How long??

The ex-Psych professor was the charmer. He KNEW he was handsome, so much so he'd flaunt his bare chest in the college coffee shop. However, he was incredibly savage when my grandfather died from cancer. He spread nasty rumors about me, made me go to a therapist (who was also one of my professors at the time), and said that I needed to "learn to manage my feelings." After my grandfather died, he'd say,"If you're so unhappy, why don't you kill yourself?" Very early on.

There are red flags from the VERY beginning, however unless you are already very educated on how to spot them you may completely miss them or attribute them to something else, excuse them and continue with the relationship. The D&D usually only comes when they know you are committed and attached to them (i.e. you moved in with them, married them, etc.) They are afraid of abandonment so they live the fantasy until they have you... they don't show their "true colors" until they know you aren't going to just up and leave.

9 months with me 5 months with the OW only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

I had known him for three years. He was married at the time (although had divorced by the time we became involved). At any rate - first red flag was I heard him on the phone screaming in a subhuman, sinister tone of voice at someone whom I presumed to be his wife. Little did I know that one day I too would be the recipient of that alien scream only it wasn't over the phone- it was in my face. Narcissistic rage at it's finest.

If I count the red flags that I can see NOW (but not back then) his true colors were showing from the moment I met him, long before I was attracted to him. The first true color I recognized (and ignored of course) was two weeks into our dating life. After he moved in, which was two months into dating, he didn't bother to hold up the facade anymore.

i knew from the beginning he was controling himself, and i told him so,, . i had also been warned about him, but i just wanted friendship, so i didnt see any problem... the first real bad fight, when i became freinds with another male freind, so about 2years, but it was scary, it was in the street, with camera,s every where,, and he was hysyerical and foaming at the mouth.but b/c it wasent a sexual relationship, i think thats why the cracks didnt show,b/f that, there were red flags i ignored them. it was meeting another man friend, that sent it all spirrling out of control...... it didnt matter that he was the biggest male whore going and he could be friends with loads of women... no that was ok ..as long as i had no man freind but him and for 2years it was only him.. cos he told me he wouldnt like me seeing anyone else[ so i didnt], but after 2years of him doing what he wanted, i done what i wanted. in other words he had lost his control over me.. he told me to give him up i said no!, he said i will get rid of him then.. he couldnt, thats when it all got horrible.. oh i forgot to say, thats when he began trying to get me to have sex.. and tho i didnt , and still didnt during a massive fight, he made me relize by what he was screaming at me.. what sex would have been like with him.he was an animal.. i got home and kept going over and over it in my head and i kept thinking all this f..king time i have been friend with a sexual predetor, all this time... it was a bad time for me, and thats why i feel so sorry for the women here who have been sexually involved with them..... i came home had a shower and stayed in for days.... and still went back after his apology...that he was sorry he didnt mean it and wouldnt say anything like that again... I KNOW I KNOW.

in my experience they are not able to keep the show for more than 4 or 5 months.

6 to 7 weeks. I remember the scene vividly.

Bella68 I started dating my stbax when I was 16, so very naive then. But I should have realized it THEN. But fast forward to 17yrs later with marriage and 2 kids. He crossed the line with physical abuse. After a year with a restraining order, assault on his crimminal record he got/I enabled his hooks into me with his charm. We "dated" for 7 months, I moved back and then it was only 4 months and it started all over again. He has been gone for almost 4 months, just in time to move in with his new gf! Not my problem anymore. Sorry I ran off on a tangent, but I hope I shed some light for you. Playedwithfire

My Xn ran on a six week cycle. I could, once I knew what was happening to me, set my watch to it. That's how I got out for good. The last time I took him back I was also working with a DV counselor. I had the info I needed because of this site and checked in with the counselor whenever I needed to. Sure enough as the weeks went by the shape shifting began. It was like a lab experiment for me. I finally kicked his butt out for the last time and went NC immediately. 19 months later I have not faltered on NC once! He is still calling me though. In fact just this past Tuesday and Thursday. Tough for him. I think how does it feel sucka to know I've moved on and you have no idea at all what I'm up to. I told him when we first met don't F with a biker chic. He should have listened.................