SOS
SOS
Today has been a biatch!...This isn't so much about the Narc as it is my whole life! I don't miss him, don't want him, but am so stuck in a depression it is not funny. I thought I was coming out of it some and it just came back around and caught me off guard. Anything that touches a feeling gets me weepy. I feel trapped in my own skin. I can't afford therapy. My son's dad has been out of work for a time, child support $25.00 per month! I'm on Social Security. I wish I could find a little side job just to make ends meet - can't...I'm locked up in my room because I don't want my son to have to see me so vunerable. My mother left a message today - she's upset because she had a cold and I did not do whatever...give attention?! And decided to go though the list of all she's done for me! Grrrr...and yes, she's done her best, but I'm angry at her too but too weak emotionally to even get into it with her. Friends...HA!...and the thing is, I don't know why or what I've done - maybe I'm not cool enough? Feeling very disillusioned by the world and life and how selfish people seem to be. No one really seems to be able to look ouside their selves all caught up in their dramas-which I get, but even sometimes I find when I try to talk to a friend, they quickly have to "go" and really, I'm not being an emotional vampire, just feel sometimes I need to get things out - rationalizing aloud? But somehow, it's not "trendy" to do that from what I see. I know there are problems greater than mine, and things could be worse. But I'm feeling really down today. AND, I mentioned before how hard it is to find a shrink...and I don't even have the friggin capacity to go through those hoops! I flirt with the idea of just going to psych emergency to get some meds, but that would be an ordeal. In NYC you'd be with the real crazies behind locked doors - I think the anxiety would cause them to misdiagnose me! Sometimes I think I could use some time away in a psych ward - but a nice one, with a nice garden, (smoking allowed hehehe) and daily therapy, but I can't do that because like I said, I'd be with real crazies, but more importantly, I can't leave my son. There are no support groups, I checked meetups.com, and I even looked for activities...I have fibro, I'm not about to join a fitness bootcamp at 6am! WTH, there is nothing but Singles groups 20's-30's, fitness and Networking and I'm not interested in those activities. I found a site friend finder or something like that and I got one response. I replied back...nothing. I'm getting desperate. Not like I want to take my life, but I need to be around people but not jaded and shallow, PEOPLE...and Church? Forgeddabout it, not feeling it right now. So, that is where I am today, re-reading and trying to embrace the current Season I'm in.
Michelle?
Michele
Thank you so much for your kind words of support
My exN actually did crap his
shitting their pants!
Gross!
Briseis - All You Have Accomplished with This Post
That's why there are adult diapers...
hahahha..LMAO..You guys are
only one way to go...Forward (tm?)
Have I Ever Told You That I Love You?
(((((michelle115)))))
~~~ Keep Learning & Keep Healing ~~~
~~~~~ The best revenge is to survive and be victorious over it. Nobody can take from you what you don't give them.
Anyone who can write the manifesto you did
Michelle
michelle-
awe michelle
Thank you
hi Michele