A bit overwhelmed
A bit overwhelmed
Hi everyone,
I've been lurking and reading for awhile and decided to join. I'm in the process of divorcing and it's been hell, to say the least. Together 19 yrs, no kids together, each have (young)adult children from previous marriage/relationships.
StbxNH instigated the divorce 4 months ago (altho I filed), but since he's not getting things his way, he's being extremely uncooperative, nasty and spiteful. I have an attorney, but she's turning out to be a flake and I have no money to hire another.
I was a sahm/wife for years, so I have limited job skills and haven't been able to find a job in my area. StbxNH said he was moving out a few months ago, told my attorney he intended to move out, so we wrote a settlement plan to that effect. He didn't move out.
Then over the last holiday he went away for the weekend, and didn't come back until a week later to collect his paycheck. He's been living elsewhere for almost 2 months, but is keeping where he lives a secret. I think he lives with OW. He'd come back to the home to collect his paycheck on friday(s), harrass and bully me, "inform" me how things were going to be in the divorce, yada, yada. I'd usually just tell him to talk to my attorney, and walk away.
He took over all the finances, changed all the passwords on our accounts so that I have no access to marital funds or any of our other accounts. He'd often threaten to let the house go into foreclosure, let my car get repo'd, just walk away from everything. As part of a tentative agreement, and because he cannot legally refuse to provide shelter, food or healthcare for me, he was to give me money every week for my personal expenses, as well as pay morgage and utilities. Of course, he quit giving me money and I have to get on my attorney to make him pay....running up my legal bill.
He's refusing to negotiate a settlement, doesn't have an attorney (that I know of), and did not respond to the 20 day deadline for the divorce summons. So, he may be in default. He just must think if he ignores everything, it will all go his way, or go away, or he can wear me down where I'll throw up my hands and give in (which is one of the ways he used to get me to give in to his whims and demands).
I've always known something was "off" about him, and ours has been an abusive relationship in many ways. I began school years ago to earn a degree so I could support myself, got halfway through and had to quit. Tried stashing away money for my exit....present attorney has sucked me dry of that, so now I'm really financially dependent upon stbxNH.
In the meanwhile, I've been working on the marital home trying to paint and do minor repairs so that we can sell it. I cannot take it over, and stbxNH could, but won't because he doesn't want to buy me out.
It's been almost a month of (physical) NC, and while I'm overwhelmed, stressed, and physically tired....I'm sooo much better not having him just show up and barge into the house whenever he pleased. I was a wreck, jumpy, stomach in knots, and everytime I heard a car drive by I'd feel panicky and tense up.
I keep telling myself "I can do this"....I can get thru this divorce and move on, but they sure do like making it as difficult as possible, don't they?
Thanks for listening to my rant. Just kinda needed to get some things out there and off my chest. I think my family is tired of hearing me, and many don't really "get it" about NPD. They tell me do this...do that...and if he was "normal" their advise might help...but he isn't normal. He's Waaaay not normal. LOL
sabeila
sabeila
Thanks
sabeila
So so sorry you are going
"Cry now because you lost him or cry later because you have him."
thanks Jodie
sabeila - one critical thing
Sabeila