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Help!?!

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#1 Jul 31 - 8PM
gigi9
gigi9's picture

Help!?!

So I have not been on the blog for awhile because the computer was down. I have noticed while off this site I have started to idealize him and to forget what a piece of sh*t he has been. This site has validated me in so many ways and has helped me to stay strong. I am day 46 NC yet I may have broken NC and would appreciate a few opinions. He and I are in the same profession and one of our professional colleagues sent me an email looking for the N's contact info as he has been unable to track him down and needs to talk to him so I simply forwarded that email to the N with this short note:

"_______ is looking for you and I did not want to give out your contact info in case you don't want him to have it so I am forwarding this on to you".

Would you all consider that breaking NC? I didn't sign my name to the end of the sentence....just that one sentence. Help...tell me that I can still remain at day 46!

Aug 1 - 10AM
enoughalready
enoughalready's picture

giggi9

I feel NC is NC. When my XN stalked me down or came to my other gym, I felt the NC is gone cause he contacted me. I never contacted him nor have any desire, so in my mind- I have been NC for 6.5 months. As long as you are NC emotionally, mentally and physically from him, then to me you have been NC. Be proud of yourself for staying NC for this long. Keep it up...
Aug 1 - 7AM
helldweller
helldweller's picture

gigi9

Don't worry about the email. But DO worry about why you care if someone gets his info if he doesn't want it. You should be writing his number and what he did on bathroom walls and all over the internet. In fact, why don't you post it here? LOL Don't worry. You are great!
Aug 1 - 6AM
awayfromhim
awayfromhim's picture

How does contacting someone

How does contacting someone not constitute breaking no contact? I don't understand that. In my opinion, NC was broken. You contacted him. But, in my eyes, does it constitute a failure? No. If anyone wants to get in touch with the N I would simply tell them I had no idea how to get in touch and perhaps they could ask someone else.
Aug 1 - 8AM (Reply to #3)
gigi9
gigi9's picture

awayfromhim

I woke up this am thinking the same thing but then I decided to not be too hard on myself and that yes I will remain at now day 47 NC. I did not contact him with any intent other than to forward on that email as we are in the same profession and if I contacted the person who was looking for him he would find it strange and wonder why I do not have the N's info and I don't want to have to get into that with anyone who is in my professional circle. And at the same time I did not want to ignore this person's request for N's number. So I weighed my options and decided to leave it up to the N to decide to give this person his info and thus leaves me having not ignored that person's request. It truly was that one sentence with no sign off or begging or longing to work things out. If my intent was anything other and the email fraught with "I miss/love you's" then yes, back down to day 1 for me. I feel better in my own heart that I did the right thing from a professional standpoint and hooray I am day 47 NC!
Aug 1 - 9AM (Reply to #4)
awayfromhim
awayfromhim's picture

I wasn't saying to give up

I wasn't saying to give up the time at all. And it doesn't matter what the other person would have thought. It is ok to tell someone you are no longer in contact with someone and, I don't know, deleted their information or dropped my BB in a puddle and, damn, the info is gone, and perhaps so and so can help. The problem of getting in touch with the N was the other person's problem, not yours. Regardless of the content of the email, the contact leaves the door open for a return note. May not happen, but if it does, you are now open for abuse. See what I'm saying? I'm not chastising or anything close to that. What I'm saying is that you do not have to contact the N under this kind of circumstance.
Aug 1 - 9AM (Reply to #5)
gigi9
gigi9's picture

awayfromhim

Thank you! I do totally see your point and appreciate the input. If my N responds to that one liner I will just ignore him. I am still glad I sent that email though because it has cleared me in two ways: 1. I did not ignore my colleagues request for another colleagues info and 2. I did not have to explain to the colleague why I don't have the N's contact info or why we are not talking as it would have been questioned. The N can tell him what he wants to and can decide if he wants this colleague to have his info. I want to keep things professional on my end and could care less what the N says about our time together. The professional circle I work in knows and respects me and truthfully the N has not historically launched a smear campaign against me so he will likely keep it clean too. So I guess I have compartmentalized this into a professional breaking of contact versus a personal breaking of contact and in that way I feel like professionally I handled something well. I soooo appreciate your input and that is why I posted. I was more panicked about it right after I sent the email and now in time I see that I was just handling a professional matter.
Jul 31 - 8PM
MsVulcan500
MsVulcan500's picture

No,

No, that's not breaking contact. If he responds to you in any way, just don't reply to him. I'll still consider you NC!