Psycho Boy - he is hoovering again

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#1 Sep 29 - 9PM
loveofmylife
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Psycho Boy - he is hoovering again

Ok, my N just moved into the definite psycho category yesterday. I shared this with betteroff early, but thought I'd show y'all.

____

If you can remember, on July 5th I was Final D&D'd by Narchead. He final words to me were
"I have decided that I no longer trust you"
and then about 4 paragraphs about how he no longer wanted ANY relationship with me of ANY kind. Oh, and since he is such a "great guy", he ended with "sorry to be so direct".

And he REFUSED my phone calls to discuss this conflict with him by phone. And said that because he doesn't trust me (remember, he decided that he could trust me because he couldn't trust that I would stay in the relationship despite being abused), that he couldn't talk to me on the phone and that I would have to submit my questions in writing or have a 3rd party on the line. O.M.G. After 23 years of "being his dearest and closest friend"

____

Ok, on my bday in August, he does wish me a happy bday. And then yesterday I get this (remember I've been NC):

"LOML: Hope all's well! I am meeting with your bank tomorrow (James and 5 others) to discuss a bunch of things/companies .. they are sure to ask me about your new product launch ... can you give me a couple of bullet points on progress and on formal market release date so that my message is consistent with yours??"

______

Ok, so he doesn't want a REAL relationship with me anymore. But he wants a FAKE, PRETEND relationship with me REALLY FAST SO HE CAN LOOK GOOD TO A BANK TO GET A JOB! I'm not GOOD enough for a real relationship with him, but by associating with me, he can look great and get more work.

And why in the hell would my bank ask him (who is out of my company) about my product launch??? If they want to know about my product launch, they will call me, since we talk EVERY WEEK.. no, he wanted to know because he knew they wouldn't ask him, but so he could bring it up and pretend like we were still best friends and business partners and still look like such a "great guy" making an impact at SOOOO many companies around the Bay.

So he can't have a relationship with me, but he still wants to continue to use me; after the final D&D. Still trying to extract as much supply out of me while giving me NOTHING back.

Reminds me of the garbage can story that was told today!

I'm sorry, but does this have a hint of psycho to you guys? It is like they can say the absolutely most cruel and hateful thing to you in the world, destroy your emotions, destroy your relationship and dance back in as if nothing happened and use you again.

Sep 30 - 9AM
Happy1
Happy1's picture

They are all bouncing balls.

They are all bouncing balls. They say what they feel for the day. Mine told me in July that he didn't like me or love me and never did love me. He told he wanted me out of his life forever. Then a month later he told me he realized how much he loved me and wanted to make us work. Wow! yo-yo life. Drama Drama Drama!
Sep 30 - 8PM (Reply to #46)
loveofmylife
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Happy

I really think you should take him up on his offer to be "out of his life forever".. He clearly doesn't appreciate you and this will forever be a struggle in your relationship. Go completely NC....and then live your life... but at least then you would have a chance of finding a man who truly does appreciate you. I HATE the bouncing ball, yo-yo, push/pull, roller coaster ride thing. That is what caused me to start having panic attacks. I never knew what was going to happen that day.
Sep 29 - 10PM
almostlydia
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It is typical MO to steal

It is typical MO to steal your credibility and then trash it. The ex got a whole lot of credibility by just being with me. And then I don't doubt he is trashing me as often as possible. And when we run around looking like the crazies because people just don't get it, we play right into their game. Guard your credibility and don't let him have a piece of it at all. almostlydia

almostlydia

Sep 29 - 10PM (Reply to #44)
loveofmylife
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very true

It is typical MO to steal your credibility and then trash it. I guess this is why Vampires is such a good analogy. I guess in some twisted way they associate with those they consider "the best" and then destroy them so that they can look "even higher" to their new victims...."yeah, she just wasnt' good enough for me....even though she has a great reputation and great credentials and is a great person...she just wasnt' good enough. Hell, she weighs 40 pounds more than me! And you know that I have a stellar body and therefore only date women with a stellar body...so, I tossed her out! And now she got crazy on me!" But the truth is, we scare them...because we are real and they are not... and after enough close time together the contrast becomes very stark. So they have to destroy us out of fear. puke, puke, puke
Sep 29 - 10PM
better off
better off's picture

Yes it is TOTALLY psycho...

Yes it is TOTALLY psycho... "Oh, hi, let's just forget how I said I can't speak to you without a third party, and how bout you just give me all your confidential company information so I can pretend I have been doing something, like...working, the last couple months. Just put in bullet point form, thanks." Like you're his f'ing SECRETARY. I'd like to put it in bullet point form for him! Hollow point bullets. JERK!
Sep 29 - 10PM (Reply to #16)
loveofmylife
loveofmylife's picture

unreal, isn't it?

yes, dictating the format of my confidential response. I still want to call him....please, please, please! And say: Help me understand this. You want to have a FAKE relationship with me and get inside info so that you can PRETEND we are still best friends and business partners to get work. You refuse to have a REAL relationship with me; therefore you are trying to use me....again... So does that mean you are a f*cking, manipulating, abusive, con-man, psycho, narcissistic player....as is it just me?" Please let me call him!
Sep 30 - 4AM (Reply to #42)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

NO CONTACT!

NO Contact!
Sep 29 - 10PM (Reply to #17)
better off
better off's picture

NOOO!!! Let me be him:

NOOO!!! Let me be him: "LOML, here we go again. You know I have never wanted a personal relationship with you. This is something you have wanted. We've been over this, and I'm tired of having the same failed boundary conversation. I thought you were bigger than this, but it seems like any time I try to be nice to you, you read too much into it, and respond in this totally unprofessional manner. Again, I was wrong about you. I thought I'd be able to help you out, as I always have done in the past, in this meeting with So-and-so, but again you have made it impossible for me to do so, since you insist on bringing your drama into this yet again. I'm truly sorry I won't be able to tell So-and-so that I was planning to work with you on this launch. I'll let him know." Most unsincerely, Narcface. Does that sound like fun? I know how badly you want to blast him, but he will definitely pull out the Scorned Woman defense. Don't let him! He told you to "do XYZ for him, darling, and how bout some coffee for the boys and me" and you are IGNORING him because he so does not deserve an ANSWER. Because it's LAUGHABLE. And really, it IS laughable... oh, let's get our messages consistent... I LOVE THAT ONE. Let's not BE consistent, let's get our MESSAGES consistent. His message is that he's lying right now about his involvement in your project and he wants you to give him a cheat sheet!! A cheat sheet! He's such a SNAKE!
Sep 30 - 9PM (Reply to #39)
loveofmylife
loveofmylife's picture

betteroff

can I say this?? "you said that you couldn't trust me and no longer wanted any relationship with me of any kind. And now you are asking me for very confidential company information as if we are still close confidantes....am I reading this correctly? If you would like to retract your earlier statements or apologize sincerely, you can contact me."
Sep 30 - 11PM (Reply to #40)
better off
better off's picture

Huh?

Of course you can't say that. "If you would like to retract your earlier statements or apologize sincerely, you can contact me." Can you explain the point of that statement to me? Why would you say "if you would like to apologize sincerely" to a psychopath? More to the point, why did you say YOU CAN CONTACT ME? You are seriously going to ask a psychopath if he will retract his statements or apologize to you? How to you expect him to respond? Please tell me how you imagine him responding to this?
Sep 30 - 11PM (Reply to #41)
better off
better off's picture

And besides that...wtf is up

And besides that...wtf is up with saying "am I reading this correctly?" ARE you reading it correctly? Don't you trust yourself? WHY are you asking HIM if you're reading it correctly? What do you suppose he's going to say? Yes? Don't ask him if you are right about something, EVER. You know that your summary of what he's done IS READING IT CORRECTLY. So don't ask him that. He'll just tell you that you are CRAZY. HE is crazy. He is crazier than a shithouse rat, loml.
Sep 30 - 3AM (Reply to #33)
Scoop
Scoop's picture

Better off and loveofmylife

Ewww i cant believe this freak is back . Better off "failed boundry converstation" just too funny ! loveofmylife , the way they swan back as if nothing has happened is the ultermate insult.. iv said it before and i will say it again youre narc really pisses me off !.... please stay no contact , this incidious piece of shit can not have one more ounce of youre energy !... it must have made you smile a bit that he came a hovering ? isnt there a sence of satisfaction to be right about someone ? xxx
Sep 30 - 9PM (Reply to #35)
loveofmylife
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Scoop

btw, why does my Narc piss you off? Sometimes it is good to hear the opinion who is not still brainwashed by the charm!
Oct 1 - 1PM (Reply to #36)
Scoop
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Loveofmylife

He pisses me off because he an arrogent, twisted , imperious ,scornful, supercillious, persumptious , conceited , superiour , selfimportant , overbearinging , high handed ,pompous ,bigheaded , lieing , cheating piece of shit .... ooooohhhh that felt good ... in fact give me his number ill tell him to his smug fake charming face ....go on you know you want to , you may be no contact with him but im not ...lol ! Big love xxx
Oct 1 - 10PM (Reply to #38)
loveofmylife
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Scoop

and by the way, he does have a smug, fake charming face. How did you know that? I haven't posted his picture, have I??
Oct 1 - 10PM (Reply to #37)
loveofmylife
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Scoop

I will seriously consider your offer...thanks.... xoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxox And the sad part is...that if you were to meet him today...you would think he was the most gorgeous, most charming, sweetest, most thoughtful, friendliest, most intelligent, most caring person you had ever met. You would be enarmored and you would be absolutely confused how this could be the same man that I talk about. He is soooo good at what he does...that probably only the 3 women who have been closest to him in his life has experienced the abuse.... it is so sad...because he is my ideal man (if it were not for the abuse!)
Sep 30 - 9PM (Reply to #34)
loveofmylife
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Scoop

We haven't talked in awhile...I miss you! I've been trying to scale back on the board and really figure out what to do about my marriage... and try to stop thinking about the Narc who wasted 23 years of my life with keeping me on the hook like he WAS WAITING FOR ME! Anyway, I have been reading your posts. And see your narcface hoovering back from time to time. And I do agree that it is the ultimate insult. Its like they think they can USE us again...thy walz right back into our lives with no apology, no explanation, no nothing and expect us to act normal again. But I think that is the biggest clue that they are using us. They cut right to the chase of what they want without even ATTEMPTING to repair the relationship first or come to terms with what happened. The things my N told me during final D&D were the most hateful words anyone has said to me IN MY LIFE! I felt like I died after that, and sadly have not felt joy or happiness since then. And coming from the person I love most in the world and did trust most in the world was more painful than I could have ever imagined. I ripped my whole life apart for him... and (sorry to sound like a narc), but I think guys consider me quite a catch...and i risked throwing everything away for him...just to be treated like TRASH. AND, after I kept him employed for YEARS - on top of being his SOULMATE! Oh, and I didn't post this yet, but I had lunch with a common friend a few days ago and found out MORE LIES that the N told: 1. That he brought me into my company (LIE - I brought him in) 2. That he was terminated from his $1M other job (that I provided the reference for) after one week (due to conflict with the owner), when he told me he left the company due to "malfeasance" he found....came literally crying back to me....and I REHIRED HIM!!!!!!!! And then he D&D me like three weeks later! So he lied to me by not telling me he was TERMINATED AFTER 1 WEEK! So yes, it is bittersweet... I do believe the narc/psycho diagnosis is 100% correct. But he is such a charmer and so gorgeous and so smart and so fake empathetic and I still feel so incredibly connected to him at a soul level, that it is very easy for him to suck me back in. And I am so, so sad and distraught that we are not "living happily ever after" like I thought it would work out.
Sep 29 - 10PM (Reply to #27)
loveofmylife
loveofmylife's picture

Betteroff

you have such a gift of words and directness... surely you must have some short, quick pearl that I could shoot back it him that would put him in his place???? :)
Sep 30 - 6AM (Reply to #31)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

I have one....

Reply to the message: Who is this?
Sep 30 - 9PM (Reply to #32)
loveofmylife
loveofmylife's picture

michele115

this really made me laugh, thanks!
Sep 29 - 11PM (Reply to #28)
better off
better off's picture

OK, listen... you can

OK, listen... you can respond as such, with a very bemused attitude and friendly and professional, and give him NOTHING. The thing you cannot do is mention ONE word about relationships. That is quicksand. I mean, just say, "Got your message. Thanks! Hope you're doing well too. As for Company, J and I talk on a pretty regular basis so he should be up to speed on just about everything here. I'm sure he'll let me know if he has any questions vis a vis what you guys are working on. Good luck with the meeting! Regards, LOML Acting COO Just kidding about the "acting" part..haha. And don't say vis a vis unless you would really say that. And make sure you say "regards" cuz that's for me. LOL Sorry, but a msg like THAT will make him twist in the wind far more than actually calling that lying SNAKE out on anything real. JMO
Sep 30 - 9PM (Reply to #29)
loveofmylife
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regards

yes, I will remember to always end things with "regards" just for you...so you can live vicariously through me to get back at that narchead of yours!
Sep 30 - 11PM (Reply to #30)
better off
better off's picture

And for this I will always

And for this I will always be grateful!! You have no idea. Thx! xoxox
Sep 29 - 10PM (Reply to #18)
loveofmylife
loveofmylife's picture

OMG Betteroff

That sounds exactly like him! How did you do that! So, did you cut and paste from his emails to create this gem or did you just call him to get dictation. That is UNREAL! You are TRULY GIFTED!
Sep 29 - 10PM (Reply to #19)
better off
better off's picture

I speak jive..

I speak jive.. And I did do that from memory.. he only has a couple variations on a theme. I'm telling you, they are not exciting, they are BORING.
Sep 29 - 11PM (Reply to #21)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

"They are BORING"

And that's why I NEVER burnt the copy of the ex-P professor's lecture. I know I needed a non-medication form of sleep aid... and comic fodder... So, let me quote his philosophical bon mots. Get your coffee girls (and some boys), because this is going to be a boring ride. It's like flying across the country, and getting endless refills as you fly over the flat Midwest- "In thinking that he has grasped the 'essence of language' (what Wittgenstein calls a 'non-spatial, non-temporal phantasm') he has disengaged himself from the very thing that does in fact give meaning to language, namely, the hurly-burly of human activity. What the Investigations aims to do is lead the philosopher (whether in Wittgenstein or ourselves) back to that reality in which language has meaning... This bringing back words to their everyday use involves looking in detail at the ways in which words are used. The activity of the Investigations, like the activities of the Confessions (of St. Augustine),is an activity in which one struggles to remain within the reality of human life despite the temptation to 'run up against the limits of language',a reality in which there is yet the possibility of real wonder." It's irony time, folks! The ex-P couldn't understand why I'd enjoy picking berries with my father and my sister in Oregon, and he deems Yellowstone overrated.* *A person at another website responded thusly "Did you knock the snot out of him?"
Sep 30 - 4AM (Reply to #26)
helldweller
helldweller's picture

Susan

Maybe Augustine or Wittgenstein can lead your narc back to "that reality in which language has meaning."--NOT! LOL
Sep 30 - 4AM (Reply to #25)
helldweller
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Susan

Maybe Augustine or Wittgenstein can lead your narc back to "that reality in which language has meaning."--NOT! LOL
Sep 29 - 11PM (Reply to #22)
better off
better off's picture

Yeah, that was just like

Yeah, that was just like driving thru Kansas... He sounds like he uses a "philosophy phrase generator" that randomly puts clauses together.
Sep 29 - 11PM (Reply to #23)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Philosophy Phrase Generators are MOAR FUN!!!!

And THAT'S why I didn't burn it after the D&D. I knew it would be of future use... and at the time, I did not know what. "That was like driving thru Kansas"-It makes Valerian tea (Valerian is the herbal basis of Valium) and Celestial Seasonings' Sleepytime Chamomile look like weak sauce in comparison. Reading this reminds me of flying over Kansas, Nebraska, Wisconsin.... and when the stewardess asked if I wanted more coffee, I'd say "YES." I hope the current students at my college use his lecture as an opportunity to sleep off hangovers. "Randomly puts clauses together"- Yes, Virginia, there IS a Santa Clause! Breaking NC early on is a BAD IDEA... but not too long ago, I saw the ex-P's summary of a class on Schopenhauer's "World as Will and Representation" and IT MADE NO SENSE. It was random, jumbled... and I consider myself random(!!!) I took him to task for using "in which" too much, hence the Salem Which Trial... he was from Massachusetts.