How do they 'know'......

19 posts / 0 new

#1 Aug 20 - 1AM

sweetsamm

How do they 'know'......

I just have a question and wonder if anyone else has noticed...how do N's always seem to 'kmow' when you're seeing someone else and things are going good with this person...It never fails,you meet someone,and low and behold,N starts texting and calling.....even when you've had NC with them...isn't that wierd??

#2 Aug 20 - 3PM

cluelessuntilnow

control, control

They definitely are control freaks. My exN is self professed controller and says that he must manage everything because "no one can do it better that he can". No matter what it is. As for knowing , I know that mine asks about me to mutual friends, gets stuff off the internet and has a keen sense of intuition. The most chilling "how do they know" is when he knew my other child's name(with my husband) and I had never told him I even had another child and we had had no contact for over a decade and 1/2. I asked him how he knew and he said "oh, I keep up".

#3 Aug 20 - 11AM

Amy

Good question

I do think it is because they keep tabs on us. Mine seemed to know quite a bit when we got back together. Mutual friends let things slip sometimes. People see you out on a date and it somehow gets back. Or you seem to be HAPPY, so someone mentions that. It puts them in panic mode. In your case, sweetsamm, I think he senses something is up because you have not been responding to his texts and have been living your own life. He senses something "different" because you are not playing his game. He may infer that you are playing with someone else now. He is deathly afraid of losing that attention from you, and now he will try new tactics to get you to respond. Just sick and twisted....

#4 Aug 20 - 8AM

janine

control

Of course it is all about control, because they are so insecure. I know only too well, because having been trained by a borderliner/N father I sensed that in my ex from square one. So, imagine, he had no way to control me and just gained what information I wanted him to have for my own reasons. Pretty sick power play from either side. I once found a note he'd written to himself saying: Make sure to not let others notice what you know about them and do not let them find out anything about yourself. Oh my, was he bad at the latter. Weird, as you say, it certainly is but more in the psychological than supernatural meaning.

#5 Aug 20 - 3PM (Reply to #10)

Begum

control

Begum Mine also constantly leaves notes lying around in which he has written about himself. He even once sent me an email about narcissism. At first I did not understand what he was saying. When the relationship became too wiered I started to research the topic on the internet

Begum

#6 Aug 21 - 11AM (Reply to #11)

macmad

It seems they know what they are

Reading this made me think of when me and my narc were talking about how he was so different from the norm. He told me to put 'self destruct' into a search engine.... Guess what.... he had just pointed me towards malignant narcissism.... Strange but true, wonder what it feels like to actually know you are so warped or are they secretly proud of their condition??????

#7 Aug 21 - 11AM (Reply to #12)

Used

macmad

i believe they do know, narc used to come out with things, one was in said to his mother once why dont i fit in anywhere, and he doesnt, and the bit ive heard from him about his mother[if its true] i even thought his mania for getting women is obviously cos he didnt connect with her, but so what, i know loads of people who didnt connect with a parent, me for one, i didnt become a thrill seeking self destructive psychopath, at the end of the day, i see them as men[boys] who will not take responsibilty for any thing they do, it always someone elses fault.he also said when i said all you think about is going with women, and he said i wouldnt be able to if they said no", i said no. and i thank god, some of the sexual tales ive now heard about him, i dont know how he gets away with it and has for so long

#8 Aug 21 - 12PM (Reply to #13)

almostlydia

I read somewhere that deep

I read somewhere that deep down in the subconscious they do know. But then the say they thing they are just superior beings, so go figure. I heard mine tell a client he had a heart 3 times too small, like the grinch. I was thinking to myself, I don't think it's that big. Mine hung on to me because he wanted that foot on the floor of normal, he wanted the credibility I bring from other people. But he knew he wasn't giving up the secret life, he had to have it. He went to a lot of trouble to try to work it out both ways. I think in the end he thought he had the million dollar solution since f*cking men doesn't count in the f*cking around department. Yeah, right. almostlydia

almostlydia

#9 Aug 21 - 12PM (Reply to #14)

cluelessuntilnow

Grinch

You post sent a chill down my back because only 2 weeks ago did my exN describe himself as the Grinch. I have always felt he knows what he is. Every time he describes himself, it is like a text Narcissist definition.

#10 Aug 21 - 1PM (Reply to #16)

Used

bubble

exn, said i feel i live in a bubble, i wish i had asked him what he ment. i had lost intrest by then, exh, on finding out something about one of his family, said do i walk round with my eyes closed, well no actually, you are both so up your own arse,s, you cant see anything but yourselves. didnt say it though, i had given up by then, when narc relized something one day about me, he looked bewildered, i said how could you not know that[we had been freinds for 3 years],and he said cos i am so up my own arse,lol,talk about out of the mouth,s of babes thats why he didnt see me going off him,lol, cos they cant see the wood for the tree,s cant be aware of having great woman like us,b/c they are so frightened of missing something.and always craning there neck for better supply, it aint out there luv. i believe thats why some come back, cos my n said talk about i didnt know what i had till i lost you.DUH.

#11 Aug 21 - 1PM (Reply to #15)

almostlydia

One of the first scary

One of the first scary things I noticed about the exN was that he could and would justify anything to point of not knowing the difference between what was true or not. I thought this was the scariest thing, at the time, because it's one thing to lie but another thing to truly believe in your lies. The same was true with the justifications. I think this is why they think they are superior beings in order to justify being so f*cked up. Which would mean they do know and have justified it. almostlydia

almostlydia

#12 Aug 20 - 12PM (Reply to #6)

almostlydia

Wow, he actually had to

Wow, he actually had to write that in a note to himself? That would scare the hell of me if I had found that. That's like a confession to being a psycho. Mine bugged my house. He had a client that was an ex special forces and, of all things, ex employee of the cell phone co we both use. I cleaned my closets out ceiling to floor looking for the bug he put in my bedroom. It was the worst invasion of privacy I had ever felt. I was no longer safe in the only safe place I had. I actually left a fake message for a friend, setting him up to see if he would give it away because I was going to the police. It carries a max. 10 thousand dollar penalty and time in prison. That was over a year ago and he never gave it away at the time. Just recently I got a text referring to the man's name I had left in that fake mssg. Duh??? I had assumed it wasn't there anymore. I figured he bugged the house trying to get some sort of blackmail stuff on me because he feared his little affair with his 'boyfriend' was about to hit the fan. That I would find out, like I did most everything, and expose him in the worst way - which I would have. It makes me sick to think he may have video of not only me but my then 16 yr old daughter who used my room all the time. The only authority he respects is the police. It drove me crazy for a long time thinking he could do whatever he wanted to anyone like this with no consequences. If I ever hear anything from someone else that could have only been learned from bugging my room, I will still go to the police. These sickos just can't be allowed to run amok on innocent people. almostlydia

almostlydia

#13 Aug 20 - 2PM (Reply to #8)

sweetsamm

almostlydia

almostlydia i'd totally like to talk to you.....i don't know how we contact other members? I need to ask you about the 'boyfriend'...i have suspicions of men with my ex,and other stuff you've said,seems we have a lot in common.....let me know...Sweetsamm:)

#14 Aug 20 - 11PM (Reply to #9)

almostlydia

sweetsamm

I think Betty can give you my email. will be happy to talk to you. almostlydia

almostlydia

#15 Aug 20 - 2PM (Reply to #7)

sweetsamm

almostlydia

#16 Aug 20 - 2AM

Mariline

As I have already said, I

As I have already said, I found this website googling the word "control". This is out I found out about narcissism. The previous N had put two spywares in my PC and he read everything, bank account, phone calls, emails, everything. He did the same with anyone he knew. Not all of them use the same methods but "control" is a key word in their vocabulary. They are control freaks, they must know everything, after all they are God in their own eyes. They are snoopy. He is controlling you. How, you must find out. But he is not controlling you because he loves you, but because the only feeling he knows and recognizes is power. He cannot have power without control. He controls you because he's a psycho. He does not know because he is superantural or has telepathic powers, but only because he spies on you.

#17 Aug 20 - 9AM (Reply to #3)

Playedwithfire

spy spy i must reply! lol

Holy crap! When I was married to my STBAXB, he did the same thing. Put spyware on my pc! changed my FB and email passwords and then held them from me... this ended him up with mishchief charges that will stick on his record along with the assault charges of course. I just wonder if he will learn or he will keep doing these things to every woman he meets. I know for a fact he did it to his previous gf before we reconciled. Why on earth would he actually tell me about it is beyond my belief! But it was so rosy in that world, I went back to him knowing his tactics. Playedwithfire

Playedwithfire

#18 Aug 20 - 9AM (Reply to #4)

helldweller

playedwithfire

Mischief charges! That is just so outrageous! Isn't that what twelve year olds get?! LOL

#19 Aug 20 - 7AM (Reply to #2)

helldweller

sweetsamm

Yes, it's the control. They make it their business to know, and they want you to wonder how they know to freak you out, to make you think you can't be free of them. Mine had his friends follow me on Facebook and then he'd use it to feel powerful. For example, I had to go to St. Louis for work one day, during a time we weren't talking. I posted on Facebook that I wasn't looking forward to the long drive. A few days later, when we were going to meet to "make up," he was gone all day and that night I asked where he'd been. He looked me right in the eyes, coldly, and said, "St. Louis! What a long drive!" Crap like that all the time. He also did that thing where he wanted to know more than you. Like it would make him insane if I knew a house was for sale on the block and he didn't know about it. Then he'd call around and find out if it were true and, when it was, he'd say, "You were right," with this defeated sounding voice, like he was so miserable that I knew something before he did.

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