What if he's not a narc?

Absoutely - he should have told me the minute he started to feel unhappy. It's classic passive-aggressive behaviour, but I guess that's what's making me worry - maybe he was just a common-or-garden passive aggressive and not a full-blown narc? I guess it makes no difference either way - either type of man is very difficult to live with. It's also very easy to excuse the passive-aggressive thing in men because "men aren't good at talking about their feelings", so I guess passive aggressive men hide behind that excuse as a reason for ambushing you with stuff months later.

Thanks so much for all the reassurance and validation ladies. I guess I just keep thinking about all the lovely things he did and said too. Other men have said to me that I'm very assertive and confident and I suppose I was wondering whether that aspect of my personality stopped him from being able to talk to me whenever he started to feel "unhappy" in the relationship. But on the other hand, when I met him and we started to date, part of the reason I felt so great with him was because I felt I had met a man who was as confident if not more so than me - in other words, a strong, able man who would NEVER feel intimidated by me and would always be able to talk to me. I mean, he's a highly educated doctor from a wealthy, privileged background - people like that don't usually have trouble speaking up when they're not happy about something. That is exactly the type of man I was wanting to meet - someone direct and forthright and confident. Part of what makes me feel so shitty is that if someone of all his advantages and education and privilege had trouble opening up to me - well then, I must just be a real ball-breaking bitch. In my worst moments that is how I feel. But in my more angry, fuck-you moments, I am enraged that he would have so little respect for me or for our relationship that he didn't even bother telling me when he started to feel unhappy, so that we could have addressed it together and whatever was making him unappy could be changed. I don't know. Some days it's worse than others and for some reason I seem to be going through a phase at the moment of murderous fury that he's with her and that he threw away what we had so lightly and carelessly.