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narcs at work

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#1 Nov 9 - 4PM
Anne_
Anne_'s picture

narcs at work

Hey everyone!
I had an important meeting at work today. I work part time as an organiser for cultural citytrips in Europe, but my employer decided to stop with this project. this decision was taken in the same week as my XN broke up with me. I was contacted by another travel agent, and was asked to continue this project for them. But they weren't 100 % convinced, and I wrote a business plan, gave some presentations about the project...
They haven't said a definitive yes, but today, I heard today the big boss was seriously considering hiring me.
So I'm feeling quite well today.
I had a good session with my therapist today too. She said that most people coming out of similar situations, benefited from changing jobs. That women like we make adjustments in their professional situations. That even when we don't see the narc, we are trying to please him. To show him how good we really are. Or that we stop working to show him how obedient we really are. and when we are coming out a destructive and abusive relations, we really need to evaluate our professional situation. Is it really what we want? Can we improve this? Are we taking care of ourselves on a professional level?
In fact, on my old job, I was confronted with a narc as well. an elderly man, on whom I made a great impression on the job interview. There were 140 candidates for just one job, and eventhough I didn't have much experience, I got it. When I reconsider this, I got this job because I succesfully interacted with him at the interview. I was so trained in interacting with narcs, I was able to instantly please them.
It was not nice to work with him. But in a professional situation, I am able to speak up, but as a result for daring this, he basicly fired me.
But today I heard that there are other opportunities. That in fact, I succeeded in removing TWO narcs from my life in the past few weeks.
Day 2 of NC. It feels great.

keep up the good work everyone!
xoxoxo

Nov 12 - 10PM
Briseis
Briseis's picture

The job I had before this

The job I had before this one was as a nurse manager for a drug rehab hospital, and my boss was a Narc with a PhD in psychology and counseling. What a combination. I loved him IMMEDIATELY (first red flag). He seemed to celebrate and worship me unduly (second red flag). I was married to my exN at the time, and so I went to work and spent all day with the boss Narc, and then went home to spend the evening with my own Narc. It was during this time that I became an alcoholic. When I quit drinking, I woke up to a lot of things. My intolerable Narc at home, and what a controlling, backstabbing, dishonest golden-boy prick my boss was. All he had to do was look at me a certain way and I would question my reality (which he gladly challenged, using psychology terms I was familiar with). Between the two of them, I am amazed I didn't fall apart completely. When I interviewed for my current job, I interviewed my new bosses too. I saw no red flags waving, and I NEEDED the job. One time during a job interview (many years ago), my potential new manager hollered at me, almost threw a temper tantrum, because I told her I was working weekends somewhere else. I was offered the job, but declined it. I have leeway as an RN, because we are in short supply. But when you don't have the leeway of just getting another job, it's as tough as being married to them :( The only solution to both is to get the hell away from them.
Nov 12 - 6PM
Susan32
Susan32's picture

5 years of Narcs

I emerged from a Narc/toxic workplace 2 years ago... thank goodness that's over. My boss was a micro-managing Narc who'd fly into rages over petty things (like putting a bottle of honey on the counter without wiping its bottom,really) He ALWAYS liked telling employees how they were expendable. That's how my job there started. Here I was, trying to get accustomed to my new job, only for his Narc rages if things weren't "perfect" and saying how I'd get fired. There was the obese N coworker who INSISTED on having a pitcher of grape juice in the refrigerator. He was too lazy to make it himself. I'd tell him if he wanted grape juice, he'd have to make it.. he'd pout. We had a female cook who stole from the kitchen&was probably addicted to drugs-another female cook enjoyed reducing me to tears. The last I heard, the latter female cook's job at a casino did not work out well. I'm happier since I left that place... more at peace. I spent 5 years just trying to survive.