Venting

22 posts / 0 new

#1 Sep 14 - 9AM

helldweller

Venting

Dammit. I was doing so great until I saw that home wrecking, back stabbing whore picking up the kids from school yesterday. What the hell is it with this woman? I know the answer, but I have been ranting and raving to myself all morning at the top of my lungs. It would be one thing if she was an OW, but she's like his fucking mother for God's sake! She is an out of work hairstylist who was banging his brother! She weighs 200 pounds and walks like a longshoreman. She is the untouchable subject, the unquestionable constant. WTF???????????????????????????????????????????????

I know, I know, she is perfect supply. She has proven her unquestioning, unwavering allegiance for the past fifteen years. I really wish everyone on here had such a crystal clear example of how, when the shit hits the fan, they weigh supply and take the best bet. There is no comprising. He would rather have died than talk to this woman and explain that her coldness was causing trouble for us--or even light heartedly say to her, "Can you please just get along?" Or even just invite both of us over casually for a cookout or something to get us back together. No freaking way.

Thanks for letting me write this. I feel 50% better since I sat down here at the PC. I really lost it this morning.

Can anyone give me some advice on this new problem?
Even though we are moving, and I won't see him constantly or her constantly, we will be at the same school and now our kids come out the same door. I know the goal is to not care, but how do I do this when I see him standing there and see her standing there, waiting for the child to come out? I thought about asking their dad to pick up my daughters instead, but he often has to work in the afternoon so this won't always be possible.

#2 Sep 15 - 5AM

Qing Yuan

Heddweller you are having a

Heddweller you are having a very hard time right now. stay strong. pass out a lttle of that kindness you have inside you to yourself. Try take a bath, listen to music, listen to God in the wind, in the trees, hear your own spirit calling up all your feminine strength. You are powerful and all that anger is justified but be a pillar of strength for your children. I'm gettign better at waiting until the sleeping or away from me to scream ane cry and bang the pillows. You dont have to be an abused woman. Neitehr do I. We are better than them. Stay strong. Get healthy, make that your goal. I will fight my addictions and walk out of this. I want you to feel that healong in your life too. It is coming for us becasue we have thepower to break old patterns and past cycles and start anew. x peace be with you HD QY

#3 Sep 14 - 12PM

helldweller

My eight year old came home from school because of him

Ok. I'm breathing or trying to. My little eight year old girl came home sick an hour ago. She told the nurse, "I feel sick in my stomach." The nurse asked if everything was okay, and she said, "Donnie doesn't love me anymore. Kathy doesn't love me anymore." Donnie is the narc. My God, she is reacting to seeing them together at school just as I am. I swear I have not said a word about it in front of my children. She told her counselr at school last year: "Donnie was going to marry my Mommy but he didn't like me so he got another kid and went away." I told him and he said, "That's not my problem." I am so fuming mad. My daughter is lying on the couch crying! There is absolutely nothing I can do. I hate myself for letting this happen! I stopped but nothing stops the fallout! Help!

#4 Sep 14 - 11PM (Reply to #20)

Susan32

Tough love

Abusive relationships bring out the worst in people, even in sweet, genuine people like you. You're angry, you're jealous, you're hurt.... valid feelings. Anyone NORMAL would feel that way. You have to get out of the spiral of craziness. I know the ex-P WANTED me to go nuts on him, he pushed the envelope.. and he would've been glowing if I smashed his windshield or fought his girlfriend. So I had to move away, without telling ANYONE (including him) For your sake, for your daughter's sake, you have to go MC and/or NC. This is only hurting you. It's hurting her.

#5 Sep 14 - 4PM (Reply to #15)

better off

This is gonna hurt

Gotta call you out. I'm sorry, but somebody has to. You haven't said a word in front of your children??? You took their couch and threw it on his porch. They had to sit on the floor because your pride was more important than their couch. OF COURSE SHE IS REACTING JUST LIKE YOU! Do you really and truly think they don't know what's going on? That they aren't completely aware of your losing your mind over this sonofabitch? The drinking, the beating you took in your front yard, your obsession? Have you told them that they are more important than this sicko or have you shown them that NOTHING is more important than this man rejecting all of you? You called the NARC and told him about what your daughter said to a counselor? Why the fuck would you discuss your precious child with him? Guess what? It's NOT his problem. You should want him as far away from your children as humanly possible. As for school, she is acting out your drama. This is COMMON in families with addiction. Jesus, helldweller, this is a wake-up call. YOU are ruining your life, not him. And you are going to ruin your daughters' lives if you do not get a grip on your addiction. I was already a little unsettled about the fact that you were ranting about the babysitter earlier saying you "knew better than to touch her or they would lock you up so fast.." implying that you have been entertaining thoughts of DOING something to her. How do you know you won't act on that? You've already smashed a window with a hammer. THIS GUY IS A JUDGE, he can DESTROY YOU. Do you not see what kind of danger you are putting your FAMILY in? It feels like you are in a rage over all of this simply because this man is WHO HE IS and NOT who you fantasize him to be. It's normal to get thrown for a loop when you realize this, but you KNOW the truth now. And all your anger seems directed at the fact (I am talking about posts you have made) that although you have fantasized an entire dream life with him, an entire dream person to live it with, and now a fantasized ending of him "waking up" and running to you, HE WILL NOT COMPLY. And it is making you crazy. At this point you are making HIM the object. The man you have in your head does not exist. The life you wanted does not exist. The imaginary ending DOES NOT EXIST. If you don't come back to reality, and soon, I am very afraid for what the future holds for you, and frankly I'm afraid for what it holds for people around you. I am begging you one last time to find some real help to deal with this situation and start taking responsibility for what YOU are doing. FORGET about the babysitter!!! GET AWAY AND GO NO CONTACT.

#6 Sep 15 - 4AM (Reply to #18)

Mariline

Thank you better off. I have

Thank you better off. I have avoided to answer to this thread because I was so enraged. I have already warned Helldweller that she is risking to lose her daughters. I am a Primary School teacher and at this point I would be on the verge of calling the services, It is always something you do carefully, but I would have called the mother and have a VERY GOOD CHAT. It is such a shameful waste. Helldweller is such a talented and fantastic woman. What a waste. But no, what you are doing to your daughters is cruel, childish and selfish. I am sorry. I tell you this because I hope, I DO hope you will avoid the disaster. OUR CHILDREN ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN OUR LIFE. FUCK THE NARCS BUT FUCK ALL MEN AS FAR AS I AM CONCERNED---sorry for the capital letters....oh, helldweller, what a waste!!!!!

#7 Sep 17 - 12PM (Reply to #19)

ShaynasMommy

I'm just agreeing too,

I know its redundant but there is nothing on this planet more important than our children. Especially an ILLUSION. I know it hurts tremendously. I threw up for two days straight when I was finally hit with the truth. But I didn't have any children back then, so I could just go nuts all by myself if I wanted to. And sometimes it felt as if I were. Now that I'm a new mom.....I look into my daughter's face constantly and worry, just beacause I know there are a million things out there that I have to protect her from. I know you know as another mother, exactly how POWERFUL that feeling and that bond is. I would choose to die, if needed, to protect her life. And let me tell you that absolutely NO MAN, not even my husband will ever get in the way of that bond. And my husband is a good guy, I love him lots, but wether he knows this or not, if it came between her and him, he loses by default for sure. You need to convert all of your energy that you are wasting on this PSYCHO and his kin, and pour it all into your daughter's lives and hearts. Your 8 year old is desperatly crying out for you, Mom, don't lose this opportunity to show her she is important and worthy of your love, and being loved. Its already hard enough coming from a divorced home. Please get a grip, we are all worried about you and your little family. Please move soon, your survival depends on it!

#8 Sep 14 - 8PM (Reply to #17)

WellRed

I am worried for you too Helldweller

Better off and almostlydia - YOU ROCK. Please please listen to them Helldweller.

#9 Sep 14 - 8PM (Reply to #16)

Alive

Do not comply with him

Please do not call him about your children. He will come back with a 'kill'. He will blame YOU for your childrens behaviour. Its your fault, look at them etc etc look at what you have done to them. He will look, find and seek anything that he can to belittle you with. somthing happened to me today where the school thought my child was not ill??? uh but she was, but the child was fine today. NO i seen my child was ill but saying that she did NOT want to go to school today...OK lets have another look..Oh dear shit... yes she was verbally abused by her Nfather last week, came home at the weekend tired,all that homework, trying to keep apperances up,HELP MUM!. I am here my dear child.

#10 Sep 14 - 1PM (Reply to #14)

wholeagain

Darlin,

The fallout will stop eventually, but only after you go fully NC. It takes a while to all shake out, it certainly did for me, but at some point there's just nothing left they can do to touch you or your kids.

#11 Sep 14 - 11AM

gettinbetter

Is there any chance you

Is there any chance you could move away. I have had it with mine both ways round one lived a mile from me and we worked at the same place it was horrific! Round 2 lives in another city and I will say it is a little easier not having to see it for what you don't know or see can't hurt you. Oops now that re-read (can't see a thing on my bb) I see ur moving that will help a lot I think. There's soMething about having to see it day in and day out that sends you over the edge.

#12 Sep 14 - 10AM

wholeagain

Helldweller

When I see your posts I often think of this song (Pink Floyd, Outside the Wall): >>All alone, or in twos, The ones who really love you Walk up and down outside the wall. Some hand in hand And some gathered together in bands. The bleeding hearts and artists Make their stand. And when theyâ€™ve given you their all Some stagger and fall, after all itâ€™s not easy Banging your heart against some mad buggerâ€™s wall.

#13 Sep 17 - 12PM (Reply to #11)

ShaynasMommy

Your banging your heart against this mad bugger's wall over and

I dont know maybe I have to disagree with that statement. He may show that he doesnt care, but what she's is doing is absolutely top choice supply for a narc. And he doesnt have to lift a finger. She needs to stop giving him his oxygen. Starve the f**k!

#14 Sep 14 - 8PM (Reply to #2)

almostlydia

Got to agree, tough is

Got to agree, tough is necessary now. Consider this a freaking slap in the face. You know when it came down to my daughter and the N, guess what? No f*cking contest. That's what we Mothers do and its time for you to start doing it to. Get you priorities straight, girl. I don't care how f*cking heartbroken you think you are, it's time to put your sh*t aside and take care of the ones that need you the most and actually do care about you. This is your first priority. Stop teaching your daughters how to be doormats of the future, or worse. Cause that is exactly what is happening. Stop it now. Dig deep. almostlydia

almostlydia

#15 Sep 15 - 5AM (Reply to #3)

michele115 (not verified)

If I can chime in...

Listen to the ladies, I had a mother who suffers from I don't know what the fuck. That impacted me...she might be a narcissist but then again, she might be co-dependent with some other form of personality disorder. Wierd, she acts like a narc with me but was co-dependent with men?...Whatever the fuck. My entire childhood was nothing but drama, disruptive, abusive and fucking miserable. I saw scenes like this on a regular fucking basis. My father (ex heroin addict before birth and alcholic after methadone entered the picture) had the good sense to go looking for shit where he didn't need to, got shot and came home to say "goodbye" and died that night. Fast forward, today in a fucking fog, I began to analize every relationship I've had. I don't have a lot of mileage for my age, but out of the TEN or less men I have been with since my teens, I'm 42 now, with the exception of ONE - they've all been fucked up in some way. I can say that at least three were Narcissists and they were the last three back to back. If this is the picture you want for your daughter, if this is the PAIN you want for your daughter, keep doing what you're doing. Get help. I need help and I am trying my darndest. Right now, I am glued to this board. I threw him out the night I found out in order to AVOID that scene because I knew I was truly capable. I could have lifted the bed with the headboard and frame and bashed it upside his fucking narc head. I know rage. My last breakup had me so insane...another fucking narc, my son's father that I broke down a door, punched him in the face then slammed another door that fell off the hinges and tried to beat him with the door. I was two months pregnant. At that moment, I knew this is not gonna work...he got his walking papers. I've made it 42 years and this fucking shit has finally come to a head. I ain't dying or going down for anyone. This hurts like fucking hell but I will come out on top. Today he's a piece of shit, in time, he will cease to exist in my mind. I can't kill him physically, but I damn sure can do it mentally. Breathe, think and get some help. All the best.

#16 Sep 15 - 8AM (Reply to #8)

helldweller

I did stop

I was just talking about how I feel here. I didn't say anything to him about my daughter. And they did not see or hear anything for the last six months. Anything that happened happened when they weren't here, including the couch incident. It was gone for one day and I told them I threw it out because it was old. My daughter loved him and he acted like he loved her. It's not going away on her end, and she is going to see the school counselor once a week for self esteem. Anyway, I was just telling you guys I'm still angy and still hurt. I did stop. I'm sorry I asked him what he wanted to tell me the other day, but I did't say anything or pursue it after he basically said nothing. And I am in trauma counseling twice a week.

#17 Sep 17 - 10AM (Reply to #10)

better off

I apologize for assuming

I apologize for assuming some of the more dramatic scenes happened with them around... but I think we do tend to underestimate how much our children "get" and how confused they might be, even if they don't say anything to us. Be grateful. This man is NOT her father. He was just a man. And his feelings for her are irrelevant to who she is or what she deserves. And it doesn't sound like he really ever acted like he loved any of you that much. Some lip service, perhaps, but all your descriptions sound like it was always a one-sided relationship. The sooner they are away from you the better, for all of you. She will heal when you do.

#18 Sep 15 - 9AM (Reply to #9)

betty2020

Im sorry Heldweller but it

Im sorry Heldweller but it is over now. He no longer sees your daughter as a part of his life. This will not change and you must for the sake of your daughter move on and accept this. It may or may not be right what he has done but that is not the point anymore. The only thing that is important is that you take the steps necessary to make sure your daughter is protected and part of this is helping her accept the fact that he is no longer a part of her life. If she shes an over reaction from you with regards to the N and his behaviors, she is sure to follow suit. So you need to be very careful what you say and how you react in front of her. You could be adding to the injury. Kids are resilient and she will bounce back. You need to lead her in that direction. I think you have received some sound advice in this post and I hope you will listen. only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

#19 Sep 15 - 5AM (Reply to #4)

michele115 (not verified)

But to add insult to injury....

I've called at least five providers in my health plan. They are the dizziest, most unorganized, unprofessional dipshits around...anyone have any referrals for NYC...I posted somewhere else I am a thread away from going to Psych Emergency...I don't get how you can call these people repeatedly, in some cases leaving detailed messages, I am in crisis, yada yada yada and they call back days later. I can appreciate the advice to "call 911 if this is an emergency" on their voice mail but WTF? I mean, most truly insane people don't know they're that insane...this one lady, I tell her what I have in terms of insurance, she asks me to call my insurance company to verify, i verify and call her back leave a message...no response. I then call back and say I'm in crisis...no response. I get call back today, she says she's been calling the insurance provider...DUH did I not call you and tell you that I called and you've been with them since 2004???? AND this is someone that is supposed to help me with my mental health?....Am I crazy??? or is it the world around me? Has the earth been invaded with Narcs? I dunno. Maybe we should become narcs, then we won't feel anything.

#20 Sep 17 - 12PM (Reply to #7)

ShaynasMommy

michelle115

you could try a women's shelter maybe? Im thinking that they could have someone, ANYONE with some credentials you could talk to and there woulndt be a matter of insurance BECAUSE its a crisis situation and that's what they are there for, to help those in emergency situations. Just a thought.

#21 Sep 17 - 10AM (Reply to #5)

Used

michelle115

i got help tuesday from some services here, i hope you feel somewhat better today.

#22 Sep 17 - 3PM (Reply to #6)

MovinOnUp

Michelle115

A few years back I was frustrated about the same run around when I was trying to get my son help. When I finally got one place on the phone I asked what the Hell I was supposed to do in an emergency to get this so called help I pay huge premiums for... if I can't even get anyone to answer the phone. She said go to the ER. The domestic abuse shelter is an excellent idea. But if that doesn't work, go to the ER and tell them you are feeling suicidal. They'll straighted out the insurance aspect in the blink of an eye. Hope you get some help and feel better soon.

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