The MESSAGE in emotions.

Healing from Narc poisoning, as we all know, in a long drawn out, painful, difficult process. There is no escaping any of those roller coaster trips, as is often said on these boards, the only way through is through.

One of the things I have discovered through my own healing is being able to FACE those emotions. They seem at first insurmountable and impossible, especially when we are bouncing between rage, fear, grief, lonliness, confusion etc etc. It is like being caught in our own hurricane and we literally are bouncing off the walls.

If we take a step back and consider WHY we are having these emotions, WHAT are our emotions trying to tell us? Simple answer "YOU IN DANGER, GIRL"

Question...when did we stop listening to ourselves? Better question...when did we START?

Our society has conditioned us to be nice, caring, pleasant, selfless, considerate, etc etc, and has discouraged us from complaining, anger, dissatisfaction the list goes on. We have been taught to hide bad feeling, and pretend we can handle it.

When is the last time someone said Hi how are you, have you responded with something like, "well actually I feel like a pile of shit right now and I want to spit in the next eye that looks sideways at me. And You?" But no, we would say "fine thank you" because we do what we are supposed to do.

The thing about feelings and emotions, they are there to serve a purpose. While we have been conditioned to ignore or deny them, a Narc experience means we no longer have that ability. It is like lifting the lid on a volcano, it is all coming out. Sometimes there is more than the Narc experience behind it. There can be a lifetime of suppressed feelings that many of us did not even know were there.

When you find yourselves asking "why does it hurt so much" "How long will it last" "Why can't I stop" it is because your body is saying "because I need to". I can only describe it as a kind of purging fire, and you will come out the other side, but rather that trying to stop any of these emotions, march right into them, explore them, allow them, examine them. It is the greatest kindness you can do for yourself because you are accepting that you can ALLOW yourself to have these feelings. You have earned the RIGHT to feel. As you allow these emotions to flow, you will begin to identify why they are there and what you need to learn from them. It sounds simplistic putting it this way and I suppose in a way it is, but allow yourself patience with your self and by little steps you will begin to move through. Sometimes it will feel like your making great strides and there will be times that you will feel you are sliding backwards.

There are many ways to healing, and different people go through different ways, but some kind of therapy is always essential. This is the way I have come through my healing, by focusing on ME and MY feelings. Whatever the Narc did for whatever reason, is no longer my concern. My only concern in that regard is ME. I now allow myself to be me.