Please Help... Need advice!

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Aug 7 - 6AM (Reply to #15)
betty2020
betty2020's picture

OMG! "what are you

OMG! "what are you wearing", Mine made that same comment every time, like clock work! I think he did it subconsciously. It was his pick up sentence. He said it without thought. I also told him what i was wearing without thought. I cant believe i thought that was normal. WTF? only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

Jan 23 - 12AM (Reply to #17)
Scotchy71
Scotchy71's picture

betty

So did mine, I'd wake up and there it would be..."Soooo, what are you wearing today""..then he'd want details and a picture which he never got!!!!!
Aug 11 - 1PM (Reply to #16)
better off
better off's picture

Ha. I once had a guy (that

Ha. I once had a guy (that I was not dating!) ask me what I was wearing, and I said a 357 magnum. (Didn't discourage him though! Ran fast from that one!)
Aug 12 - 7AM (Reply to #14)
Used
Used's picture

girlfriday

exnf. used to text sex messages to woman[not me] in such away that it seemed like the woman initiated it, then edit them then show other woman them and probley men, he also use to phone them and put them on loudspeaker, talk to them graphicly and they answer, not knowing he was sitting with other people, ime not saying they all do it but i believe so, why text sex messages,to you thenwhen you are with him heshows no interestin you i think they do it out of boredom to see how far they can go. i never got any text like that, but texted him after an argument, never dreaming he would show people ,but he did, she told me word fof word what i had text, i never told him, i just stop phoning or texting, when he asked why, i just said its boring, and that anything we have to say to each other we can say in person, iam a fully paid up adult, but text he showed me from a woman, made me want to get the hell out of there.
Aug 7 - 2AM (Reply to #13)
broken23
broken23's picture

Its so sad when all of us

Its so sad when all of us can relate to "Sexting" what is it with these guys? i thought it was sexy but then i realized it just dirty and gets old. Get away from this guy...he has no respect for you and any woman.
Aug 6 - 11PM
tigger73
tigger73's picture

o.k so this conversation, or

o.k so this conversation, or rather mindf--- of a conversation, happened in my marriage regarding EVERY topic of what I'd even call a conversation for 10 straight years. I SWEAR TO YOU, this is exactly the type of bs they feed to us. It is so brainwashing and confusing and extremely damaging to our self esteems. I cannot tell you how damaged I am. I feel I am damaged beyond repair. And if my alternative is a life in hell like i was, then I'll take damaged for 200.000 Alex. Anyday! Your text conversation is such a classic examply of narc speak. It made me uncomfortable to read it, I mean this. Although my exnh and i have 3 kids, when we do have contact, I make NO EYE CONTACT with him. It is the closest to nc i can get. I have not looked in this freaks eyes for 4 weeks now. Do I still feel guilty sometimes? Beyond. Do I still feel like I was the one with the problem? Yep, but the minutes when I entertain that thought are getting longer in between. I promise you they are. Hang in there. And the advice about maintaining NO CONTACT and staying on this board........it is dead on. Those 2 things will get you thru it, in time. My daughter thinks i am obsessed with this site. You know what? Id rather be obsessed with this site than obsessed with a narsisst, and that is where I have been for 10 very lonely long abusive tormenting years. Brainwashed I was. No more.
Aug 7 - 12PM (Reply to #11)
apple
apple's picture

Tigger 73

Yes!! And the blaming!!! It's like what I wrote in my personal story... 1+2=mindfu** EVERY SINGLE TIME. This is why I have felt so very confused the last two years. So glad that I posted these text messages and getting your insight helps me feel not crazy. I too feel like I am so far gone that there is no hope for me. But there is. I am getting off this purgatory merry go round as of today!!!! xxA
Aug 7 - 6AM (Reply to #10)
Used
Used's picture

eye contact

towards the long goodbye of trying to get away ,when i was with him i never made eye contact, he used to say look at me when you are talking, i coulnt i even used to sit with him in a social setting and position my self facing anyone but him, time to get out, when i think the fist few months of meeting him i faced him fullon, looking at him, yuk.
Aug 6 - 9PM
betty2020
betty2020's picture

Do you really want to spend

Do you really want to spend time with that? Please read this over and over. This person is very very sick. He is destroying you with his sickness. I know that this is what you are use to with him. You see his behavior and his abuse as normal. ITS NOT! This Narc is cunning and powerful. You can not make him into what you want him to be. He is a controller, a manipulator and a destroyer. Is this the love you feel your worthy of? Do you see your worth more? He will continue to toy with you till your broken completely. That not far off honey. You need to step back now. You are suffering from Narcissistic Abuse and all the effects that go along with it. This is going to take a lot of time and education on your part to get your life back. We are all here for you but the first thing you must understand before anyone will be able to help is that you have to cut him out and go No Contact with him immediately. You will not even begin to see relief from your pain and agony until this happens. You may not understand or like what i am telling you. I didnt when i first came here but i learned that everyone here was right. I had to follow direction till i could think for myself. My direction was two things in the beginning. 1. Absolutely No Contact with the Narcissist. You cannot waver on this. This means text,email,friends, social network sites. Cut everything off immediately. 2. Stay very close to the board. Lots of contact. Lots of post and questions, read everything, the blogs and everything that is posted. Read in the share your story section. READ them all! If you need one on one contact let us know through the contact email on the board. This is all you need to focus on. It will all fall into place if you can just do these two things. They are not easy but if you follow those two rules you will come to know emotional freedom and happiness in the future. There is much work to be done to get there but worth every bit in the end. If you continue doing what your doing now, then this is your life. Life of abuse, life of misery, life of hell. Because this is the only life you can share with a Narcissist. Please stay with us. We will love you when you cant love yourself. Just stay close and follow those two things. I promise you it will get better. xoxoxo only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

Aug 6 - 9PM (Reply to #6)
apple
apple's picture

Thank you Betty...

Please pray for me!! This is the hardest thing I have ever had to face down. This is my one demon. I can do it, but I don't know if I can without this site and all your support. Thank you for being there for me. I can't talk to anyone else about this except my new therapist but we are still working on my childhood traumas and haven't really touched on him yet.. I love you guys!! Thank you so much!! NC STARTING NOW!!! If I feel like I'm gonna cave I will get on this board as fast as possible. You are all blessings to me. I hope you know it!! xxA
Aug 7 - 8AM (Reply to #8)
anonymous
anonymous's picture

Journal or This Site

Slim - any time you feel the urge to contact him, DON'T. Instead, either write what you want to say to him in your journal OR write it on this forum. But DO NOT send it to him. He doesn't deserve it. Also, something that's helped me a lot - I write (with old-fashioned pen and paper) in my journal, which is a spiral bound cheapy notebook. Once I fill up the notebook, I go back and re-type everything exactly as I wrote it (with no edits) in Microsoft OneNote on my computer. Any word processing software would work. It really, really helps to see where I was at and where I am now in terms of my education and healing. Also - what you weigh and what you are comfortable with in terms of your weight it yours, and only yours, to own and control. He does not own your body and does not get to tell you what you should weigh.
Aug 7 - 12AM (Reply to #7)
betty2020
betty2020's picture

I am praying for you and we

I am praying for you and we all know exactly how hard this is. You have no options though. None. We are here right by your side the whole way. If you want to text or email, do it to me instead. only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

Aug 6 - 8PM
anonymous
anonymous's picture

You are NOT the problem!!!

He is. Any PIG who would START a conversation, even text, not with "hey, how are you?" or "how's your day going?" but with "how's my pussy?" if an f'ing a$$hole!!! First off, it's not HIS pussy!!! He does not own your privates nor does he own you - even though he thinks he does. Do everything you can to summon every ounce of strength you have and go NC with this guy at once. You will never, ever be treated by this "man" in any way other than disrespectfully and immaturely. NC is not something you need to announce to him - simply STOP responding to any and all communication from him. And be selfish and focus 100% on your own healing and self-worth. You are worth your investment in yourself. And he is not worth you investing anything of yourself in him ever again.
Aug 6 - 9PM (Reply to #2)
apple
apple's picture

Thanks Morty!!!

That's pretty much how he starts his texts with me every time he contacts me (I never initiate contact first). Or it's "are you staying skinny for me?" I weigh 113 llbs and it is very hard for me to stay at this weight. I asked him to please stop asking me about my weight because I am already hard enough on myself about it (he knows this already). His response: I don't want a fat chick. But get fat then. Today when I went off on him I was just feeling so fed up. He has been dangling the seeing me "soon" carrot in front of my face for so long now that I am just so hurt and angry. Angry at myself for falling for it every single time. Am I really asking that much? I stay out of his business and I don't hound him about where he is or what he is doing. But when he tells me (only once in awhile) that he has a day off its such a slap in the face (he tells me the same day so then its impossible for me to drive to see him since I didn't have time to get work off). I know I have to start taking responsibility for this and my own happyness but at the same time I love him and I somehow want to believe that in his heart there is good and that he does love me. I just don't know how he has turned so differint then what he was before. I just want to make sure that the problem isin't me. I don't want to play the victim card and I don't want to feel crazy. Thanks so much for your insight. You have made me feel much better!! I am going to try NC again. I know I have to do this for myself. No one else can do it for me. Thanks Again!! xxA
Aug 6 - 9PM (Reply to #3)
NancyM
NancyM's picture

slimpickens

gosh i really feel for you right now. All the things you are saying is exactly how it is for us as well. I was a tough nut, and the hardest thing I had to accept about myself was that "YES" I was a victim. Nothing began to move for me until I faced that. Sounds like you are coming to terms with it so thumbs up for NC and good luck...:)

Nevergoback

Aug 7 - 2AM (Reply to #4)
broken23
broken23's picture

somehow victim seems to

somehow victim seems to automatically have a negative connotation but victim doesnt equal weak. It means you are under his spell being brainwashed and are at not in control of the situation but its okay...it is hard to accept. But necessary for getting on and saying i wont be victimized anymore.