Fireflie

9 posts / 0 new

#1 Sep 12 - 12PM

desprathousewife

Fireflie

Didn't your N beat you with a belt? Mine punched me so hard in the face I thought it would explode. How can you think of going back to such a man EVER? I have started to miss my N, today in fact. Went shopping with a friend and so many little insignificant things reminded me of the good times we had together....BUT, I just remember that night 5 weeks ago, how scared I was and how scared I've been since and I get my act together (not that I HAVE got my act together) but I'm really trying to convince myself that I will be ok.

It crucifies me too that mine is back with his ugly old whore who lives around the corner, unlike yours mine is a serious threat to my wellbeing, she assaulted me the night I met him and hates me probably as much if not more than he does. I try to consol myself in the fact that they deserve each other and as long as they don't inflict any harm on me and my family then they are welcome to a life of misery together.

Sorry, I know I haven't spoken to you or anyone here properly before, I've been too busy reading up on all this, protecting my home and family while we await the trial and don't feel I have any good advice to give here yet.

I hope you don't mind the intrusion, and if you or anyone else has some advise for me I would be very grateful, my friends and family think I'm overestimating his capabilites, but I think back to that night and the pure evil I was in the presence of and I know in my gut that I'm not :(

#2 Sep 12 - 1PM

Klarity Belle

Cognitive Dissonance

Have you read anything about this? It is the way our brains store memories, happy memories are 'filed' in a more accessable place and traumatic memories are stored in the more primal part of the brain - the two different types of 'feeling memories' do not sit well together. I found it very hard to deal with my anger for my mother's emotional neglect because I loved her too and knew she had done good things for me as well - she died when I was 22 and I am now 45 and only now fully working through the trauma of the emotional problems we had. Humans are good at 'splitting' off the bad as a kind of defense mechanism -this is most likely why good memories of him are seeping in. Keep reminding yourself of what he had done and is really capable of. Npd's are good a hypnotising us too with all the crazy making stuff they do to keep us on their toxic hook. You are off that hook now, and as you heal further these kind of memory invasions should reduce. Well done for getting out, so sorry you have been through this. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "The deeper that sadness carves into your being, the more joy you can contain." ~ Kahlil Gibran "That which we do not confront in ourselves we meet as fate" ~ Carl Jung http://www.storyofmylife.com/KLARITY4

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"The deeper that sadness carves into your being, the more joy you can contain." ~ Kahlil Gibran

"That which we do not confront in ourselves we meet as fate" ~ Carl Jung

http://www.storyofmylife.com/KLARITY4

#3 Sep 12 - 12PM

kiwi10

hi honey

i think it's horrible that your family would dicount your fears for him. they shoudl be protecting you. are you married? my divorce just got finalized. yes, he beat me with a belt, cheated on me, mentally tortured me, then abandoned me. i'm so sorry he hit you, you didn't deserve that. what a piece of shit. just to clarify, i dont WANT to go back to him at all. it's a complicated situation getting over a psychopath, and my subconcious is still catching up to my concious i think. i'm not a psychologist, though, i just play one on tv. seriously, though, i think you are on the right track. do you have kids?

#4 Sep 12 - 1PM (Reply to #2)

desprathousewife

Thanks fierflie...sorry I

Thanks fierflie...sorry I spelt your name wrong and that I was under the impression you wanted him back, I guess deep down maybe I want mine back even though he has done what he has to me. I still don't think I've quite got my head around all this. I WAS married, not to the narc tho, that was an 18 year marriage to a guy that turned into a gambler and alcoholic who I left 5 years ago. Luckily I never married the N, was with him for 18 months and thought (in the early days) that I'd found true love at last. I have four children from my marriage, two have left home and two are still with me. My daughter hated my N, I just thought it was jealousy, but I should have trusted her judgement. I agree, this is the hardest relationship I've ever had to get over. I'm not sure I'm on the right track, I struggle to do the day to day chores, am obsessing about locking doors and windows, watching my back where ever I go. I feel like a caged animal waiting its execution. Then I keep breaking down and asking WHY ME? I did everything in my relationship to make it the best I could and nothing I ever did was good enough, I'm hoping what you say is right and I'm on the right track? I'm so envious of you being in America and the awareness there seems to be regarding narcissism over there. I mention the word here and I may as well be talking a foreign language, I feel so alone and helpless.

#5 Sep 12 - 1PM (Reply to #3)

kiwi10

what country are you in? i

what country are you in? i think you are only 5 weeks out, right? at five weeks out i was a complete and total mess. i would have cut off my left tit to have him pat me on the head and say i was a good girl. nothing NOTHING is ever good enough for them. my friend said, "to him, the bird in hand is always a pigeon". i have been seperated for 6 months form my X, and I still have problems. from what i understand from coming here and therapy, it's the deep, deep brainwashing that does it. mine still does it to me with a flip of his wrist. i don;t have to work right now, because he is supporting me due to my blackmailing him about the abuse. i have pictures. i guess that's why he feels entitled to abuse me still and demand things of me. id your n harassing you or had he done a D&D?

#6 Sep 12 - 1PM (Reply to #4)

desprathousewife

I'm in England

I'm in England and yep, only 5 weeks NC. Although I had left him before on numerous occasions cos of his weird crazy behavior, but he always came hoovering me back after a few days or a week or 2. I think that frustrated him because I was always so strong after one of his ridiculous outbursts and I think he was used to his previous girlfriends begging for him back even though they had done nothing wrong. I'm not sure just how much I have been brainwashed but I think I frustrated him as I wasn't playing the game he was used to. I know the girl he was with before me would be treated to total humiliation in public, but there is no way I would have put up with that. I have pictures of my injuries too, mine were taken by the police and they are the ones pressing charges as he resisted arrest, so I feel helpless as to the outcome. He is going to get punished, I have to give evidence and he tried to hoover me back in last week with phone calls, texts and a set of photographs he sent to me through the post of our HAPPY times together, but I had to inform the police of any form of contact, begged them not to arrest him as I felt safe when he thought he could manipulate me. Unfortunately they now hate him, especially the ones that tried to arrest him, they saw how deranged he was, and arrested him anyway. He is back out now but I know he will be raging inside and his rage is vented toward me. I was in a no win situation, tell the police or with hold evidence and make my testimony worthless.

#7 Sep 12 - 1PM (Reply to #5)

kiwi10

prosecute the hell out of him

#8 Sep 12 - 1PM (Reply to #6)

desprathousewife

PMSL

I've taken that to have 2 different meanings...I will be giving evidence and telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.... but I wish I could prosecute the HELL out of him, then the world would be one demon less :0 Thanks that really cheered me up xxx

#9 Sep 12 - 1PM (Reply to #7)

kiwi10

youre doing the right thing

he'll think twice about punching another woman, that piece of shit

Path Forward Buy Now Reviews
All About Her Buy Now Reviews
All About Him Buy Now Reviews