What Goes on in Their Heads

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#1 Mar 18 - 10PM
Anonymous (not verified)
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What Goes on in Their Heads

I was working on something completely unrelated (honest!) and came across these 3 posts by my favorite writer on Narcs, the late Kathy Krajco. They are too good not to share.

http://narc-attack.blogspot.com/2008/02/welcome-to-narcissists-world.html

http://narc-attack.blogspot.com/2008/02/welcome-to-narcissists-world-par...

http://narc-attack.blogspot.com/2008/02/welcome-to-narcissists-world-par...

Oct 17 - 3PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

what goes on in the head of a Narc

SEE TOP POST ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.
Oct 1 - 10PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

what goes on in their heads

SEE LINKS IN TOP POST ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.
Aug 28 - 5PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

what goes on in the mind of a Narc?

SEE LINKS IN TOP POSTS AND READ ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Narc Victims - Updated Daily "As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. B
Aug 6 - 5PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

what goes on in the head of a narcissist

SEE LINKS IN TOP POST ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Articles & information for abuse victims - Updated Daily Online Coaching for Victims of Narcissists/ Psychopaths
Mar 24 - 10PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

surgery... etc.

I have PCOS (http://www.pcosupport.org/symptoms.php) and have for 43 years of my 52 years on this planet. It destroyed my self image as a child & teen and my NarcMother called me a "freak" because of it. Its another long story but doctors didn't believe me for years & years... which is why when I developed Atypical M.S. in 1995 I didn't buy the "it's stress" baloney doctors gave me. I was in the hospital for the entire end of January with diverticulosis caused after a colonoscopy. A CAT scan at that time shows I again have huge cysts on both ovaries, possibly more. I have had this surgery 2x before in my life but never this many cysts and never at this age. I am seeing an oncologist next week as well who will do the surgery. I have absolutely NO intention of having my ovaries or uterus removed as that will probably cause my hormone problem to get worse, if that's possible. That is the LAST thing someone with PCOS wants. Psycho-Boy is part of my story which is here: http://lisaescott.com/forum/2009/03/16/my-story I exposed him here (its long) in an effort to educate others, and despite not using his real name he went postal: http://cyberpathlinks.blogspot.com/2007/06/j-aka-gridney-aka-yidwithlid-aka-sammy.html (I am Target #1) And there's more about his harassment here (not posted by me but by a site that investigated him): http://theexposer.mindsay.com/when_cyberpaths_attack_gridney_yidwithlid_in_review.mws I have no family I can stay with and no means of protection other than my father's service revolver. I need to stay here with my 2 children who are in school. My precinct doesn't take cyberharassment very seriously but I sure do. He hasn't done much other than post that I am a "fat pig" in various places. And had my computer hacked - which has been corrected. That's all I can do.
Aug 6 - 9PM (Reply to #40)
baddream
baddream's picture

Barbara--Medical Conditions

I was diagnosed many years ago with PCOS when I underwent infertility treatment. (I am now 51) I also suffer with UC which is an autoimmune illness brought on by stress and conflict situations. Just wanted to tell you that both have been treated very successfully with Chinese Medicine (herbal therapy & acupunture). I have a very good Dr. in NYC. The UC is in remission, and the PCOS symptoms are almost non-existent. I have had a very good result with Eastern Medicine which treats the cause & origin of disease and not just the symptoms. Chinese medicine does a very good job normalizing female hormones, with no bad side effects. If you want more information, let me know.
Sep 1 - 4PM (Reply to #42)
Chloe
Chloe's picture

Curious

What is UC? I have an auto-immune deficiency disorder; lichenplanus. There are a lot of auto-immune deficiency disorders in my family, starting with rhumatoid arthritis to M.S. With all the research I have done, I don't remember UC. Just curious.
Aug 6 - 9PM (Reply to #41)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

thanks

I have a fantastic endocrinologist in NYC myself. I have had PCOS for 43 years now and there's no cure. I am well beyond being normalized... tried a lot chinese medicine, acupunture, etc. The only thing that I still do because it worked for me was Reiki. Thanks anyway. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Articles & information for abuse victims - Updated Daily Online Coaching for Victims of Narcissists/ Psychopaths
Mar 25 - 12PM (Reply to #39)
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Barbara

I'm so sorry to hear about your condition. You have struggled so much, but I truly believe the help you are offering to others will be rewarded. Please know we are here for you. I'm still working on setting up that support group call, so hope you would participate.
Mar 25 - 10AM (Reply to #36)
sashaines (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

heroes all....

I'm new to this site, but have become a devotee quickly. All of your stories are both horrific and inspiring - my story is pretty rough too, and I'll share more as I go along, but right now I'm just soaking in the relief I'm finding in the shared experiences and understanding I'm finding here. You are my new heroes! I do have something really bothering me. It's SO small compared to what some of you are still in the midst of, but it's holding me back and making me feel obsessive and stunted. My 'relationship' with my most toxic narc has been 'over' for more than a couple of years (these things rarely end cleanly), yet I realize that I still think of him every day, wake many mornings actually hoping to find an email from him and, in my small town, drive around hoping to run into him. At the same time, I also find myself 'plotting' his downfall - as if there is anything I could do that he couldn't squirm out of, even with his wife. It's like I want his 'love' back AND want to see him finally punished at the same time. I don't really want him back - I just want him to want ME back. Make sense to anybody? He's already back in a 'serious' affair with a woman that I considered a friend - and who watched all the misery he put me through???? - whose husband died recently. (The poor man's ashes aren't even cold!) I get it - he HAD to be the first one to snap her up once she was available, and I know what waits for her when the devaluation inevitably comes. (The only thing I said to her was "just don't fall in love with him", as though I could somehow warn her of what's to come...lol.) I just hate that he still owns so much space in my head. Even spending time on sites like this feels like giving him too much power somehow. I guess I'm angry because I know that he took what little strength and trust I had left (I'm in mid-life, two divorces...) while he goes on like it was nothing, which to him I know I was - nothing. A mirror, that's all. When I do see him, I act like I'm fine and that he has no effect (which is why he is finally gone, I know) and even give back as good as I get - sarcastic banter was always a big way we 'communicated'. But, I feel like a fraud. He still gets under my skin and I worry that he always will, which is EXACTLY WHAT HE WANTS!!!!! I welcome any comments. Kinda just spouting because I know what I need to do and keep doing - stay away and build a new life with new activities and people. I am working on it every day, but how I wish I could surgically cut him out of my consciousness!!!!!!!!
Sep 1 - 4PM (Reply to #38)
Chloe
Chloe's picture

With no disrespect here, but....

What about the poor wife? You mention that "he" is married and that he is now with someone else. Even if he wasn't a Narcissist, what kind of a person would he be??? But, being that he IS a narcissist, and he IS married, and he DOES have another girlfriend, I think you really need to focus on YOU and what is making YOU tick. I am here to tell you that he will NOT ALWAYS GET UNDER YOUR SKIN once you take care of YOU and once you understand the why's. The first step is what you are doing. I am so glad to see that you are here and learning. What you are reading from all of us is real, true, and honest, and what you are questioning is the same. This man is a fraud! He does not now nor ever will care for you the way you need to be cared for. He is not "in love" (obviously) with his wife, nor is he "in love" with his new girlfriend. He is only interested in Narcissistic Supply, nothing more and nothing less. You need to learn and understand this. Once you get a grip of Narcissitic Personality Disorder, and read all you can, you will begin to see the light. I believe you are on the path to recovery. Hang in there!!!!
Mar 25 - 12PM (Reply to #37)
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Sashaines

We're so glad you found this site! Do not feel like you are giving him any power by being here. Think the opposite because together, we are all going to build awareness about narcissism. We are going to blow this topic up so that people are talking about narcissism and know exactly what to look for - these narcissists will no longer be able to hide as easily as they do now. Your contributions to this site help us in getting the word out to other women. We may have gone through something horrible, but there is no reason we did so in vain. We will put what we learned to good use to help other women. We are all sisters, after all. Hang in there, xoxo, Lisa
Mar 24 - 11PM (Reply to #34)
cassiemay
cassiemay's picture

barbara

Wow.....I've never heard of that diagnosis before. How frustrating, but I'm glad, I guess, that you aren't having everything "removed". The "I guess" part just comes from concern that you will have to do this again and again???. Oh, such are our difficult choices. Thanks for sharing more about yourself. Regarding Pscho-boy: Shit. I know what it's like to be alone with no family for support. SO HARD, ACTUALLY BEYOND BELIEF. I didn't realize you were taking care of children. Must have somehow missed that. Sorry. Sounds like you've done all you can to take protection from this creep and I'm Very Glad you have the revolver. Is there anything I could do to help? I don't have anything to offer than support emotionally. I also don't have any family or good-enough friends to ask for much. I am so thankful to have contact with you and hope you are also receiving some support for yourself. If it's not too intrusive what state do you live in? I'm in Montana. CM
Aug 6 - 5PM (Reply to #35)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Safety

Yes I may need this surgery again. Seems its about every 10 - 13 years but as I am getting older its getting more problematic. Also because of the PCOS I am trying to lose 85 lbs. I live in the State where Hillary Clinton was a Senator. In the biggest city in that State. Yes, I had 2 children with Turd (ex NH) after 12 years of infertility treatment. One of the very few good things he ever gave me. We have shared custody but it might as well be FULL because they don't like him and spend 97% of their time with me. So the limited energy I have is spent on them. BTW Psycho-boy enlisted an ex-counseling 'client' of mine who was an alcholic and probably somewhat psychotic to harass me too. I had to get the FBI involved, not that they did much but they got her off me too.
Mar 23 - 10PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Lisa

Thanks. I really don't expect everyone to agree with me. Just how I feel. As strong as my opinions are now, for YEARS I wasn't "allowed" to have them or even have an IDIOSYNCRASY. It's awful... waiting for their mothership ;) Barbara http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com
Mar 25 - 1PM (Reply to #29)
sashaines (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

the mothership....

Don't know Babara. You think maybe their 'people' dropped them off here (like the English used to send their 'undesirables' to Australia) to get rid of them? Mine actually wants to 'ascend' out of this world. May the winds rush him on his way!
Aug 6 - 5PM (Reply to #31)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

ascend?

like Jesus or Mohammed? ROFLMAO Sorry but he's going in the other direction ;) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Pathologicals only discard the best, the most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They keep fellow abusers, fellow gossips & enabling, misguided lackeys close. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is their highest commendation of your worth!"
Aug 7 - 6PM (Reply to #32)
zoezoe (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Thankyou

I was all hyped up to spend another weekend in bed, but trying to convince myself that I am worth it, I ran across your post. And while quickly reading about his Narcissist Sympathizers, who turned me away, I read Their discarding of you is their highest commendation of your worth. Thankyou. Discarding me, has allowed me to do many of the things I was doing before I met him, which was helping Women of Abuse, which he thought was a waste of my time. Only becuase it took my attention away from what he needed, or wanted. Because it's all about him. Thankyou Zoe
Mar 25 - 2PM (Reply to #30)
better off
better off's picture

I know two from Australia.

I know two from Australia. They ARE undesirable. (those two)
Mar 19 - 8PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

ROFL!

I hope you didn't internalize that NONSENSE. Is he watching porn? How non-boring of him. ROFLMAO.
Mar 19 - 8AM
better off
better off's picture

Thank you thank you for

Thank you thank you for these links...and the other one about the fictional life of the narcissist. They capture my "relationship" with my N so well. I thank God for my friend that was a mutual friend of my N, because she has been there to validate REALITY for me, when things began to get confusing. She also had a similar relationship...though it wasn't as serious as mine, but it had the same effects, followed the same pattern. She was about six months further ahead of me on the trail. Together we've been piecing it together. Of course, our two N's became friends as well, lol. Two peas in a pod. Although, my N has already tired of her N...in one of our last conversations he was complaining about her N being boring. lmao. I find it supremely ironic how easily they all become "bored" when THEY are the ones who are so boring. They seem exciting, but in the end they are boring because they only have one interest. Self.
Mar 19 - 8PM (Reply to #2)
grossot
grossot's picture

My STBX told me I was

My STBX told me I was boring....as he sat in a dark basement and watched his 3rd movie for the day! nolongercontrolled
Mar 20 - 4PM (Reply to #26)
Jodie
Jodie's picture

Laughing at basement comment

Seriously hilarious right there. Mine told me I was "a stick in the mud" because I didn't allow him to snort cocaine daily.

"Cry now because you lost him or cry later because you have him."

Mar 19 - 8PM (Reply to #3)
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Boring?!

I am laughing out loud right now.... My STBX told me I was boring....as he sat in a dark basement and watched his 3rd movie for the day! nolongercontrolled They think they're so fun and exciting, but when they get into their downside, they do nothing but find ways to escape their own reality. This is because their reality never lives up to the grandiose image they envisioned for themselves. They spend this time reading, sleeping or watching movies in an effort to escape their reality. Gee, that's real exciting. Oh, and any time they do decide to spend with you and the outside world, you better be prepared to go to the gym with them because that's always a priority!
Mar 20 - 4PM (Reply to #25)
Jodie
Jodie's picture

Lisa

You nailed it with the gym comment. Mine used to make me sit in the car for an hour and a half while he worked out...or we'd be doing something in the middle of the afternoon and he would interrupt it with his gym plans; so selfish!! He used to always say, "This IS my job!!!"

"Cry now because you lost him or cry later because you have him."

Mar 20 - 2PM (Reply to #12)
cassiemay
cassiemay's picture

Ah yes, the GYM

My husband worked long hours often. Always rather unpredictable. But I would try to get a sense of when he would be coming home and try to have dinner ready for that time. Invariably, he would get home and no matter how late it was, how long dinner had been prepared and saved, how lonely I might have been, he Always Had to Work Out. "I'm just taking care of myself". With the snide implication that I WAS Not. Eventually I did stop taking care of myself. And came to resent the whole idea of exercise so much that I completely quit doing it myself. Now.....I know this not a "healthy" reaction in any sense of that word. I was just So fucking angry that he controlled everything in our lives and so I would react childishly with such thoughts as "WEll, you won't control My own body". Anyway, another mistake I made....ignoring what would have been more healthy for ME in a ridiculous and self-destructive attempt to regain some modicum of "control". Thanks for the info.....your stories made me smile. CM
Apr 28 - 2PM (Reply to #19)
Fawn
Fawn's picture

Exercise Freaks

My N husband is a runner. Our entire weekend and evenings were always planned around his run. He wears spandex bike shorts without a shirt and comes home all sweaty, thinking that he is really hot and superior to everyone. While I was going through chemotherapy, Mr. Wonderful had taken the day off under the ruse of taking me to the Oncology Clinic. It had snowed the night before and all appointments were delayed. When they called me from the clinic and told me to come in for my infusion he was furious because he had just suited up for his run. He was in a rage at me because of the appointment time change. He sneered at me that he was going for a run and that I could drive myself to the clinic, which I did. Wow, how compassionate! He also yelled at me constantly during chemotherapy to "get off my ##* and do something" and to "go get a job". I'm lucky to be alive and well without him. What a jackass.
Apr 28 - 4PM (Reply to #20)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Dcrutche

Geez - again sounds like the same guy. My exNH is a runner too. Everything, including time with the kids, is planned around his run. I am disabled and he told me I was a "lazy cow" in front of the kids and still does. I am having major surgery in a month - can't wait to here what he tells the kids then :-S Mine never goes to the doctor with me and when he used to (because I was unable to drive or go alone) he'd put on the Mr. Compassionate act. He used to force me out of bed and when I moved, I had pneumonia for 4 months. I was sleeping on a futon on my kids' floor while my bedroom was being redone and he came in and literally KICKED me to get my "lazy fat ass" out of bed. I had a number of friends give depositions as to his treatment of me when I became disabled and later had the kids. I was in the hospital the last week of January this year - and he LEFT the kids at the hospital with me to GO TO THE GYM. They told him when he came back if he ever did that again they would call CPS because I was not a babysitting service while I was in the hospital. He of course, raged at me later that I "put the nurses up to it." Despite having a pathological aversion to sex & being touched he is obsessed with his looks. He's so skinny now he looks skeletal. 3 years ago he fell off a treadmill and had to have a craniotomy and a titanium plate in his head. Last year he broke his foot at a 10K race and had to have another titanium plate put in. Jerk. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Cost-Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Apr 28 - 10PM (Reply to #23)
better off
better off's picture

I'm sorry, but that made me

I'm sorry, but that made me laugh when you said he bashed his head and has a plate in it. LOL.
Oct 17 - 3PM (Reply to #24)
Hangman11
Hangman11's picture

ME TOO!! lol hide the

ME TOO!! lol hide the insulin and hope for the best did too!