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My breakthrough tonight

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#1 Aug 20 - 9PM
OriginalMe
OriginalMe's picture

My breakthrough tonight

So I went and played volleyball tonight, knowing that he would be there since that is what we did when we met. I was scheduled to play from 7-9 and he was scheduled to play from 9-11. Low and behold he shows up at 7:00. I know that he was watching me play, and we walked past each other several time and did not even acknowledge each other. Total NC the whole time.

I felt really good. Of course when I first saw him there two hours early I became a little suspect, and of course a slight rapid heart beat, but NO OTHER FEELINGS!

I am proud of myself for being able to get back to the sport that I love playing without fear of him. He seemed much more social with everyone on the courts than he usually is, which I know is not his default comfort zone.

I made a committeemen to myself this week that I would NO LONGER stand in his bucket of shit and complain about the smell. I took my life back this week, after 6 weeks of NC and 8 weeks after the break-up.

Aug 21 - 12PM
faithinthefuture
faithinthefuture's picture

I pray

I pray if I ever see my xN I will be as strong as you are and will have no feelings. I will definitely think of him in his bucket of shit!I laughed my ass off when I read that! Mine lives 600 miles away and I'm going to his home state in Oct to visit my daughter and friends. I am going to avoid going anywhere he might be. I have NO desire to talk to him or be with him. Like you I will NEVER believe a word that comes out of his mouth! If he told me it was going to be a sunny day I'd check the weather channel.But I'm very afraid of the feelings that may come if I do see him. I want to be able to look past him and through him as if he doesn't even exist. I'm very curious to see if he'll make it a point to be where I am. I do want him to see me and see that he means nothing to me and I'm getting my old self back. That strong happy carefree woman he took away. And I want him to see that he will never have me in his life ever again. You're an inspiration. Thank You God Bless
Aug 21 - 10AM
OriginalMe
OriginalMe's picture

Time tells right?

Well I did not know how I was going to feel this morning about it, but I woke up with it on my mind for a split second, because it was me trying to humanize him and try to figure out why someone who ever professed to "love" someone, how they would ignore their existence. But again, that was only for a split a moment, because then the aroma of the shit hit me. LOL. I spoke to s friend this morning, who has been in this type of relationship before; and she told me that just as I know him and saw that his behavior was odd, he is looking at me to see the same thing. And when he sees that I am truly beyond him and authentically me, that is when he will "test the waters." I will NEVER hear anything that he tells me and believe it. I am content just walking by each other like we do not know him. But now I guess I get to keep in the back of my mind, what is his next move. But that does not delay me from moving on.

"Be who you are, and say what you feel; for those who mind don't matter, and those that matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss

Aug 21 - 8AM
Goldie
Goldie's picture

You Inspire me Brad

Wow, a big WOW!! I love this story. This guy hurt you and you totally acknowledged this and felt your feelings and then you're like f this, I want my life and my passions back and you marched right in there and seized the moment and took control of your own destiny!!! I love the bucket of shit analogy. I can picture it so clearly as to what my life was over this past year. I had the Narc from hell and if we decide we want to make a poster for our new groups, I motion that mine be the poster child for bad boy behavior. His entitlement knew NO BOUNDS. I am healing to some extent but now that I have this bucket of shit visual I will picture him in a big vat of shit when he comes to mind from now on and trust me it helps far more than picturing any other part of his anatomy. LOL. Good for you Brad, I am so happy that you did not give up your sport. You deseve this, you worked for it and no one can take those kinds of things away from you. Just don't get sucked back in because they are so good at their craft. Keep your guard up especially if his behaviors seem to become uncharactoristic because that is when we get really confused and they reel us back in by professing to be different now. "He seemed much more social with everyone on the courts than he usually is (red flag)." They are capable of playing many different roles. Particularly when they can see that we are healing and we don't give a shit anymore. They learn from us and then they mirror back what they think we want to see when they are low on supply or they catch us on an off day and it is all a game, not real, only a movie. You did fantastic and you are on your way. Yippee!!!! God bless, Goldie
Aug 21 - 8AM
Used
Used's picture

brad2723

made a committeemen to myself this week that I would NO LONGER stand in his bucket of shit and complain about the smell. I took my lifeback, so so pleased for you to take this stand ,and so love the saying, cos they are a shower of shit, and this the first time i have learned to paste and copy, so you inspired me to keep trying till i bloody got it right.lol
Aug 21 - 8AM (Reply to #6)
Goldie
Goldie's picture

Way to go girl

I knew you could do it. Pasting and copying rules, it saves so much time. Woo hoo!!! What next? You'll be a computer geek in no time. Great getting out of that shit bucket, gets nasty in there. Time to get out, I love it!!! God bless, Goldie
Aug 21 - 11AM (Reply to #7)
Used
Used's picture

goldie

yep thank to your patience, ive written it down, so i dont knowit off by heart yet, but i willxxx
Aug 20 - 10PM
broken23
broken23's picture

thats awesome. too bad the

thats awesome. too bad the ball didnt accidentally knock him upside the head:)
Aug 20 - 10PM
almostlydia
almostlydia's picture

Good for you. It's two

Good for you. It's two steps forward and most often one step back. Stay strong during those one step backs. The damage does come from unexpected places. But we keep going. Good for you. almostlydia

almostlydia

Aug 20 - 9PM
helldweller
helldweller's picture

Brad

You are an inspiration. I'm so proud of and happy for you. Keep it up and enjoy everything you are!
Aug 20 - 9PM
moonshine
moonshine's picture

great

Yay!!!!!!