update

16 posts / 0 new

#1 Jul 6 - 2PM

justwantpeace

update

Well i thought we may have a settlement worked out. he doesnt not want to go to depositions or to court. So he exchanged one thing for another. I pay my lawyer fees for him leaving my retirement alone. That is a sizeable amount of money to. I no I need to go no contact but i just want this over. I told him I wanted to come to the house and make sure his lawyer gets called with the info we agreed on. He sounded mad. he called me back and said he talked to the assistant and his lawyer is in court today and he will write the info out and take by there. He has our son also. So when is he suppose to take this by. He said my lawyer would have the papers by tomorrow on the settlement.

He was really agreeable with me and about having son home on time. I just cant shake the feeling he is lying. It just doesnt fit.

#2 Jul 10 - 6PM

Carolyn

Be careful of making a

Be careful of making a non-binding settlement with a mental case. It usually doesn't go to well. You want this over and anyone involved in this kind of legal wrangling wants it over. he doesn't want to do revealing, expensive, and difficult depositions but he doesn't want to co-operate and follow through either. Can you deal with him only through the lawyer? He can sign a settlement agreement without you being the go between. you sound like you have reasonable anxiety over him being with your son. You are almost at the end of this keep your lawyer in the loop and you step out. The rest of your new, great life is around the corner.

#3 Jul 10 - 6AM

justwantpeace

i like that letter barbara.

i like that letter barbara. That is great. He tried contacting me yesterday. We went over everything in my lawyers office and he got a copy of the final agreement that goes before a judge next week. He sent me a text and asked to make sure he gets 1 day a week with son right. I know I shouldnt have but i replied one time and that was it barbara. I said you will get son one day a week, i would prefer now that you contact me by email. i am looking to sever ties and move on and go my way. I wish you the best but ask that you not contact me anymore and stick to the agreement. take care and i wish you the best. I will pray for you but that is all that i can offer to you now. It made me feel better to know that i was trying to do the right thing. he didnt reply and i didnt contact him anymore. I know i shouldnt have done that but it made me feel better about myself. I know it wont do any good but i did that more for me than him. i no longer want to know what he is doing or who with. i think that is best because right now it would just keep me tore up. im ready to get back in to therapy for myself and work to heal and move on. im determined. i keep reminding myself that im not a cruel person. along time ago i use to be a strong person. i faced my problems head on and I dealt with them and i handled them. I feel at peace right now that im going to get out of this. Im hurting and im sad but i feel peace at the same time. Am i correct barbara in assuming that he will try to contact me again. he is still trying to cling to son and burn his phone up now. i went out of my way trying to give him time with son when i kept getting blamed by him that im keeping son from him. i asked son yesterday before the final meeting what he wanted. i told him that if he had to a judge he would have a say because he is at the age of majority. he told me he didnt want a month in the summer with his dad that was being requested. he said he was ok with the agreement that i proposed. I wanted him to have a say in this and i feel good about that. i didnt want to keep him from his dad if thats what he wanted. BUT i do want to try and protect him as much as a i can from his dad.

#4 Jul 10 - 6AM (Reply to #13)

justwantpeace

I have always been taught to

I have always been taught to work hard and i have. I always always taught you do what you need to do in order to provide for your family. he was always looking for the quick money. the ow is still there but i dont know how. i dont want to know either. as long as she is not brought around me or son then that is his life now and we want no part of it. son has said that to. (im venting and trying to practice journaling). i have a journal and forgot it. son seems to be doing ok. i had told him that if he wanted to talk to his dad call him. i said if he wanted to see him then he would have to go to his dad though and his dad couldnt come to the house anymore. he was actually ok with this. im have a little bit of a hard time because sometimes he wants to talk about his dad and im trying to be supportive. he really likes to hear about how his dad and i met and what things were like when he was little and things were good. so im hoping i can get thru that and therapy will help me handle that and be able to give son what he needs. he is my concern right now. i want to know he will be ok and im not throwing him back to the wolves so to speak for more pain. which im sure he will be hurt again. right now exNH is still all about him. He is hurting and he is very sad from this. i cant help that. he did this and he chose this so the victim thing really iritates me right now. i realize now that by pushing for the divorce to go to trial backed him into a corner. i really believe if i hadnt that we would still be married and still in this mess. i believe he settled because he had to save face and couldnt let all that he has done come out. barbara am i right to assume also that he will try to find ways to still be there and try to have control? im waiting on my book to get here that you told me about. i really do good when he is out of sight and out of mind. now that we have an agreement im not going out of my way to give him more time with son. he needs to accept things and that he will have his time. if son wants to go with him and see him then thats different. i will let son but i have also cautioned son. i just explained it that his dad is going thru a hard time. i told him do not let your dad try to guilt you or push you into doing anything you didnt want to do or feel uncomfortable with. i told him to make sure his phone is charged and keep it with him. i said if something does happen that if he will call me i will come get him. he said ok. i told him none of this was his fault and that i want him to see his dad if thats what he wants. i was strong once and i can be strong again. i just have to get thru the hurt and the pain and heal. i can do this and i know it. i have a great support system. thanks for letting me get all this out. sometimes i feel i just need to talk to someone who understands. im not looking for sympathy from anyone, i just want to find comfort.

#5 Jul 10 - 12PM (Reply to #14)

Barbara (not verified)

NO MORE

NO more contact don't ASK him to leave you alone - TELL! And enforce it. Send everything he sends you - including texts w/ time& date TO YOUR LAWYER. He should not be contacting you. is the one day a week thing IN WRITING AND SIGNED BY A JUDGE?????? it better be because he will try to jerk you around if it isn't. SO TELL YOUR LAWYER YOU NEED THAT IN WRITING. NO MORE CONTACT - he texts - email it to your lawyer - let THEM respond!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/

#6 Jul 9 - 7AM

justwantpeace

this is a good one i have to

this is a good one i have to share. he said he didnt want to go to court because he didnt want a judge to take the house from me. that was because son wanted to keep it. oh he is such a nice guy.

#7 Jul 9 - 6AM

justwantpeace

Finally got the papers.

Finally got the papers. There are some changes that need to be made. They are suppose to be done and then it just has to be signed by a judge. He is being very agreeable right now. I just had to give on one thing and it was the lawyer fees to keep my retirement. I dont get it. He is still trying to play the victim and that he cares but wont say it. Is that still part of trying to manipulate me. Because after this is over I told him I want to sever ties. Our drop off pick up point for visitation is a 3rd party location. This way neither of us have to be present when the other gets there. We try to talk to work out some last minute details and always ended up on us. I said this is off subject and i would keep steering back to the divorce. he actually started crying that my parents and I want nothing to do with him and son believes he doesnt care for me. He kept saying i didnt care for him and probably wished he would die from a heart attack or get hit by a bus. Im so sick of hearing that.

#8 Jul 9 - 1PM (Reply to #10)

Barbara (not verified)

justwantpeace

for you: http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/manipulator/martyr.shtml and NO CONTACT!

#9 Jul 7 - 3PM

justwantpeace

Now Im angry. The papers

Now Im angry. The papers were suppose to be to me by 5 today so if any corrections needed to be made they could have been done tomorrow. well i get a call from my lawyer, his called and said he didnt drop the papers off til 3pm and that means he had our child when he did that. so my lawyer said the depositions would not be canceled. so right now the deal is being broken by my stbxn no surprise. his lawyer is known for being dirty so i feel they are trying to slip something by and get this done in a hurry. i have this feeling i will get the settlement papers tomorrow afternoon. well im not saying anything but if that happens then i will say forget it and we go to depositions and then we go to trial. he can let a judge hold him accountable.

#10 Jul 7 - 4PM (Reply to #8)

Barbara (not verified)

justwantpeace

it was PURPOSEFUL he's also sending your child the message that you can jerk people around - especially their mother. If you get them tomorrow DEFINITELY SAY FORGET IT!!! and GO TO TRIAL. CALL THIS MAN'S BLUFF - even if your attorney tries to talk you out of it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do NOT be talked out of it. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free Information for abuse victims/ Updated Daily: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/

#11 Jul 6 - 5PM

justwantpeace

oh court hasnt been called

oh court hasnt been called off. i cant shake the bad feeling about. im wondering if this is a stall tactic because he is not wanting to do the depositions. he went from being not agreeable to agreeable all of a sudden. im suppose to have the papers tomorrow and the depos are thursday. then he tried to throw out he still cares for me and wouldnt let anyone hurt me. i have never wanted anything over so badly in my life.

#12 Jul 6 - 9PM (Reply to #3)

Barbara (not verified)

justwantpeace

listen to that gut feeling he's going to try to throw off things or veer back & forth. Just watch. NO CONTACT and hang in there. Stick to your guns!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/

#13 Jul 7 - 5AM (Reply to #4)

justwantpeace

You were right Barbara.

You were right Barbara. Trying to get this settled is awful. We ended up in an argument and i let myself stoop to his level. I didnt like it there. He cursed at me and said words he has never said. I didnt get that far and today I do not like myself very much. I let myself go to a place I said I never would. It was like I snapped and just couldnt take it anymore. I finally started to cry and said just send the papers, I want out I want out I want out. I said I want this over and never to see you again. I said to him I was sorry that I let myself go there that this was doing no good and I just want out and i just dont like that. I said we are doing nothing but hurting our son and I refuse to do this anymore and hung up. Then I go to my car to leave for work this morning and there was a small bag on my car with my ring and a note that says Im sorry for arguing with you today, where did I go wrong I lost a friend somewhere along in the bitterness, Good bye. Now I started to cry again. I hate when he does stuff like that. last year he supposedly tried several attempts at suicide and this note is just like the crap he pulled then. The only time he ever tried the suicide in front of me was I walked in to see him sitting in the floor with a gun. I didnt look at him at first and walked by him. he stops me and says dont you see me sitting here. I turned around and saw. I had started to cry and then I did what my therapist said. I picked up the phone and called his family. It got him a trip to a mental facility to be assessed for suicide. Which he was told he wasnt suicidal. I found out later it was all a ploy to keep me in our relationship. So this morning I called his brother and read him the note and asked to check just to make sure. I am not going to contact him. I asked his brother not to mention the note and give him extra attention. Im suppose to have settlement papers today, hopefully. The only thing that is suppose to be exchanged is I pay my lawyer fees for him leaving my pension alone. I will gladly trade that as its a sizeable amount of money.

#14 Jul 7 - 6AM (Reply to #5)

justwantpeace

I had stopped seeing my

I had stopped seeing my counselor because he didnt like her. i like her very much. She once told me that I needed to not have contact with him but once a week because we have a child. She said Im like a puppy that keeps going back to get kicked in the face as an anaolgy to abuse. I have used that saying with him several times and he cant stand to hear that. He called her a quack. He is a self proclaimed christian. She is a christian counselor. I start back seeing her july 22nd.

#15 Jul 7 - 10AM (Reply to #6)

Barbara (not verified)

good!

exNH HATED my therapist. Tried to prevent me from attending her funeral, even. Good that you are going back! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/

#16 Jul 6 - 4PM

Barbara (not verified)

yes it does

fits PERFECTLY... he's been oppositional because he CAN. (You should have taken him to court - who cares what he wants) he's having a tantrum so this is his way of maintaining some control over you, your reactions and so on. FOR GOSH SAKES: GET IT ALL IN WRITING AND FILED WITH COURT!!!!! Never ever ever make a verbal agreement with a Narc and expect him to remember, abide by it and let it be. NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've post tons of stuff on the Message Boards about DIVORCE. These are not HUMANS, they don't care - they enjoy hurting you. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/

Path Forward Buy Now Reviews
All About Her Buy Now Reviews
All About Him Buy Now Reviews