Gaslighting

My ex-Psychopath professor was the same way. If I showed him normal human kindness/sympathy, he'd sarcastically say "You're doing it for you, not for me." While a Narc might use his family issues to get sympathy (and not be sympathetic about yours), my ex-Psych would be incredibly cruel if his family issues led to me giving sympathy. My ex-Psych thought that kindness, compassion, mercy, were things deserving of punishment. He treated me as if I HAD to be punished for being nice to him. During the D&D, he raged, "Why do you like me?" I named positive qualities--then he said I was projecting my good qualities onto him (can someone here EXPLAIN that one--perhaps he was right) He told me about how he spent time in mental hospitals as a child because he was emotionless (he may or may not have been adopted, because he looks NOTHING like his famous father) When I told him I had spent time in hospitals due to physical ailments... he of course used it against me. He was paranoid about losing his marbles;he was always afraid that he'd go insane. He was paranoid that I'd tell other people about his stay in the mental institution (at the time, I didn't) Now that I'm no longer his student, no longer in the Southwest, I no longer feel obligated to keep his little secret. He was untrustworthy. He stabbed me in the back all 4 years. Why not tell his secret now?

a narc/spath disordered personality should watch the movie. It is fascinating and(unfortunately) close to home. If you've ever been conned...and many of these freaks are con-men, I would suggest Portrait of a Lady with Nicole Kidman. Another look into the depravity of certain individuals. These stories must have had something to spark their creation.

I had during the movie.....someone actual wrote this screenplay! I wondered...did they have this experience, read about it somewhere??? Where did they get this idea for a movie?? It solidified for me that these disorders have been around, most likely, since the beginning of time. And they are going to stay around too. Pretty sobering thought. Today, we have the benefit of info and the internet to disseminate information...something the character in the movie didn't have..or previous generations either. I think that gives us the best hope of breaking free from them.

Excellent article, I especially like the DOs and Donts. I wonder if we need a separate post for those..... only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

....and I bought it, was reading it in bed (still married) when he asked me what I was reading. I had felt finally validated and understood by this book and then finally knew what the hell to call his type of insidious and confusing abuse. I told him what I was reading and he filed for divorce.....the next day! My favorite gaslighting story that I tell is when I was walking down the hall, heard something fall over, watched as my dog jumped into another room and as my exN jumped into the other room. I went to figure out what had fallen over, found my exN cowering in the other room, asked him what that noise was and he said to me "See even (name of dog) is afraid of you. You were stomping down the hall." Insinuating that I was mad about something and making waves as I walked down the hall. Which was not at all the case. When I advised him that something fell and that is when the dog jumped into the other room....it of course fell on deaf ears. He also constantly called me abusive as he was abusing the hell out of me, told me numerous times that he was "afraid" of me. This coming from a man who was controlling, manipulative, judgemental, pushed me twice, punched the bathroom door, put a hole in the bathroom wall, threw a gift I gave to him smashing it and his cell into pieces as he careened both into a wall after I found out he slept with another and lied to me about it after having just slept with me thus exposing me to a potential disease...I could go on and on..... And what was I doing...trying to understand what the hell was going on, defending myself and trying to love and care for an impossible man. Did I make mistakes? Of course. No one is perfect. The difference between exN and myself? I owned up to those mistakes and was genuinley remorseful and apologetic. He never owned or admitted to all the transgressions against me. And guess what to this day he would still claim to be the biggest transgression I did against him? I tapped into his email when I was suspicious of his events, found out that he was talking with the ex-girlfriend just before me about our marriage (triangulating)and telling her how awful I was while telling me a mixed bag of messages about our marriage/about me (sometimes he loved me, sometimes he didn't). I lied about how I found out about this email exchange between the two and before he realized I lied, he was "remorseful" and said that he should not have been talking to her about us and that he wanted to make our family work. After he found out the truth about how I discovered that email...I became the horrible shrew who lied to him and the fact that he had been having an emotional affair/triangulation with the ex then paled in comparison to the one lie that I told. He never let me live thatdown for even one day...NEVER...and the punishment he bestowed upon me after that never fit the crime. If I could line up all the ways that he has been hurtful to me it would reach the moon while my transgressions would reach the top of a tree. And guess what? This lovely man is a marital counselor. And I contacted that ex girlfriend via email, told her my side of the story and she kindly responded, told me that she had the EXACT experience of him and thanked me for contacting her and validating her because she too felt crazy. I know now that he has new NS and I feel sorry for her. Time will reveal him to her. I know he has new NS because he does not go past 3 weeks without tracking me down and I have been NC for 48 days:). I know him well though and know that he has tracked down almost every ex in his life. He use to constantly talk about his ex's and then expected that this should not upset me. So I know that he will do the same someday to me, especially when his new supply no longer meets his needs. And what will I do? IGNORE! Just like he did to me soooooooooo many countless times. F**K this piece of sh*t looser. I was recently feeling sad and idealizing him again....but I am back!