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On the verge

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#1 Aug 5 - 1AM
girlfriday
girlfriday's picture

On the verge

I think I may be ready for NC.
All things are pointing in that direction, such as:

-He just mindf**ked me badly. A few times in a row. I think it's all he's ever done. I think I hit my limit this week. Something shifted.

-I just started new work which would require my phone to potentially take a lot of messages.
Problem is, I have saved all of N's messages and my message box is full.
The universe is telling me it's time to erase them.

-I am gently dating a normal guy who texts me.
Problem is, my text box is full from the N's texts that I've kept. If I want to receive texts from the normal guy, that would require me to erase them. The universe is telling me it's time to erase them.

-We were planning on seeing each other when he's in town next week. Problem is, the normal guy goes to the same event every week that we were planning on going to. So I'd run into normal guy while with N. Not gonna happen. So the universe is telling me not to do our "special thing" together.

I haven't responded to him for two days. Wasn't hard. When I get away from him, all the CRAP starts flooding my head and it all seems so obvious how bad it all was.
When he communicates with me, it all seems so good and benign and fun and okay. The CD has been horrible since day one.
Baddream's NC list was inspiring. Any other encouragement would be appreciated.
Thanks

Aug 6 - 12PM
agnesmurphy17
agnesmurphy17's picture

Why?

Why would you see a guy who already has a girlfriend?
Aug 6 - 5PM (Reply to #11)
girlfriday
girlfriday's picture

Why.

Why would I see a guy who already has a girlfriend? Great question. I did not know he already had a long-term, long-distance girlfriend and a double or triple life when we became a couple. He was my man. He talked about babies. After finding out 8 months later, after the shock, I became numb to the idea of it. I allowed a good hoovering. I wasn't waiting for him to leave her. I do not want to marry him. I simply enjoyed his company so much and needed my fix. So I minimized and compartmentalized the bad. Make sense? I continued on like just about everyone else here, despite it being unhealthy. I'm here trying to get healthy.
Aug 6 - 12AM
helldweller
helldweller's picture

hi all

just wanted to let all still in contact know that not seeing him is wonderful. He is just a flesh and blood person now. The fabulousness is all in the words. Good night or good morning, international girls and boys!
Aug 6 - 11AM (Reply to #9)
almostlydia
almostlydia's picture

girlfriday and helldweller

I think you're ready too!!!! and Yeah, Yeah, Yeah. Moving forward. Helldweller, I believe you mean flesh and blood alien, no offense to aliens.

almostlydia

Aug 6 - 5AM (Reply to #8)
Used
Used's picture

helldweller

well done, and the less you see him, the more our rose coloured glasses get clearer, and we see them for the nothings they are. as i got in the car this morning, the song, i will survive came on, as i went along i thought and we have, my tormenters thought i wouldnt survive without them. oh and they hated the song. i wonder why? lol.good luck.
Aug 6 - 1AM (Reply to #7)
girlfriday
girlfriday's picture

Yes. The words have always

Yes. The words have always been magical, inducing me into a drugged state; inducing instantaneous amnesia of all of his wrongdoings. Bad amnesia. When we don't speak, my memory comes back. And it ain't pretty. Thanks helldweller. Stay strong. Congrats on the book!
Aug 5 - 11PM
girlfriday
girlfriday's picture

Thanks...

gals for the input and support. I still feel like I hit my limit. I feel like I've O.D.'d on his lies and B.S. and mind games. I feel just sick of the confusion and wondering. Tired of all of it. This final game of his was just a bit too sadistic. It would take too long to explain. I just want it all to stop. I'm not sure if he's still keylogging me. If he is, then he knows what's up. I cleaned out the computer, but you never know. That was the sickest game of all. Acting like a mind-reader, while I was unaware that he was actually reading everything I ever typed. Mind-rape. He has been away all summer so that's been good even though I was not N.C. at all. He was going to come home, but decided to take a teaching job on the opposite coast, so it will be really good, the continuation of physical distance. I think that when he realizes I'm done, he won't act out too much because I finally found out about his "real" long-term girlfriend. He's terrified I will blow his cover. I almost did when I found out, but he manipulated and seduced me into loving him again. I could tell her now still, but he can talk his way out of ANYTHING. Goldie, it IS difficult to realize you've been with a conman. Mine admitted to me that he's a con artist. I think your story is particularly scary, so please never ever crack the door open for him to get back in. Don't worry about my choosing him over a normal. Not a possibility. I'm eager to move on. I was just waiting for the clarity.
Aug 5 - 9AM
wholeagain
wholeagain's picture

Follow your instinct

Girlfriday...if you can approach NC this organically that's wonderful. I found that when I was able to physically get away from the ex for a period of time I was able to get so much more clear on what was/had been happening--that's when that mindshift occurred for me as it sounds like it has for you. So the more time you can go without seeing him the better. If you can not see him when he's in town, good for you. The normal guy you're gently dating (love that term) deserves a bit of space in your life ;) We're here to help you get on your way!
Aug 5 - 1PM (Reply to #4)
Goldie
Goldie's picture

The time apart is key

Yes, breaking that physical connect was key for me. My XNP went to jail for 40 days 5 months into the relationship and when he came out the spell was broken. He started touching me and I looked at him and he looked and felt like a stranger, oh sure I had sex with him, however it was different, I was able to feel the disconnect from him, something I did not notice as much before when I was still under his "spell". I was able to tell him in a few days that my feelings had changed and I was no longer "in love" with him and I hoped that he would be able to move on and eventually find someone new. Course he did not want to go as he had not yet "lined up" his new supply. He got real pissy and made a few more holes in the walls and got physical 2 more times. By then his record was so long that the Police simply hauled his sorry butt back to jail, with no chance at bail and the game was over. I go through the same withdrawal as everyone else here describes, it's more the pain of realizing that the entire relationship was a sham, that I was used, that he lied about most everything ect.. That is the difficult part for me. Intellectually I have no further interest in him. Emotionally it still stings that I was so blind and literally taken in by a conman. I have read a few stories on here about women finding someone good and getting hooked back with him again. I am sorry that happened to them, however, they are good stories to read because we all appear to have that tendency to want to see if maybe we missed something in them that may be good for us. NOT, all the stories end the same way. He did not change, there was nothing else there to see aside from more pain, and he hurt them again. I don't get the impression that you will fall for that trap. Just remember it is an easy and human thing to do so. Protect yourself and your progress, you sound like you are getting it and I am so glad you are. God bless, Goldie
Aug 5 - 7AM
betty2020
betty2020's picture

Listen to the Universe

Listen to the Universe girl...Its giving you very sound advice. xoxoxo only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

Aug 5 - 2AM
happydaysahead
happydaysahead's picture

I agree....

It certainly seems that the Universe is sending you some signs. It's always great when they communicate, at least in the beginning or right after they have dumped on you and are wanting to worm their way back. I have alot of messages saved from my N, both good and bad and I have not been able to erase them yet either, also the texts. When you hit your limit, you will surely know. I am happy to say that after the last disappearing act, I had hit my limit. Just being by myself and reading on this forum has really opened my eyes. But I do agree, you have to get to that point. I wish I would have gotten there sooner, would have saved me a whole lotta grief. But I am just thankful that I did get there. And it sounds like you are getting there (or are there) now !! YAH !! for you and YAH !! for us all !!