psycho things he is doing

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#1 Jul 23 - 10PM
grossot
grossot's picture

psycho things he is doing

Hi guys! Just need to get some stuff out here:

In the last 2 weeks he's:

1)Told me I'm being irresponsible and not doing my part because I'm not helping pay the mortgage. Yes, he's the one who locked me out of my house, holds my things hostage and was ordered by the judge to pay the mortgage and the debt!

2) Showed up at the friggin' pediatricians office and sat with daughter and me in exam room waiting on dr for 1 1/2 hrs then wants to walk out to my car with me! It was just a well visit (I was told by my daughter's gardian at litem that I had to inform N of all dr apptmts) Yes this is the pervert who has no respect for my daughter's boundaries and whom I've even discussed my daughters behaviors with this same pediatrician because of scary decisions made by N.

3)Saw his mistresses husband (who is divorcing her) in his car this week and honked the horn, waved and smiled at him like they we're best friends. Even slows down the car to get his attention. This is all per conversation with mistresses husband.

4)Said "I hope you don't actually think your attorney cares for you" to me.

My attorney is stating that I will accept 1/2 the monatary value of the possessions in the house that he is holding hostage.

I've had one visit with the court appointed psychologist. I told her everything I could squeeze in 4 hrs. Including a personality inventory. N has made his appointment per dr. And I have 3 more apts with her. One of which is with my daughter.

At this point I feel like he's lost his sanity. Do they gain it back in order to impress the therapist?

Jul 27 - 7PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

private investigator

http://www.divorcehq.com/private_investigators.shtml http://www.divorcenet.com/states/idaho/need_for_private_investigator http://www.divorcehq.com/hire_private_investigator.shtml ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Articles & information for abuse victims - Updated Daily Online Coaching for Victims of Narcissists/ Psychopaths
Jul 27 - 6PM
grossot
grossot's picture

Barbara - my mom has a question

She was reading in a fictional book and one of the characters is a N even though it doesn't say that word. One of the lines used to describe the character went something like this: "He wanted Holly because she was everything he wanted to be; she has came from a home he wished he had; she was who he wished he could be and a trophy wife" I know this question is based on this fictional character but my mom just got to thinking about it and wonders: could he have "sought me out" and "chosen me" partially based on how I was raised and that my parents are good people? Could he have been jealous of my parents because I was disciplined and nurtured while his dad neglected him and his mom doted on him? Just Curious to your response! Thanks Be kinder than necessary to everyone you meet; for everyone is fighting some kind of battle - anonymous- :o) nolongercontrolled
Jul 27 - 7PM (Reply to #7)
finallydone
finallydone's picture

I would like to know that too

I am anxious to hear Barbara's take on this... because this really caught my eye. Mine seemed originally very interested and "thought it was so cool" that I grew up in a nice house in a nice neighborhood and my parents could send my brother and I to college.... blah blah blah. But as time went on... he became increasingly irritable and nasty about finding fault with my family (some of it was based on actual family flaws... but who doesn't have those?) and brought up more and more how his Dad put him down a lot and wasn't into his career as an entertainer and how nobody ever did anything for him and he would take it out on me a lot. He would get mad at me when he perceived my family to not be showing an interest in him. When in fact they did quite a bit when we were first together. My parents are divorced... but my Mom let us set up his gear in her garage and rehearse our music (before we bought a house) and sent his CDs out as Christmas presents, my father met us in Reno when I got him a big audition out there to watch him play and had a great time.... they were totally supportive in a normal way. But he increasingly wanted more and thought they should be contributing money. He would be irritated when they helped my brother out when he lost a job and not help him with financing his career. It got to be a lot of pressure and totally embarrassing. THis guy is way too old to be acting like this. Anyway, the point is... I think he saw my nice upbringing and being well taken care of as an "in" since his own family struggled more financially and he had a lot of horrible resentment towards that. Used to talk about how he'd be a superstar if anybody had cared or had money in his family. It was spooky really. The books description of that character is very interesting... and the trophy wife thing. I am NO trophy wife. I can maybe get away with all American cute. But he used to talk about what he would like me to wear because it was his favorite and how the other piano players thought I looked like a Soap Star. Which is absurd... if anybody ever said that... it's because I have a lot of hair. :) I've heard this man call his own mother a "worthless piece of shit" when he is mad at her. And from what I can tell, she protects him viciously. And is a very strange bird herself. Never met his father.. he passed away shortly before I met him. But one of his friends told me he was a bit of tyrant and not an affectionate man. One plus One = N I guess huh?
Jul 27 - 7PM (Reply to #8)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

yes

heck yes!! WWLP covers this but YES! They will choose you based on things they wish they were or want to be... then they degrade you while absorbing your personality... or at least mimicking it - to appear as good as you (usually to others and new prey) My personal blatant example was when Psycho-Boy was preying on my friend Elizabeth - he told her about things that had happened to him & what he had done about them... BUT - those things NEVER EVER happened to him they happened to me! He just picked those things up during his profiling phase of me and juggled a couple facts just enough so they would have happened to HIM. It's like backwards projection - they take all your GOOD stuff and layer it on to their personalities (without really feeling or believing ANY of it). It's a phase of projective identification. The other part of the phase is them projection all THEIR bad on to you. It's a sick ego-defense that they don't even realize they are doing. The other, more well-known phase of projective identification is where they ACT a certain way hoping you will BELIEVE they are that way - this happens during the luring, mind-control, entrapment and honeymoon phases. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Articles & information for abuse victims - Updated Daily Online Coaching for Victims of Narcissists/ Psychopaths
Jul 24 - 6PM
Carolyn
Carolyn's picture

Yes! they can be crazy as

Yes! they can be crazy as could be one minute and then normal the next. I was involved in a case as an investigator and was present when the husband, who was a naricssist, arrived for a joint session with the court appointed psychologist. He was very overweight, verbally clever, and the wife was intimidated and afraid. he wanted custody.He lied about the wife who was young, talented, and fighting to protect her 2 sons 4 and 6 from this monster. She came off looking like an incompetent mother because she was speechless at the lies he told the psychologist. We applied some pressure on him at his job and a few other places asking questions and the next follow-up appointment he arrived drunk and with his pants unzipped and the court appointed psychologist was horrified. he was still verbally clever but too crazy to be believed! The wife got custody of course. These court things are all about a lot of professionals making money. the lawyers, psychologists, judges, investigators, etc. it is best to have evidence before hand and use it to settle. That involves talking to a private investigator.
Jul 27 - 6PM (Reply to #5)
grossot
grossot's picture

How?

How do I get an investigator? What kind? How do I begin? Who is knowledgeable in this area? Be kinder than necessary to everyone you meet; for everyone is fighting some kind of battle - anonymous- :o) nolongercontrolled
Jul 23 - 11PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

grossot

1)Told me I'm being irresponsible and not doing my part because I'm not helping pay the mortgage. Yes, he's the one who locked me out of my house, holds my things hostage and was ordered by the judge to pay the mortgage and the debt! Tell your lawyer this IMMEDIATELY!!! 2) Showed up at the friggin' pediatricians office and sat with daughter and me in exam room waiting on dr for 1 1/2 hrs then wants to walk out to my car with me! It was just a well visit (I was told by my daughter's gardian at litem that I had to inform N of all dr appts) Yes this is the pervert who has no respect for my daughter's boundaries and whom I've even discussed my daughters behaviors with this same pediatrician because of scary decisions made by N. Tell your lawyer you WANT A RESTRAINING ORDER TO KEEP HIM FROM THE PED'S OFFICE AND FROM HARASSING YOU. You need a good lawyer who will kick ass and if yours isn't doing it GET A NEW ONE IMMEDIATELY! http://www.divorcelawfirms.com/ Then if he pulls this controlling, intimidating crap again - YOU CAN ASK THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE TO CALL THE POLICE AND HAVE HIS PERVERTED BUTT ARRESTED FOR MENACING! 3)Saw his mistresses husband (who is divorcing her) in his car this week and honked the horn, waved and smiled at him like they we're best friends. Even slows down the car to get his attention. This is all per conversation with mistresses husband. Seriously delusional thinking. Make sure the mistresses husband writes a statement out and signs it for you to give to your lawyer and the court psych. 4)Said "I hope you don't actually think your attorney cares for you" to me. Sounds like mallory's STBXPH saying he and her lawyer are "buddies." This is completely delusional and an attempt to scare you. IF YOU ARE ON THE PHONE AND HE SAYS ANYTHING LIKE THIS NONSENSE THAT IS NOT BUSINESS-ONLY. HANG UP. WHEN HE CALLS BACK - JUST PICK UP & HANG UP AGAIN, DON'T EVEN SAY HELLO. IF HE CALLS PERSISTENTLY - UNPLUG YOUR PHONE. THIS JERK NEEDS TO DO IT ALL IN EMAIL ONLY AND IF YOUR LAWYER WON'T ISSUE A CERTIFIED, RETURN RECEIPT STATEMENT TO HIM - DO IT YOURSELF. PERIOD. NO MORE PHONE CALLS. IF HE DOES THIS TO YOUR FACE IN FRONT OF YOUR CHILD JUST SMILE, SAY NOTHING AND WALK AWAY!!!!!! DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT. My attorney is stating that I will accept 1/2 the monatary value of the possessions in the house that he is holding hostage. I've had one visit with the court appointed psychologist. I told her everything I could squeeze in 4 hrs. Including a personality inventory. N has made his appointment per dr. And I have 3 more apts with her. One of which is with my daughter. At this point I feel like he's lost his sanity. Do they gain it back in order to impress the therapist? ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Articles & information for abuse victims - Updated Daily Online Coaching for Victims of Narcissists/ Psychopaths
Jul 24 - 6PM (Reply to #2)
grossot
grossot's picture

Thank you! I do have a

Thank you! I do have a temperary restraining order. It says "...restraining the defendant during the pendency of this action from directly or indirectly harassing, annoying, interfering with, harassing by telephone, assaulting, or doing bodily harm to the Plantiff at the residence or elsewhere" But I'm afraid the sherrif woul just say "well he has a right to be at the dr's with his own daughter." I want to know how I should word the terms to restrict him from showing up unannounced on the final divorce papers. Be kinder than necessary to everyone you meet; for everyone is fighting some kind of battle - anonymous- :o) nolongercontrolled
Jul 24 - 6PM (Reply to #3)
better off
better off's picture

He does have a right to be

He does have a right to be with his own daughter, but he doesn't have the right to be with YOU and your own daughter. ;)