1. Home
  2. Forums
  3. Narcissist Forums
  4. The Path Forward Forum
  5. update

update

7 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Sep 8 - 3PM
helldweller
helldweller's picture

update

I just got back from seeing my new therapist. She is a women's truama counselor and it was so wonderful. I kept saying "I am so ashamed to even admit how I acted, what I accepted." She was so understanding, even said she felt I was a lot more of a fighter than many other women she had seen over the years She knew everything he was doing, all that was at the heart of it, and said she believed the entire family of brothers is the same, and that they ALL crave the drama-that's why I couldnt' get them to help me, that I didn't have a snowball's chance in Hell that they would everf try to make it stop. I have never thought of them all being in on it before; I have thought that they just live in their own world, but I had never considered that the n's brothers actively seek drama as well. When she said that I remembered two things:

1)He told me way in the beginning that there had been a SWAT team at his younger brother's wedding because his ex girlfriend had been stalking him. I have wondered if this was because he never actually broke up with her before getting engaged to soemone else. I bet that's why.

2) he told me that his older brother had himself airlifted from a cruise he was on with his old girlfriend because he couldn't stand to be away from the new woman he had met. He just told his old girlfriend of ten years: "I can't stay on this boat" and went home and moved in withthe woman, twenty years younger (Note: the's still sleeping with the one he left on the boat!)

Now, school started yesterday and the narc and I now pick up our kids on the same side of the school. I walked onto the playground yesterday and there he was, surrounded by single moms, but none of them seemed the slightest bit interested in him. I walked near him and you could see he almost had a heart attack thinking I was going to talk to him and blow his "single selfless dad" cover LOL. Now I know what he was doing every day on the other side of the school last year. I figured, but to see it was interesting.

Sep 8 - 10PM
helldweller
helldweller's picture

He called me and

I didn't answer; let it go to voice mail. I am sharing this not because it really bothers me but to share the insanity of their thinking for other members. First of all, he hasn't called me in about six months. He only texts. We live thirty feet away from each other and he is 52 years old. The main jist of his voicemai was that I "wasn't there for him." The number one example was this: In October of last year (keeping in mind that I am the author of five books about Chicago's haunted history and the owner of a ghost tour company in Chicago with thousands of visitors each year, dozens of lcetures, tv and radio shows, etc, and have little time to even care for my children let alone deal with life), the narc's friend was getting married. The narc, being a judge, was invited to perform the ceremony (a joke in and of itself as he abhors and mocks the institution). We were scheduled to go together. keep in mind, too, that I am at the time PREGNANT with the narc's baby-a fact which he has not yet decided to recognize, even refusing to look at the pregnancy test results. So I am completely overwhelmed with running my business and professional stuff and taking care of my kids, AND I AM PREGNANT and on the day of the wedding the narc asks me to watch his foster child so he can install the light fixtures in the house he is building for us. The child comes over and I turn off the reservation line and the computer and basically reject any reservations so I can sit and play with his child, teaching him Italian words (the narc is Italian) and coloring and reading with him. For two hours, as we play, the child WILL NOT STOP TALKING ABOUT their visit the past summer to the narc's paramour in California, behind my back. I'm sitting, listening, trying to change the subject, etc. and after two hours I calmly walk him back to the narc and say, "I can't take care of him anymmore right now." So I go home and get ready for the wedding, with completel morning sickness, and I hire a sitter to watch my children, and I am standing, pregnant, in the street, waiting to go to the wedding, and the narc comes out of his house with his little brother and the foster child and they get into the car and drive away. He does not answer my phone or texts the entire night. He never speaks about it again. So tonight, he calls me and says, "You cancelled our plans all the time (never). You didn't show up for Kelly and Dean's wedding. You can't be counted on for anything. I tried so hard to please you and take care of you and you just couldn't do the least thing to get along"
Sep 8 - 11PM (Reply to #6)
kiwi10
kiwi10's picture

a judge

well thats not surprising, i guess he was a lawyer before that. just like my X
Sep 8 - 10PM (Reply to #4)
lisalisa47
lisalisa47's picture

Hey girl...

Isn't it funny how they HOLD on to "slights" by you that that actually created, yet, when YOU have a legitmate beef they don't speak of it...or just drive off...All these stories are really starting to open my mind to the hell i was dwelling in, thanks for sharing. What a dweeb.... Congrats on your books by the way. PS - ARE ALL of us here writers? I have a few blogs and write songs...and i've noticed that many of the comments i read allude to the fact that most of you write, as well. I wonder if there's a connection? Then there's Lisa E who started this great community. ...uncanny

LML

Sep 8 - 11PM (Reply to #5)
helldweller
helldweller's picture

lisalisa

We all seem to be creative in the extreme, insightful and emotionally open in the extreme. Just as the asses should have a brand on their forehead we should be banned by law from associating with them LOL
Sep 8 - 5PM
MovinOnUp
MovinOnUp's picture

Helldweller

All I can say is Thank God you didn't wind up part of that family!!! I'm really happy to hear you found a therapist that gets it and understands the dynamics. I can't help but wonder how much different the last twelve years of my life might have been if I had hit the right therapist the first time around. It's huge that you saw the N and it didn't seem to rattle your cage like it might have not too long ago. I'm probably close to being old enough to be your mother, so I hope you'll fogive me if it's bad form to say... I'm really proud of you.
Sep 8 - 6PM (Reply to #2)
hitandrun
hitandrun's picture

Yippee helldweller!

I am so happy for you helldweller. As they say, "the worm is turning." Your life is gravitating away from his sorry ass and back to focusing on your wonderful self. Definite cause for celebration!!!!