Twisted thinking

I met a guy who was married to a narcissist (diagnosed with NPD and HPD) a while back in a coffee shop (he approached me because I was reading a book on narcissism). So, we struck up a conversation and it was pretty fascinating and frightening to hear how his life is still so affected five years after their divorce. They have joint custody so he has to maintain contact with her. My point in sharing this is that he told me how he now has to think like her in order to get his very reasonable needs met concerning his children. He remarked how twisted it felt to "manipulate the manipulator"...but that's his reality now. Specifically, if he wants to see his children on his birthday or father's day, he has to tell her he has other plans and he doesn't want to see the children. THEN...invariably, she'll drop them off just before his plans are set to begin in an attempt to ruin his plans. She thinks she's pissing on his parade when in fact, she's played right into his hands. So sick. But I thought I'd share that with those of you who are dealing with a N ex and have joint custody or are in the process of this arrangement.

So a couple of weeks ago, I found myself employing this guy's tactics to try and get my N ex to stop stalking me on my company's website (which he did for 3 solid months). So I actually tried to think like him (eck!) and it seems to have worked! I don't see him on my company stats anymore! What I did was this: I thought...hmmm...if I can't keep him from stalking our website (and perhaps thinking he would try to reconnect with me when he returns from the Middle East), I'll give him something to read on our website that will dissuade him from his reconnection plan. So, without referencing him at all, I tailored my bio on our site to convey my strength (because he's counting on me to be weak and susceptible to him) and I was completely dismissive of him (as if he never existed). Without getting into specifics, I did this in a way that no one else would be the wiser, but it would offend his narcisstic superiority and image of himself. I'm rather exited that this seems to have worked but at the same time disgusted that I had to think "like" him in order to manipulate him. Feels like a need a hot shower!