No kissing

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#1 Sep 14 - 7PM
hooklineandsinker
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No kissing

Did anyone else come across a weird aversion to passionate, open-mouthed kissing in their N? I've always heard that prostitutes don't kiss, because it's the most intimate act of all, so they just won't do it. That might explain why mine never would (well, ONE time in 8 months, for about 2 seconds) - it's just too intimate for them.

On our third date we went to hear some blues and then went for late drinks. Got a taxi to mine and I asked him in for some tea. Was sitting on the couch beside him and we were talking. He wasn't making any moves whatsoever. I finally climbed onto his knee and started kissing him. However he just responded with closed, short kisses. I thought this was extremely weird and had never come across this behaviour before - most men LOVE passionate, full-on kissing in my experience. I actually asked him "Do you not want to kiss me?" He said he did, but still the same weird hesitancy continued. I joked "So what's the hold-up then?" After that he made a little more effort but it was still far short of what you would usually expect when you ask someone up for tea after a date! I had no intention of sleeping with him that night.

Later he explained that because in the past he had slept with some women "literally within minutes of meeting them" that he had wanted to take things slowly with me on the physical side, and get to know me first. I didn't like the assumption that he thought I wanted to sleep with him on that third date - I had no intention of it! I did however sleep with him on our fifth date, which comprised a weekend in the countryside with some of my other friends. Then again he was weirdly hesitant and explained that he was nervous because I was "a beautiful woman". He said that he liked the sensation of being nervous because he NEVER EVER feels nervous about anything else in his life (red flag? boredom? sense of entitlement?) I didn't think that his nervousness was weird that time though as plenty of guys are nervous the first time they have sex with you.

The no-kissing thing did weird me out though.

May 4 - 7PM
tiredofthisaddiction
tiredofthisaddiction's picture

My ex-N was

May 3 - 1PM
napoli13
napoli13's picture

No kissing

May 4 - 3AM (Reply to #43)
Lookforward
Lookforward's picture

It's because they truly feel

Sep 15 - 9PM
lisalisa47
lisalisa47's picture

HEY FUNSIZE

I forced my narc to kiss me the first date. In fact, I stuck my tongue down his throat and made him take me to a hotel room. That was the most romantic and sexy 2 weekends (we went back to the same hotel the next weekend) we EVER had as a couple. Here's how MINE degressed....FIRST - sex, which had never been frequent, dwindled away to MAYBE once a month. However, the affection was still there, so although i made comments from time to time, he still SEEMED to adore me BUT that started going south too. Sex became MORE infrequent, and so did the affection. What did increase, however, was the time he spent in front of his computer not sleeping in the bed with me, and the tell tale signs of adultry i started to see, which he denied. I once told him "You could come home with 2 hookers swinging from your privates, and if you STILL paid attention to me, It wouldn't be a problem. WEll, i exagerated but you know what i mean. Here's my take. THEY WANT intimacy with you, and TRY it. For a whle it's good, then one they realize that you aren't acting like every little fart they make is so adorable, OR they see you without make up one day and realize HEY she's JUST human, DAMN!!! And THEN the depersonalization of YOU starts as HE starts to seek out "lesser beings" he can impress with his GOD LIKE STATUS. I also have one other opinion from my many observations: I think one of the reasons our narcs treat US so bad is because everytime they SEE US after they turn into themselves, they are reminded of: A. They're shitty treatment of us B. They feel guilty C. And every time they look at us that are reminded of their failures with yet ANOTHER woman and that makes them resent the hell out of us.

LML

Sep 16 - 8PM (Reply to #41)
TraumaMamma
TraumaMamma's picture

I think we married the same man

It went down the same way. I, too, competed with chat rooms, yahoo, strippers on the computer sending pictures and him taking care of himself before I got home from work. (I worked 2nd shift) Mine is definitely Somatic. I have traveled down a dark road with him and I will leave it at that. Not going there again. *sigh* Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow.' --Mary Anne Radmache

Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow.' --Mary Anne Radmache

Sep 15 - 11AM
jen79
jen79's picture

no hugging no kissing

Yes and yes. OMG. I thought I am the only one on this one. This haunted me for so long. Why the hell, do they want to see you, if they dont want to kiss nor hug you, I never got that.
Sep 15 - 9PM (Reply to #39)
Tinker
Tinker's picture

no hugging, no kissing

YES! mine only kissed for the first few weeks, he obviously disliked it. for the past two years, he's barely kissed me. i think it's way too intimate for him to handle. he never liked hugging tho i could see he was trying sometimes. he loved to close his eyes and be touched, but really didn't like touching me. while i was really attracted to him, i would leave so empty. he was a somatic narcissist, very sexual but only if it was not intimate. it's so sad that he's that way and that i kept coming back for more... marissa
Sep 15 - 11AM
jen79
jen79's picture

no hugging no kissing

Yes and yes. OMG. I thought I am the only one on this one. This haunted me for so long. Why the hell, do they want to see you, if they dont want to kiss nor hug you, I never got that.
Sep 15 - 11AM
Susan32
Susan32's picture

No hugging

The ex-Psych professor had a difficult time with physical affection (I mean the non-sexual type), and it was odd there were rumors about us being lovers, because we certainly didn't make out in public. The only physical affection I enjoyed with the ex-P.... was in my dreams. It's like my subconscious dreams of physical intimacy were compensating for the utter dearth of emotional intimacy. The ex-P always had a firm, tight handshake. He had a hard time letting go.... literally. It was a grip. And it could go on for a long time. When I saw the ex-P and his girlfriend, they acted more like siblings than lovers. I thought that if he was going to flaunt his relationship, he was going to go ALL THE WAY with kissing, hand holding, etc.... like high school. But he didn't. The pair seemed so cold and emotionless. I only hugged the ex-P once. He was very awkward about it, I could see the fear in his eyes. For someone who had gotten paunchy, hugging him was like hugging the skeleton in the lab. Eerie.
Sep 15 - 2AM
marie27m
marie27m's picture

kissing

My ex also stopped kissing after about a month. He got braces on his bottom teeth (at 36... Mr Vain...) and said it was uncomfortable to kiss. But a couple of times when he was really drunk it was suddenly okay again. He also said he didn't like kissing and he never, ever kissed me during sex. I knew it was odd but chose to ignore it...
Sep 15 - 1AM
Alibi_10
Alibi_10's picture

Kissing

Hmmm. .. started off saying he preferred kissing to sex because was more intimate. .... and it was nice. THEN started witholding sex and saying did not want to snog my face off. Would not have mattered if I had snogged HIS face off cos he has plenty more. ;o) !
Sep 15 - 12AM
Lotus
Lotus's picture

Mine stopped kissing me too

After a couple of months of us hooking up he stopped kissing me. He said it was too personal... In the begining it was passionate well so I thought. And then slowly came to a screeching halt with maybe a few dead fish kisses inbetween.. now when I look back after 2 yrs of counseling, reading and research I am just now putting all the pieces together and realising that I was involved with a Somatic Narcissit. I now believe the kissing was just part of his game to reel me in. And here I was thinking there was something wrong with me. Like I had bad breath or something... My dentisit reassurred me that I didn't. Lotus

Lotus

Sep 15 - 12PM (Reply to #33)
hooklineandsinker
hooklineandsinker's picture

Yeah, mine said he didn't

Yeah, mine said he didn't like the taste of the toothpaste I used. So I changed it, and told him, but still nothing.
Sep 14 - 10PM
miinx
miinx's picture

OH GOSH. i was hoping

OH GOSH. i was hoping someone would post something like this. the first time we slept together, mine kissed me endlessly for AGES. i thought it was so romantic. this lasted a week. after that, he refused to kiss me whatsoever save for reluctant closed mouth pecks that i initiated. for FIVE YEARS. he claimed he didnt like kissing. it really screwed with my head - i thought i was completely undesirable. glad to see im not the only one who dealt with this.
Sep 14 - 10PM (Reply to #31)
MsVulcan500
MsVulcan500's picture

I could count on one hand

I could count on one hand the number of times that we really made out just for the fun of it in 5 years. And that was mostly in the beginning. Then later only when he was hoovering. Kissing is so intimate and romantic, and it was just too much for him I guess. When I finally realized that that was just another thing that was "off", I was pulling up those rose colored glasses and starting to see how it would always be and it didn't really matter anymore.
Sep 14 - 10PM (Reply to #30)
MsVulcan500
MsVulcan500's picture

double post

double post
Sep 14 - 10PM (Reply to #29)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

I mentioned it in a couple

I mentioned it in a couple of posts but no one picked up on it I guess. I included with the whats up with the E D stuff.
Sep 14 - 9PM
Happy1
Happy1's picture

My N now squints and screws

My N now squints and screws his face up when I come at him to kiss him like I'm about to punch him instead of kiss him.... hmmmm.... now that's a good idea. 8-)
Sep 15 - 9PM (Reply to #27)
lisalisa47
lisalisa47's picture

Does his name start with a T

and rhyme with ODD? Which he is? LOL that was the funniest thing i've ever heard, and also what my narc was doing everytime i went to kiss him. Although now that he's injail,he's probably REALLY keeping them closed when Bubba comes up for a a kis...LOLLOL LOL You are funny

LML

Sep 14 - 9PM
helldweller
helldweller's picture

kissing

Yes, on our first date, when I walked up to him at the bar where we met, he kissed me like I had come across the desert after a ten year absence. He stopped when his foster child came. After that the "Hollywood" kisses--full of passion and romance--became real hollywood kisses--eyes tightly closed and close-mouthed on the side of my mouth, like pretending.
Sep 14 - 9PM
helldweller
helldweller's picture

kissing

Yes, on our first date, when I walked up to him at the bar where we met, he kissed me like I had come across the desert after a ten year absence. He stopped when his foster child came. After that the "Hollywood" kisses--full of passion and romance--became real hollywood kisses--eyes tightly closed and close-mouthed on the side of my mouth, like pretending.
Sep 14 - 9PM
helldweller
helldweller's picture

kissing

Yes, on our first date, when I walked up to him at the bar where we met, he kissed me like I had come across the desert after a ten year absence. He stopped when his foster child came. After that the "Hollywood" kisses--full of passion and romance--became real hollywood kisses--eyes tightly closed and close-mouthed on the side of my mouth, like pretending.
Sep 15 - 2AM (Reply to #23)
M
M's picture

kissing

my xNh did it so romantically in the beginning. Then I would have to remind him to kiss me goodbye as he or I left for work. Kisses are an intimiate expression. That's why most hookers don't kiss. Keeps it less intimate--just like the N wants.
Sep 14 - 9PM
Happy1
Happy1's picture

Mine stopped kissing me a

Mine stopped kissing me a long time ago. He did kiss in the beginning. No clue on what makes them stop. Weird how they have this in common as well.
Sep 14 - 8PM
WellRed
WellRed's picture

Wow! I never thought to ask

Wow! I never thought to ask if that was a common trait. Back when we did have sex, there was never any kissing, at least not after the first year or so. I decided that was ok because he was a lousy kisser anyway. He used to get my whole face wet - YUK! He is a "peck" kisser now. You know, hello and goodby. LOL
Sep 14 - 9PM (Reply to #20)
Alive
Alive's picture

commen trait

believe me, wet, wet, wet. YUK . slobbering all over me for about two seconds...lol which is about as much they can deal with.
Sep 14 - 8PM
SBlaze86
SBlaze86's picture

The narcissist I formerly

The narcissist I formerly dated lacked a great deal of passion ultimately. Anytime we kissed, it was deliberate, routine, brief and mechanical. There was one instance when there was an attempt for a 'passionate' kiss while we were in public, which I of course didn't like as I made it no secret that I am not one who enjoys participating in public displays of affection and my mother was present, which had I engaged, I would have considered it inappropriate. Yet feelings were somehow 'hurt'. In the courting phase there was a lot of feigned passion which I initially attributed to a lack of dating experience and his wanting to make a good impression and possibly being a bit nervous. However, this was before I'd known a thing about Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Sep 14 - 7PM
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

yep!

round one with him we kissed passionately. round 2 only short closed mouth kisses. I think this has something to do with the Madonna whore complex?
Sep 14 - 7PM (Reply to #16)
better off
better off's picture

Or they prefer kissing men,

Or they prefer kissing men, or transvestites, or donkeys... whatever
Sep 14 - 8PM (Reply to #17)
Alive
Alive's picture

kissing

mine was as wet as the ocean, grimey and slivery. I had to wipe my mouth the ONCE OR twice he kissed me, he never kissed me, always on the head. Twat