Still going...

15 posts / 0 new

#1 Nov 11 - 5AM

Sherbear

Still going...

This Day 81 NC for me and I am feeling strong. I have no urge to contact him. Yes, I am still think of him and I am still processing, but I am seeing it clearly and I feel the real me returning again. Life is becoming mine again, which is beautiful.
One thing that is really bothering me is I haven't exercised in 5 months or so now. I have been working so hard on the inside that I stopped the outside. I lost 80 lbs last year and have gained 20 lbs back. I was okay about it at first, trying to be easy on myself, but now I know I need to get going again. But for some reason...I just can't. Why???? I know I feel tired and drained and I am sure there is some depression in there. But I know it would make me feel better....I know how good I felt last year.....I need to break this cycle..... Help Ladies, I need encouragement and words of motivation!

Thanks and have a great day!!!
Sherry

#2 Nov 11 - 6PM

gettinbetter

Woo hoo

your doing better than me I only did five gonna try for six minutes tonite. Push ups are amazing that is the one exercise I do that I see amazing results from. I really helps with the appearence of of my posture and shoulders as well as abs they really tighten your core. You really dont have to go to a gym. I mean the military doesnt send all of the new recruits to the gym. They do it old fashion style. My brother a former drill sargeant says that do it that way because it works. wait wait wait. I do believe you just one upped me:). Mayb Ill just do 7 minutes then LOL. Oh gosh Im sounding like a Narc

#3 Nov 11 - 6PM (Reply to #14)

Sherbear

Oh, it's on sister!!

If you do 7 minutes, then I am doing 8 tomorrow!! LOL!! I love push ups too!! They reshaped my upper body! It's my abs that I have the issues with after 5 abdominal surgeries, it is toast...it may never be completely flat again...I can deal with that. But I can't deal with not trying...today I felt the 20 extra lbs and I haven't really noticed it before, but today I did and I refuse to go back there again. I will not self sabotage myself or punish myself anymore...and the best way to love myself is to move myself~!! lol Thanks for getting my butt up and I will report my 8 minutes tomorrow!! :o)

#4 Nov 11 - 5PM

Sherbear

6 minutes!! done and done!!

Stretched and did squats and push ups with my son and did 3 minutes on elliptical!! Not much but it is a start!!! Baby steps!!

#5 Nov 11 - 10AM

gettinbetter

I just made a post about

I just made a post about this. I have been eating everything that isn't nailed down. I used work out all of time but I haven't. In months. Last nite I forced myself to do some push ups took all of 5 minutes but its a start. Just do 5 minutes if you can its a start

#6 Nov 11 - 4PM (Reply to #10)

Sherbear

Okay...you got it!

Five minutes!! I am doing it for you as soon as I am done replying here...and I will post what I did!!! Need to get my endorphins moving.....thanks for the motivation!! I know about eating everything that is not nailed down!!! Old coping strategy for me...:o(

#7 Nov 12 - 12PM (Reply to #11)

gettinbetter

sherbear

Seven minutes of push ups and crunches were done last night

#8 Nov 11 - 9AM

really

Running...

80# - wow! That's awesome!!! You can definitely get rid of the 20# that came back. Oh, I so have identified with the feelings of lethargy, wanting not to be too hard on yourself and care for yourself, yet give yourself a big kick in the ass. :) I lost over 30# after he was gone. Giving up cocktails and bar food was a big help. The thing that's really made me feel better, though, is running. NEVER did I think I would be able to do it - NEVER! I started a program in Feb and am now running 3mi/3x a wk. Honestly, I started out of anger, like I was running away from him. I found empowering music and blasted it as I ran away from him. My goal was just to feel good and healthy and I'm able to do that most days. I have lost more weight since, but need to lose another 40# and could do another 20# after that. If you want a partner in crime, let me know and we can chat via e-mail. I am still trying to put the inside, as you say, back together. Working on the outside really helps. Honestly, I know I have come a long way on both, but still have quite a journey ahead. The thing I'm battling now is not being scared of losing more weight. It has protected me, to some extent, and I think I've boiled it down to the fact that if I keep losing, I will become more attractive which opens the doors wider to more different men. I know I am more able to recognize a "bad" man, but I'm afraid. I'm also scared that I would immediately succumb to someone who is a "good" guy just because I got so used to feeling like an afterthought. Yikes! Can't believe I was even able to write or share that. I guess that's part of the healing, though.

#9 Nov 11 - 4PM (Reply to #7)

Sherbear

Thanks Really!

I absolutely understand the fear of losing more weight...it has been my security blanket for 25 years since the rape. When I lost the 80 lbs...it absolutely triggered my ptsd and then the narc d &d'd me the same week that I was diagnosed and was driving back to Lauderdale for the first time in 25 years. He lives there and was going to be there for me and then threw me away like a piece of garbage 4 days before my trip there....to say I was a mess is an understatement and I have been in recovery ever since. I tried to be his friend in the beginning and still try recovering but it wasn't possible, he triggered every emotion I was trying to heal. I HAD to choose me or I would end up in a looney bin. Gosh, I think of this and I get so angry....but yet at the same time, I am so thankful that we had our time together....he is the one that led me to my road of recovery and gave me the strength and courage I needed to go down that road....and then he let me go and allowed me to go alone, which is what I needed...alone. He also brought narcissism straight up up in my face and led me to learn about these toxic people and learn why I am such a magnet for them and how to set boundaries to keep my own peace. He crushed my heart wide open so that God could heal all the deep and tiny crevices of my shattered heart. I don't hate him but I am grateful for him. But I know that our time together is done and I am better for it....I wish things could have ended up different and we could still be friends after 30 years...but that is not possible...and I will be fine. Still processing...but one thing for sure is I will not harbor hate or anger towards him as that will only hurt me by keeping me in chains, a prisoner....does that make sense??? Should I be more angry??? Whew!!! Tangent!! Anyway...I would love a partner in crime to stay accountable too with the exercise....Tell Betty to give you my email address. :o) Thanks!!! Have a great night!

#10 Nov 12 - 12PM (Reply to #8)

really

Sher

I'm a little behind on life, but will contact Betty for your email this wknd. I'm so happy someone understands. Seriously, once I finally figured out what was going on, just yesterday after writing it here, I have a whole new way of looking at it and confronting it head on! Very excited! I think I could learn a lot from your having gone through it before me and maybe I can help give you the kick in the pants you're looking for. :) I'll be in touch soon....

#11 Nov 11 - 1PM (Reply to #5)

Playedwithfire

Hey Really! Are you on the

Hey Really! Are you on the new site yet? I would like to chat with you about running and life there after the exhn... Please send me a message.. Thanks, Playedwithfire

Playedwithfire

#12 Nov 12 - 12PM (Reply to #6)

really

PWF

No, I'm not, but I'll take care of that this wknd... I've been lurking around here for so long, it's taken me a long time to fully digest and feel comfortable sharing things. My story is not nearly as bad as many here, but was horrible for me. He was not my husband or boyfriend, really. He was my closest friend (I thought) who dangled a RL in front of my face. And I did love him more than anyone I ever knew or may know ever. We traveled together, he spent time with my family, spent our free time together. He talked of the physical RL with me, again, dangled it in front of my face, but never put all of the pieces together. Then D&D, etc. You know the deal. This happened 4 times over 5-6yrs. Threw it all back in my face, blamed me... Once I started learning about Narc behavior, Madonna/Whore, etc, it all started to make sense. I'm happy to chat, just wanted to give you a little bit of an idea of where I'm coming from for comparison's sake. Running has really been my salvation. It's something I can take action on and DO rather than wade my way through feelings and wait for things to pass.

#13 Nov 11 - 6AM

tica

Sherbear

Congrats on you NC!! I celebrate with you today..it's 5 months to the day today for me!! Be proud of your accomplishment and now it seems you are ready to get out and exercise again..I started back exercising @ 6 weeks ago, so you see, it's about the same time frame as you..I started with taking my tunes and walking the neighborhood..stretching , and I jump rope throughout the day..now I've moved in to jogging/running and up to 4 miles/day..I've lost a few lbs, but the strength from the exercise just adds to the emotional fitness..so yes..get out, it's part of the recovery..I also have my bike in the shop for a tune up..keep it going, you must be butter, cause you're on a roll hahaha

#14 Nov 11 - 4PM (Reply to #2)

Sherbear

Thanks Tica!!!

We both need to celebrate and I can't beleive how similar our time frames are!! Gives me hope!! Okay, I am going for 5 minutes right now and I will come back and report!! 4 miles a day!!! Running??!!! Amazing!! Good for you!

#15 Nov 11 - 8PM (Reply to #3)

almostlydia

Been struggling with this

Been struggling with this myself. I have good days and almost even great days and then wham this dark cloud is there that won't let up. What I found is that I have to force myself to do things when I don't really want to do them. Like working out. I've been working out for more than ten years because that is what the N's business was. But oh how can I talk myself out of it any day. but I just say, I'm doing this this week, 3 times this week, don't give myself the excuses to talk myself out of it, this is it, going. And then, it is the best thing. Working out is all about getting that mental strength not just some slick body. Set your mind to it and don't allow any excuses. You will find such an empowerment of just doing what you set out to do. Stay strong. It will give you more strength and help take you to the next level. Congratulations on all you have accomplished. This is what makes me feel good, accomplishing things. Go for it!Make yourself do it for a week and it will start to become a habit again. Best of luck to you:) almostlydia

almostlydia

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