Separate section for venting

This forum has validated my experience completley, has offered me answers and understanding as to what I had been through by my reading through the many posts and "venting" of other members where otherwise I would truly have never understood what happened to me. I needed to be validate. I needed to be understood. I needed to "vent." I at one time was a new member here and my experince on this forum has helped me immensley. I am now 3 months NC yet in the beginning and prior to NC I took him back A MILLION times and had a MILLION stories to tell and a MILLION reasons why I needed validation. I was for a long time stuck in his grip and fully enmeshed in the Stockholm Effect. In the beginning I only read the stories/posts on the forum and then finally joined. The forum ultimatley did help me to move forward. The validation through members "storytelling" and "venting" allowed me to see that I was not crazy, that I was not "losing it" and that I was in fact being abused. I was where I was with no judgement against myself or to anyone here who is currently stuck in the same pattern. I found a place to "vent" and manage now to be 3 months NC. I support everyone on the board in whatever phase of recovery he or she is in. Life has a way of moving us all forward towards recovery whether we go willingly or not. I think it would be dangerous to compartmentalize this very necessary recovery process into the "venting" section and the "recovery" section. Venting is a a part of recovery. Story telling is a part of recovery. Validation is a part of recovery. NC is a part of recovery. Moving on is a part of recovery. And all facets of recovery are represented on this forum. We all move in recovery at a different pace and in a different way. And it is not a linear process. Sometimes I still need to vent and sometimes I just want to pick up the phone and hear his voice and sometimes I am glad to be moving on. If I start to read a post that does not jive with where I am at in my recovery process I simply stop reading it and click to a different post. This should serve as a safe haven for all members regardless of where he/she is at in recovery and where members further along in recovery can serve to help others see "the light." Many of us have been day 1 NC where venting and validation brought us forward to day 2 NC. I have learned a lot from my day 1 NC "venters" and hope now to help others see what 3 months NC has to offer. I say "vent away", "validate away", "NC away" and "move on away"...and "post away" at whatever phase of recovery you happen to be in. Healing will come, moving on will happen, one non-linear phase at a time. I happen to be a licensed counselor and for what it is worth that is my opinion:) Happy recovering!

"We can relate to one another on a level no one else can. As such, we have come together to support one another, listen and give advice from our own experience" Hope that you are doing ok all,maybe peeps at different stages of this journey need different types of support. amberleaf

As a relative newcomer I wanted to comment on this post. In many cases, finally having a safe place to vent is a gift for those whose families and friend do not understand about dealing with a N or are tired of hearing about it or they just have no one to share it with. It is a safe place to express one's despair, fear, frustration, and the general pain that goes along with the process. It is also a place to find resources to help take steps towards a better life. For many on this board (including myself) the option to go completely NC is not an option because we have children with the N or work with them. The option to "get away from them" would be a welcome gift many are not afforded. Keeping the drama at bay in these circumstances is quite challenging. No one is in exactly the same place on this board. In some cases when we read posts, we are looking at where we came from and in other cases where we need to go. All are valid. It is a process. Recovery is a process, and for some venting is part of that process. In some cases, it may be the only place where they truly feel they have a voice. To be perfectly honest and as an example, I did not even know what N was until 3 weeks ago so the learning curve is huge. It takes time to assimilate information and have the courage to take the steps necessary to heal. Regarding the topic of venting in many cases it keeps one from sending a text, from calling, from engaging with the N or really just helps a person in serious pain make it through the minute, the hour or the day. Some are still in the trenches of this on a day to day basis, others are farther down the road. Sharing of stories or just one's day does help because it many times validation that we are not alone, the same thing has happened to another, or recognition that "that was said (or done) to me" and we can help one another towards a healthier way of living. It takes time, and you never know when one will find the strength it takes to change things, or what bit of information will make the difference or how long this process is going to take. Personally, I identify with some posts and not others. If I don't identify with it, I don't comment and move on. It is a personal choice to read, engage, participate in posts. As for truly wanting to change our lives, I think anyone who has even found this board wants to change their life, they are seeking. It may just be more challenging for some than others. We need to remember we are not standing in each others shoes. Mostly what I feel when I read this board is empathy (even if I don't identify with the post or story). I feel empathy for all. Recovery and healing is a mountain to climb and it is a steep one. This is not a path I would of ever chosen. I wish blessings and peace to all on this board. I hope all of you who are here find some of the comfort, safety, support and wisdom you seek.

, goldie this isn't like you sweetheart I hope you are ok and not suffering in silence ..big love x , let's be careful to be understanding , the venting is an important stage ,so much better to let it out here than to the narc , the shocking storys of the narc abuse are so similar that it really helps to clarify to compare notes with each other , when the abuse is so insidious as a narcs can be sometimes its difficult to even recognise as abuse ,that's where venting helps "wate a mimute he said that to me too ,I blamed myself but it is abuse ! "..we will all heal from this however we go about it .x x x

Goldie - I understand where you're coming from. I think it's all about personal dignity. As hard as it is to break free from the N's spell, this has to be about each of us regaining our dignity. And everyone goes about doing that in a different way. The best revenge that we can each have is to live our lives as dignified as we can irrespective of the Ns and their melodramas. And it's not really revenge because that implies that it's to get back at them. It's for us, not for them.

I'm lucky to be a ways down the road, but I remember well what it was like to be deeply hurt, confused, scared and in the middle of the WTF that is dealing daily with a Narc (and not even knowing that's what I was dealing with). I didn't start posting here until I was well into NC, and even then it helped me to vent to others who really get what I was going through. It is frustrating to see wonderful people in hurt and confusion, but I was there too--I stayed in it for almost 20 years and if I'd been posting the whole time I'm sure I would have exasperated everyone. We get frustrated because we know there's a brighter future if they could only see it. All we can do is help them in that process however long that takes. Sometimes it's listening, sometimes it's validating that a person is in fact not crazy, sometimes it's tough love, which I think we do very well here. I still learn from each post in one way or another. The "acute care/emergency room" posts require our best empathy and advice, the "chronic" cases help me remember patience, where I don't want to return and also help me remember the serenity prayer (I can't change their thoughts no matter how much I'd like to lol), the "recovery room" posts are incredibly uplifting. Since being here I've seen my own recovery move forward yet more and faster. I made a decision just this week to post less on my own past story and more on trying to help others get to a better place, because I'm ready for that and realize that more venting at this point is useless. In a general way I can share my experiences but no more ragging on the ex needed. If there's a post I feel I can't contribute to, I'm free to move past it. There's no other place like this that I know of, this supportive and open and allowing us to be who we are, and the more acceptance we can provide the safer members may feel to gain strength to make changes. Trying to categorize venting from the rest of it would prove difficult I think.

some of your language and attitude in this post is a little rude i think. its great that you've been able to move on and had the strength to go NC from your narc. it isnt that easy for everyone. we have people in a million different stages of recovery - from those who have been NC for years and are here to support others, to those just discovering what a narc is, stuck in an abusive situation, with children to worry about, looking for answers. there are those who have been deeply damaged by the narcs behavior. there are those who cannot go fully nc due to child custody issues and work. you should know perfectly well, as a victim of a narc yourself, that it isnt always so easy. venting is therapeutic for some people. some people want answers. this board is for support.. not berating and accusing people of "wasting your time" because they arent at the same stage of recovery as you. the fact that they had the strength to come here in the first place is important. if you dislike the content of a post, you're free to move to the next one.. if you'd rather not read first-hand accounts and peoples stories and day to day struggles, there are plenty of articles in the sidebar instead.

I am new to this site, and posted my story for advice on whether a man with whom I had a relatively brief (5 month) long distance relationship with was narcissistic. I got some good feedback and much of it included the personal experiences of those who answered. I didn't categorize it as "venting" but I believe that for those who replied to my story - and who regularly post on this site - recounting a personal story is very cathartic. As a newbie, I find it helpful as well. Yes, I skip over the pity party stories and try to sift out the ones I can relate to. For those of us who are only now figuring things out, venting is healthy as long as it is short-lived, and treated as a release to bring some relief so that we can all move on to a better place.

I'm with you Goldie. I understand the need to vent and want answers for what the Narcs are doing but not on a daily basis. I could come on here and vent with all the shit mine pulled on me but I don't think it would help me heal. I think it would keep me caught in the past with him. I come here for understanding of the way they think and how I was treated and how to get past those feelings so I can move forward and become the smart strong woman I once was. As was said on another post...he was a part of my past and the scars will always be there but I have chosen to not have him as a part of my future.