Blueeyes

Hope you feel better blueeyes.

Thanks for being there for me. I'm in survival panic paranoia mode. I'm shaking. He picked up on it yesterday, was outta drugs layin low. Got his script today, surge of rage via phone. I made plans and was going to spend the night out but the girls had friends here ect... Took kids to dinner called his brother and friends and told them all to feed his supply to keep him calm. I'm a mess. He screamed projection this morning "you treat me like shit, you are the lowest heartless woman ever and I don't need to put up with that so after court I will check into a rehab or a hospital. I no longer want to be married to you. " When he filled the script 5 hrs later, he loves me and he never wanted it to be this way. I played along for the survival sake. He is out with his brother food shopping. His bro is texting me and saying he seems calm. Ut oh. Calm? I said keep him talking about the future so he forgets that he has court. Friends are helping me along with local law enforcement. I took today and tomorrow off to set it up. I feel like this is the twilight zone and I am almost NUTS!!!! Its all surreal but I get it! Maybe I'm beginning to accept it. I made a therapist appt w the same guy who diagnosed him today ONLY to get the diagnosis in writing for court and I said "I missed the red flags, this is my fault. " He agreed!!!! That freak Dr. I asked him why he thought that? His answer was : "well there is something deep down that made you pick a man like this" I'm scared and freaked out but I finally get it! Does any of that make sense. I'm looking forward to NOT feeling this craziness. Wholeagain, thank you very much for asking. If it wasn't for you and everyone else who spoke the truth, I may be listening to the therapist and reading books on how to make him become intimate. I love you all and we may never meet in person but u are angels!