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Futility

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#1 Oct 2 - 3AM
Mariline
Mariline's picture

Futility

I don't know if it is the right word in English, sorry if I am wrong. But here I am. I have got bronchitis and probably it's broncopolmonitis as antibiotics are not working and I have to change meds. Sadness is swallowing me. After the last lie, after I discovered that he was a fucking millionaire and that he came over to my house for almost two months, eating and fucking and having fun all paid by me because, oh, I was so sorry for him, divorced with 4 kids and uneemployed with an ex wife sucking his blood, and he did not even bring a gift to my child-

well I had already understood he was a piece of shit while he was here as he destroyed my bed "it was not comfortable enough" forced us all on his vegan thing even my son who is very thin, at the 9th percentile of weight for his age and I told him "he cannot afford this" and he went into a cold rage and I had to send him to a neighbour to eat without the Narc seeing it- it was one of many blows so I sent him away for the lack of respect he showed for me and my son. But when I discovered on youtube the trailer of his millionaire movie I was devastated. How can they be in this way. I am a single mum working and alone and struggling to pay the bills but he had a wonderful vacation in Italy for free, I brought him everywhere, Roma, Firenze, and he complained that Rome was too big, that my country is not in the 21st century < so come back to yours, stupid pig....> he enjoyed the food and ate like a pig even being vegan because we Italians cook welle EVERYTHING including vegetables but was always complaining.....

This last blow seems to affect my immune system also and I have to, I have to come out of this soon.

But after a friend of mine let him know I had discovered about the movie, he is still writing stupid things about me on his FB page ( while posting compliments to ALL the women among his FB friends).

He does not write anything addressing the problem of course. He says he "does not need any more aggravation in his life" but yet he writes stupid things about me asking anybody to tell me as I blocked him from FB and from email ( he would never phone, too expensive for the stingy jerk so I did not worry about changing the number and in fact he has called just once and I shut down the phone on him)

and it is so FUTILE.

Why don't you keep your mouth shut at least?

Why aggravate me with this FUTILITY? I am grieving and I accept it. But my feelings are not a JOKE.

Futile. But most of all, cruel.

Oct 3 - 12AM
sweetsamm
sweetsamm's picture

be careful

Be so careful with the bronchitis,i got that plus strep throat in the thick of things...my body completely shut down. Bronchitis is nothing to mess around with,just lay down,do NOTHING! You need your strength for when we all go to the bahamas next summer....ok,i just thought of that,but wouldn't that be fun and awesome,actually even a cruise....so,just rest,sleep,lots of fluid,thoughts of beaches and sand,we need to better so you can look back on all of this and actually be thankful for this journey that you've been on and survived..chicken soup!!! it's so good for you right now:)big bear hug from sweetsamm
Oct 3 - 5AM (Reply to #13)
Mariline
Mariline's picture

Thank you sweetsamm, Briseis

Thank you sweetsamm, Briseis and all, I think the bahamas thing is a VERY good idea, count me too!! :-))) Thank you for your support. Yesterday my chest was aching but today I feel better. I hope the antibiotics will work soon. Hugs to you all.
Oct 2 - 1PM
Briseis
Briseis's picture

He doesn't look at what he

He doesn't look at what he did to you in the same way you see it. He doesn't see what he did to you as ripping you off, taking advantage, manipulating and lying. Why, he was shedding some of his extraspecialness all over you, don't you know? You were BLESSED by his presence. You should be grateful he lowered himself to forcing veganism down your throat. That's how Narcs think. So it follows he'll behave as if he did nothing wrong afterwards. The real futility is trying to understand what his behavior had to do with YOU. Having him in your house was like having a raccoon in your house. A raccoon would tear apart the garbage and the cupboards, hiss and attack you, and be awake all night tearing your house apart. This Narc did what Narcs do. It was that impersonal to YOU. This is what happens to us when we have a Narc in our lives. They do Narc THINGS. They are a force of Nature. They are abberant human beings, much less than human in some ways. It hurts like HELL to have this all come home. I got sick, too. For about two weeks :( . I had people telling me what I wrote above, and eventually, it sunk in :) (((((hugs)))))
Oct 2 - 10PM (Reply to #7)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

What if it was reversed on him?

What I've always wondered is- What do Ns "feel" when former supply takes advantage of them, mocks them, and treats them in the SAME IMPERSONAL way? I've treated the ex-Psych professor WORSE than I'd do the ex-Narc boss, because the ex-Narc respects people to a certain extent. I've compared him to a temperamental infant, rubbed my happiness in his face to hurt him... and YES, I've wished him happiness (over 4 years, I knew it ticked him off, for some reason), and said my mother is a BETTER editor than him. Incredibly cold, callous, inhumane. I'd make myself sick if I were the one receiving what I've sent him... but then I remember what he did to me, and I am at a strange peace. I'm no longer in the Narc-pleasing stage. He hasn't contacted me in a decade (THANK GOD!). He hasn't even said "eff off" or given me a "return to sender." And yes, I've thanked him for NOT contacting me. I've been tempted to say "You were BLESSED by my presence. You treated me with disdain and contempt. Since my shoes are dirty, can you please lick them?" I respect my Narc grandmother. She's family. She's come down with Alzheimer's. I respect my ex-Narc boss. I avoid him. I wouldn't do anything to hurt him on purpose... besides, I wish him and his boyfriend well. I have ZERO respect for the ex-Psych professor. He'd be safer in North Korea than if he ever tried entering my mind/heart instead. Using the raccoon analogy, in the South they'd jest get out da' shotgun and roast the coon for dinner!
Oct 3 - 12PM (Reply to #10)
Briseis
Briseis's picture

When the tables are turned

When the tables are turned on a Narc, they respond with the same responses you and I do. Aggravation, dismay, outrage. What you might be wondering is do they have any conception of "what goes around comes around." ??? Nope. You and I learn from our mistakes (eventually). Narc's CAN'T. Their personality disorder prevents that kind of awareness and flexibility.
Oct 3 - 12PM (Reply to #11)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Darn it! I don't get to see his temper tantrums!

After what he did to me, frankly, I'd enjoy watching him "dance" and writhe. It's nice to know when I break NC every once in awhile... he's going through what I felt. What's funny and ironic is that the ex-P belongs to a "causality forum" with his father (not making this up) Maybe I can give him that alligator teething toy, saying he can enjoy it when he's in his play pen while his Daddy has some time with the grown-ups. If I can't get him to apologize, at least I can screw with his mind.
Oct 3 - 5AM (Reply to #8)
Used
Used's picture

taking it personal

i took it all personal, why shouldnt i , i am a person... i havent ever agreed with it not beign personal. one of the reasons beign there were certain people narc would behave with, i sussed out these were people who wouldnt put up with it... if it wasent personal and not done on purpose, then he would have acted like that with everyone.. he said to me once, after disappearing for weeks[after i had offended him of course] have you "learnt your lesson" and i thought no but you are going to luv... so his remark to me was personal... and my treatment of him from then on was personal... and when he said to me...you used to make me feel so special..what happened.? and i said oh its not personal. ... you can dish it out narc,but cant take it... it is always personal. he even told me who had pissed him off and how he was going to pay them back..
Oct 3 - 12PM (Reply to #9)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

When former supply attacks...

I'd rather book the ex-Psych professor a vacation to Pyongyang than have him try to enter my head AGAIN... The ex-P would say "Don't take what I say personally." In retrospect, what he said during the D&D was that I was taking what he said too personally and that I wasn't taking him seriously(??) Throughout the D&D, it's as if he were quoting websites on how to deal with Narcs. He'd say I was to keep my distance, not take what he said personally, and that's what sites like these say. Not that I'd tell him(!!!) When he said "Toughen up" and "if you're so unhappy, why don't you kill yourself?" AFTER my grandfather died, of course I took it personally. He'd say nasty things then blithely say "Did you learn your lesson?" (the words are eerily similar, aren't they?) It seems like Ns/Ps maintain contact if they think they can control the narrative... if they think they can control you. The ex-P avoided me when I was happy. Yes, HAPPY. Narcs pursue happiness by wrong means;Psychopaths despise happiness. If I break NC, I basically follow these simple rules to withhold NS- 1)No admiration/no butt kissing 2)No "I still love you",nothing romantic 3)No anger 4)No hatred Telling him I was happy, wishing him happiness and/or ridiculing him ALWAYS ticked him off. So I don't withhold that AT ALL. It's the supply... just not the kind he'd want. It would be like giving peanut butter cookies and a glass of milk to a lactose intolerant person with nut allergies. "Tonight, we dine in Hell"-Spartan king Leonidas to the Persian tyrant Xerxes
Oct 2 - 7AM
fooled no longer
fooled no longer's picture

TO HIM YOUR FEELINGS ARE A JOKE

This is really the worst thing that can happen to you, I know, you have my compassion. Heres the mistake you are making : YES!!! TO HIM YOUR FEELINGS ARE A JOKE Yes I know thats strange to us normal people, but my Narc laughed in front of me about the pain he caused his exwife by his lies and screwing around. I couldnt see it, as he presented himself as the victim of a nagging obsessed wife. These snakes are so damn sly. They see emotion as weakness. Hes a snake pure and simple. He will convince everyone you were the one living off him, and they will believe him. Really dont use your normal brain to understand the sociopath, it doesnt work. Heres the message I wrote my narc to express my feelings , he wont get it, He will delete it. BUT THEY ARE REAL FEELINGS!!! So you want to leave behind the chaos you caused in the house as usual, because this is your fuel necessary for life. You thrive on the misery and pain you cause to others, and its taken me a long time to realize that. I see what our relationship is to you. You Treat it like nothing, like a joke. You put this all on me. Everything is a joke with you, right? especially when you can fuck with the emotions of the people in your life. You have used our relationship to hide behind for far too long. Come out to the light and admit how much pain you have caused. If not, you're a coward and that is all
Oct 2 - 10AM (Reply to #5)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

And he accused ME of not taking him seriously(!!!)

Early on, the ex-Psych professor said he laughed at EVERYTHING, and I remember telling him, not everything is funny (he was quoting Schopenhauer) But then again, he also said "Don't take anything I say personally"--yes,that's common advice on websites about dealing with Narcs. He thought everything he did to me was a JOKE... reducing me to tears in front of my classmates... flaunting his girlfriend... flattering my writing, then stabbing me in the back... humiliating me when my grandfather and my pastor friend died. During the D&D, I told him I expected honesty and respect from him, since I considered him a friend, and his response was that I wasn't taking him seriously. He'd say I didn't take him seriously... and I'd say "Of course I'm taking you seriously, that's why I'm CRYING. That's why my feelings are HURT." Now he is MY joke. That's how I've treated him. I've been tempted to break NC with "Congratulations on receiving grant money for your "War and Peace" lecture. Nice to see you took MY advice on connecting Tolstoy's work with Wittgenstein. Oh, and you must've gotten that grant money because philosophers are giving better blow jobs these days." My feelings were REAL.... he MOCKED them... now I'm the one MOCKING him... how does that feel? I know the ex-P HATED being the object of ridicule.
Oct 2 - 9AM (Reply to #4)
Mariline
Mariline's picture

You are perfectly right, in

You are perfectly right, in fact I am sure he is telling everybody that it was me who lived off him. And you know something, for crazy it is, he has a point, because WHO can believe that a millionaire was sucking life from a single working broke mum? The absurdity of this is killing me. And you are right he is a snake. While writing on Facebook "Tell her that I still love her." And the absurdity of this kills me too. Thank you for answering. I feel very alone today and for some reason every time I need support my topics look not very appealing with any evidence :-))) Thanks Fooled and michele.
Oct 2 - 5AM
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

I wish you well

sorry that you are going through such a tuff time.
Oct 2 - 6AM (Reply to #2)
Mariline
Mariline's picture

Thank you MIchele.

Thank you MIchele.