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Multiple dating

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#1 Nov 9 - 3PM
Scoop
Scoop's picture

Multiple dating

What do we think of multiple dating ? I have got myself into a situation that i am seeing 2 guys at the same time , i havnt kissed them but we are leading up to it , both guys are lovely , academics at Cambridge , so what i am saying is both are marrage material. Before narc i wouldnt have even consided multible dating , i was a bit of a puritan when it came to dating , putting all my eggs into one basket but now i am struggling with feelings of guilt , almost as if i am stringing them along just like my narc did to me . My clock is ticking so time is at an essesce here . Is it ok to date two guys at the same time ? Do i tell them i am dating both of them ? This is new to me , both have been around for a while and have been gentlemen but tonight one has asked me back for coffee and i said no .Any advice would be greatfuly recieved... Scoop xx

Nov 10 - 4PM
enoughalready
enoughalready's picture

scoop

Hi Scoop- honesty is the best policy. If you are not honest with both of them- you may find yourself alone again. Or pick one and stay friends with the other. Or stay friends with both men. But always be honest with yourself and others......XOXO
Nov 10 - 12PM
betty2020
betty2020's picture

Your single and free to

Your single and free to mingle my girl. Just make sure that you are honest with all involved. Dont play the role of a Narc. Its not your true nature and will come back to bite you in the ass in the end. Be open and tell them you are casualty dating and seeing others. Make sure that you are ready for this and not seeking out a comfort pillow or bandage to temporary shield the wound from the Narcissist. You will hurt someone that does not deserve this and in the process hurt yourself. So if your ready I say go for it. Just keep it all in check at all times for what it really is. Watch the signals your mind and body throw your way. Your danger alert is still high so proceed with caution. Have fun girl!! xoxo only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

Nov 10 - 8AM
tica
tica's picture

Yeah Scoop!!

I am so happy that you are experiencing what it is like to be appeciated~ I know what you mean about feeling like you are playing games, but you know in your heart what that feels like on the other side, so I do not think any of us come out of this being or acting anything like a Narc..consciously or not...remember it's your actions not your words..be true to yourself and enjoy your freedom..let it fall in to place as it should, maybe neither guy is for you, who really knows..take it as it comes, just proud of you for having fun again!
Nov 10 - 7AM
CarolKittyGale (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Have a great and wonderful

Have a great and wonderful time, you deserve it, as long as you are kind, honest and act with integrity.
Nov 9 - 4PM
not-an-idiot
not-an-idiot's picture

You're free now

Even if you decided to be sexually involved with both of them, as long as they know it's just for fun and you're not ready to be serious with anyone, I see no problem. It's about time to enjoy being free of the narc monster in every way. Or if you're more comfortable picking one, do that. Either way, I'm sure you'll be straight and honest. Just keep in mind that some people want to only hear & believe what they want to be true. That whole blinded by love thing seems to manifest similar to the narc is always right thing.
Nov 9 - 4PM
Briseis
Briseis's picture

It's possible

that you are employing some "games" with these guys, but the important thing is that you are willing to take a long hard look at yourself, willing to be ruthlessly honest with yourself. That says everything, really. About you being a quality person. Could it be that you DO prefer one gentleman over the other, and you are afraid to hurt anyone's feelings? That would be me. I think it is only fair to be up front with them about dating them both at the same time. We all know how it feels to play second fiddle. It's just the decent thing to do.
Nov 9 - 4PM
Scoop
Scoop's picture

Atualy to be completely

Atualy to be completely honest having been with the narc for so long i cant help feeling i have been using some of his push pull tecneques to get them chasing me . It does feel good to have them both at my door but and heres the but am i just as bad as the narc for "playing " them . Would they have been this intrested if i hadnt of "played "them a bit. It kind of feels fake . Or is my self esteem so low that i feel the only way i can get a guy is to play a game with them ... oh bollocks ... am i fucked ? Am i just replaying the same thing that happened to me so i can make sence of it , like when i child plays in the home corner imatating life at home as stress reliefe .
Nov 10 - 12PM (Reply to #3)
sunflowergrl70
sunflowergrl70's picture

You're not playing anyone!

You are dating. Dating is a numbers game. Having more then one guy on your radar screen keeps you specifically from putting all your eggs in one basket!! You aren't making promises. You are seeing what each one has to offer you. Think about it. Do you think these guys are only dating you? They may be pursuing you, but you know as well as I do that men don't think like we do. Dating more then one helps you to be more objective. Just don't get caught up in the issue of being more excited by the "bad boy".
Nov 9 - 4PM (Reply to #2)
jen79
jen79's picture

Scoop

as long as it is really just dating, of course its ok, when there are more than one! You are not in a relationship with them yet, nor do you have any sexual interaction with them. Date and have fun, and maybe you are not playing games, but more sort of just being more firm with boundaries and less needy than anytime before?