cog diss is back please help

22 posts / 0 new

#1 Aug 23 - 3AM

Scoop

cog diss is back please help

Eww , I got to my boat yesterday and there was a pile of my clothes sitting in the bedroom , my narc was part of the party went out on the boat the night before(I was doing a stall at the local pride fair so coulnt go )it got me thinking , my narc seemed to be doing seemingly kind things ie he asked if there was anything he could do for me for the boat by email with the "much love" comment and now the return of some clothes (note the computer wasn't there which be still has and has been the only thing I have asked for back )I have had 3 months of silence from him and now two acts of kindness hmmmm . I admit the cognative diss is back and I am see sawing , swinging back and forth between he is good and he is bad , I am scared to bump into him but I can't go through life worrying where he might turn up , I need a narc translation here , he is seeing someone else ,I'm sure she dosnt know about his offer of help on the boat , the bringing back my things sent a hurtful message to me it was like he was re enforcing the d and d like saying "we are still over look here are a few more of you're things to prove it ..dig dig dig " ...to bring my things back was not an act of kindness , I hadn't asked for them , was it his way of telling me he had been there , was he expecting to see me ? Ahhhgggggg my head is all over the place this morning , what dose he want ? He did this kind of thing before when we first split up he would hover just under the radar and it makes me very uneasy . Any narc speek exsperts want to help me center I would be greatful x x

#2 Aug 26 - 4AM

Scoop

Here's yet another email I

Here's yet another email I got yesterday .."I could come to the boat on monday , I don't mind working for free just give me food and booze and money , or just food and booze on the days I work ..." ....note that he said he would work for free for money lol ..just this short note reminds me of all the double meanings in his speach ,it reminds me of all the times I had to ask "what do you mean you have just contraditced you're self" nothing was ever straight foward with this narc and I wonder if he realy knew he was contradicting himself ? Don't worry he isn't coming anywhere near my boat but it dose bring up some old questions on all the double speak , it was the double speak that first alerted me to his condition of being a narc .

#3 Aug 26 - 9AM (Reply to #21)

naivenomore

Double Speak

God, it's too bad you couldn't just hire some really buffed young lad to work on your boat in the open where the N could see him! I well remember the double speak and then when you have to ask for clarification, cause it's so f&*^g vague and twisted, they make you feel like your stupid! I hate that this guy is pulling your chain, Scoop. Please be strong against this, you are worth way, way more!

#4 Aug 26 - 2AM

ACgirl

I think the game is to

I think the game is to "test" you to see if you will bite. My N just did that to me at the beginning of July and I bought it, unfortunately and broke NC. I think, to translate Narc speak, I think they try to keep up some contact just in case. They have such arrogance, it's like they feel cool just throwing us bones to see if we will fetch them. That is why they are so f'ing arrogant. They throw us these little bones because they know how much we hurt and they think....oh yeah, she will bite. I must tell you I understand the cog dis. It goes on with me big time. Its a struggle for sure. And I still cry. But I am trying to look at it calmly like getting off a drug. Have you ever seen the movie "Tropic Thunder"? Well, the actor Jack Black is trying to get off of drugs. It's funny, but you see his struggle. He becomes delusional and says to a bull..."I'm going to bite your hide and where you stomach skin like a uni-tard". You see, it makes no sense, but he is getting off drugs. You must just recognize it hurts, and resist. He is testing you. He is selfish. He doesn't care about you. If he did, he wouldn't act that way. He is not a real man. You deserve a real man and you will find it. You are an awesome woman. We need to stay away from these poison men. If you keep strong, he will crumble. But what goes on with him doesn't matter. It's you who is the important one. Be good to yourself. xoxo

#5 Aug 23 - 10PM

almostlydia

I'm sorry for the confusion

I'm sorry for the confusion and anguish. This is what I am beginning to understand of late, any contact even 'by proxy' is damaging. You know the truth, it will come back to you tomorrow and you will be stronger. This IS your property. Remove those that would be toxic to your life or set the boundaries with those you can't remove. He is off limits to you and your life (boat). You don't have to explain anymore than this. Stay strong. almostlydia

almostlydia

#6 Aug 23 - 1PM

Scoop

I brought the boat to live

I brought the boat to live on which I will be doing from next month , my friend is just staying there for a couple of weeks learning how everything works then he is inparting that to me . I did get another email from my narc saying he will fix the computer for me , that was today he also said again he will do the wood work on the boat . Sigh .. He is still with his girlfreind as my friend spoke to her friend and they where together last friday ... She also warned her friend to tell her to be carfull as he is violent and treated me so badly so at least that message will get back to her which as it didn't directly come from me is a good thing , it was bugging me that she had no idea what she is letting her self in for ... But why then is he being so groverling to me ..supply ? Yes I know but I smell a rat and I can't put my finger on it .oh I have had such a bad day all I want to do is talk about the narc and the situation , its stiring up such rage in me I nearly lost it in the supermarket again . I have been dealing quite well with the fact he has a new girlfriend but now its all in my face again . Does he want to be friends ? Well that's a laugh as all he dose is stare at my breasts when I see him . This man is a car crash .

#7 Aug 23 - 3PM (Reply to #17)

Used

scoop

wether or not that message gets thru to gf, is not your problem, at the moment ,you have the problem, your having a bad time cos this pratt has infiltrated, your boat and your life again. if he can do with a couple of emails, what can he do in real life, you know what he can do scoop, you are on a downer,to even say you dont think he is a psycopath and is he feeling the guilt, he feels no guilt he is what you thought he was ,please get out of this way of thinking. i bet his gf would be well pleased with his offers to do the boat and your computer, scoop this is the man who stood in a pub with you, and humilated you in front of his mates, by saying i had my finger up scoops a,,e this morning .oh please, he is a conniving scumbag, and dont you fall for it, see how fucking, brazen he is i will help with boat, computer, your stuff, you are renting your boat out for a small amount, so the tenant can show you the ropes, big favor, you can do that yourself dont lose yourself again, dont forget all the things he done,and as for him beign on the boat going thru your things, well put it this way i wouldnt be ok about that at all or his freind who let him. very cosy.NOTxxxxx

#8 Aug 23 - 2PM (Reply to #16)

ShaynasMommy

Scoop

So, If I understand that the pattern is pretty universal, when he D&D's you, the MO is to say that you are an evil bitch (more or less the same for all of us) and that they are glad to get away from you, happy to found the new GF, blah blah blah. for a normal guy, that would mean they don't want to have anyting to do with you, so you wouldn't be getting these offers of kindness. But to a Narc, its his way of keeping the foot in the door. don't be fooled, scoop. Only you know him best, though, so listen to your gut on this one. its trying to protect you!

#9 Aug 23 - 2PM (Reply to #15)

ShaynasMommy

Scoop

#10 Aug 23 - 2PM (Reply to #14)

Scoop

I have had a new thought ,

I have had a new thought , maybe just maybe he feels guilty for treating me so badly , maybe he isn't a psycopath , maybe he has found true love with the ow and he know knows he treated me horrendusly , I know that's a load of bollocks but I can't stop my head thinking this , what's bloodly wrong with me today I can focus on one thought

#11 Aug 23 - 12PM

Amy

Not good....

He is as rotten as he always was. He is not being kind, he is trying to worm his way into your life. It isn't as if he wants you back, he just can't stand that you have been trying to move on. Why do you think he gave you clothes but not your computer??? He did it on purpose so he can "hold on" to a little bit. It gives you a reason to have to communicate with him. Even if you are renting out the boat, you have the right to tell your renter that the N cannot be there. Everyone knows he is an ex, there is no explanation needed.

#12 Aug 23 - 1PM (Reply to #12)

ShaynasMommy

RE: not good...

Its just another way to start the drama back up. They love drama, especially when you have made it clear that you are done. My ExN withheld the cable box from me after I had cancelled the service when I moved out. Everything was in my name, surprise, surprise, because he sould never do anything for himself. Anyways, I had to ask his supervisor at work to tell him to give it back to me somehow because the cable company was going to charge me for it if I didn't return it. Its not like he was going to set up service for himself so what the F did he need to hang on to it for? I was ok with him leaving it on his doorstep so I could just grab it afterwork, but NOOOOO, he had to leave it at a mutual friends house, with a personal note for me. That way he could get her sympathy with some tears b/cause I was NC on him and he didnt think that was "fair." I left the note and took the box, didnt even read it. SM 1, Narc 0. Its an attempt at drama, and a shot of supply. Nothing more. It will never be anything more from now on. Being his ex, you will need to realize this and expect it.

#13 Aug 23 - 12PM (Reply to #10)

Used

amy

well done amy, tho i have posted about this once, ime going to say, so you are renting to someone, its still your boat, and you are allowed to lay down ground rules, letting agents do, councils do, landlords do so should you, ime still not happy with your freind, just saying his girlfreind, and freind ,i believe he knew you wouldnt like it and had the narc been going thru your bloody things, while they watched. f..king charming. hope you dont mind me asking, but did you by the boat to rent out, and i dont know why but i get the feeling someone is taking liberties withh you . i hope i am wrong.

#14 Aug 23 - 1PM (Reply to #11)

Amy

Too nice....

I think Scoop is an overly nice person. Remember this is part of why N's pick us. i know I have been described that way repeatedly. That's why I have been walked on many many times. At 36 I am just now learning to stand up for myself.

#15 Aug 23 - 12PM

janine

Do not fall for it

You are not seriously asking here "what does he want?", are you? Because you know quite well, dear Scoop, what that is: Supply, as before, as usual, as ever and ever. My ex rang me a fortnight after I had left him, because he had managed to find a few old rugs of mine (when I had painstakinly removed everything there)and was asking me, should he bring them. I smelt a rat and told him to throw them away. Quite by chance his neighbour told me that the very next day he had seen him near a certain place where certain women provide special services. Just as I'd figured. it would have been cheaper to try and use me instead. Whether it's the same with yours or he'd like some variety or your special TLC, it DOES NOT MATTER. Because you will stop worrying, focus on yourself and do something you enjoy for now, okay?

#16 Aug 23 - 9AM

naivenomore

Stay stong!

Please don't trust that the N is trying to be nice in any way - it's too late for that, considering what he's already put you through. Scoop, no wonder you are feeling confused, you are trying to figure out the twisted mind of a NARC! Honestly, when I read you message, the very first thing that popped into my head was a guy rummaging through a woman's panty drawer - honestly, it's a boundary violation what he's done. I would make it clear to anyone else that you rent the boat to that _______ is not allowed on your boat and if he should appear, the cops will be called - you have the right to decide who's on your property and who's not, it's called trespassing, and is a criminal offence, no? Scoop, you have come SO far and I have gained so much strength from reading your advice on this Board - you have it in you, I KNOW you do! Please don't succumb to this fool. You are worth SO much more! Love Chickadee

#17 Aug 23 - 7AM

tica

Clearly this Narc

ia playing more mind games with you...HE KNEW how you would feel after he enjoys a party on your boat and then disses you with your belongings,,,ahhh they make me sick!!! IGNORE, IGNORE quit giving away your menatal energy as well...he knows when that is happening too...they have psychic chords and know how to usr them...he's tesitng the waters on you....GO DEEP get away from him...enjoy your day, get fresh air, get with a friend, stay on here, whatever...he is DONE!!! peace and light~

#18 Aug 23 - 6AM

Used

scoop

dear scoop, i hope this doesnt offend you, but what the hell is the narc doing on your property, i know you said a friend,and his girlfriend,and someone else, but are you saying your friend, invited the narc to go on your boat, where were you then, scoop i think you are too kind i realy do, a while back, my best friend saw the n,she aknowledged him[ i am no longer freinds with her since] but my point is i had been 10mnths nc with the n, but b/c she aknowledge him, i said to her ,thanks a bloody lot, cos you spoke to him, he will now think i will again,2days later back he came, and i said f;;k off, and he said ,well name said hi, so i thought you would again. so even if your "friends" say hi, to the n that means contact is ok again, and as for returning your stuff thats to get in again, please scoop dont fall for it. i realy would be very put out if one of my friends done this too me. to him you were ok with him beign on your boat ,cos you didnt say to anyone, dont invite him. oh scoop please pleas dont get sucked in, you are doing so well.xxx

#19 Aug 23 - 3AM

Scoop

Could I just add that the

Could I just add that the person who had the party on the boat is a mutural friend , I dint know narc was going on the boat my friend told me it was his girlfriend and his friend and his wife over from india .

#20 Aug 23 - 7AM (Reply to #2)

Scoop

The friend who is staying on

The friend who is staying on the boat is paying me rent , not much but its still an agreement so I can't really tell him who he can have on the boat , my friend dosnt know the full stroy with the narc as I don't tell everyone we are a very tight knit group , I blame the narc as he must have asked my friend to come to the party . Is my narc hovering is the question I'm too fogged to think straight today x

#21 Aug 24 - 6PM (Reply to #4)

time_to_move_on

you know...

yourself that it's not good to have the narc on that boat. If your friend is associating with them, disassociate yourself. That's not being over the top, this is about you. If someone is trusted with your boat put things in place. Your ex doesn't have a guilty conscience, you know the score, they are probably past the honeymoon phase with their partner and are sounding you out. Jog on, it's not worth it, especially what you've said about them in the past. Judge their actions, the way they acted before (and look at the "non-action" of your PC being returned). Keep it up, you can do this.

#22 Aug 23 - 7AM (Reply to #3)

Used

scoop

dear scoop, i can tell you feel low, and ok you are renting your boat out, your friend might not know the full story but they still know he is your ex,and an arsehole, i admit i laid down bounderies ,when i finished with n, i didnt want him mentioned, and didnt expect my friend or family to talk to him, at the end of the day, loyalty is the name of the game to me. i have done this for my freinds and i expect the same thing. i gave up a lot of my boundreies for exh and n, they didnt give up any for me!, so know i expect respect, and your n, has shown you none buy even biegn on the boat, knowing you wouldnt like it, he,s been on a high since, f..cking arsehole. as my n was when my now ex freind spoke to him. i would rather have no freinds and noone at all, that have friends who dont even respect my pain, they may not know he is a narc, they still know he is an ex.

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