Ouch...

18 posts / 0 new

#1 Jul 22 - 2PM

rainbow1

Ouch...

He just text me that he loves me and thats why he keeps coming back to me. All I thought was "Wow". I have secretly been wanting him to say those words to me, but I didnt experience the reaction that I thought that I would. It actually hurt when he said this. It made me want to cry. I think that it is because I know that he doesnt mean it. And as badly as I want him to he will never mean it. Those words that are supposed to mean so much when you say them to someone dont mean anything to him. I see through him now. It is good because I realize that this is progress. But it really hurts and I got tears in my eyes for a brief second because I know it means nothing to him :(

#2 Jul 24 - 11AM

Lisa E. Scott

Rainbow

Good for you! The clarity you have now is amazing. Look how far you've come! I know it's still incredibly hard, but you have such a better perspective on things now that you understand his intentions. Keep up the good work. Progress is right! And remember, it's not about perfection, but progress. xoxo

#3 Jul 23 - 10AM

helldweller

Rainbow

You feel what we have all been seeing: progress. That's what matters. The tears are human nature. I still can't freaking believe someone could not love me but pretend to. I mean, it's normal to see someone for a month or two or three and think, I'm just not feeling it. But for someone to BE and NOT BE there for years and to keep lying about still feeling it: what can you do but cry? Thinking of and praying for you.

#4 Jul 23 - 6AM

ewa

It is quite normal reaction.

It is quite normal reaction. I also started to cry when i got the sms saying that he misses me. But you are right it means nothing. When i have answered him not to drag me back to hell he said that he thought i liked this hell, because he enjoyed it. If i answered him that i missed him too he would probably start the same game like before. This is how they are and will never change :(

#5 Jul 22 - 10PM

broken23

rainbow completely

rainbow completely understand. when i found out he was cheating...after a week when things got ugly, he kept saying i love you, everyone knows i love you. And i was a mess. I kept crying and screaming in public and telling him to stop saying that. It hurt so bad, it made me feel so sad, because it was such a abuse of the word. After 12 years, how can he cheat, lie, use me, and leave me and then still love me? I just wanted him to stop saying it...and actually be accountable and just say im a selfish asshole. You know he may very well love you in his sense of the word. Which is love at his convenience which is accompanied by a lot of lies and pain. But it will never be our definition of the word love. Youre a smart pretty girl and letting go is a process. This is one step in the right direction. Realizing that true love doesnt hurt. However reading your post, brought tears to my eyes too. Stay strong.

#6 Jul 22 - 11PM (Reply to #14)

rainbow1

Thank you broken

Thank you for caring! It is quite sad. I know that I am not completely NC and I know that is where I should be. I will get there in my own time. The only good thing about remaining in contact though is that I am seeing that he is a textbook N. Everything he says and does is a contradiction. His actions NEVER match his words. I can see through him. Other than what he said today, nothing really gets to me. While I still talk to him I am almost numb towards him too. And while I know that I am not NC yet I still see this as progress! Im moving forward!

_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

#7 Jul 22 - 7PM

NancyM

It is ouch alright.

When I went through the last stages with my N, I could not work out why, on trying to believe his lies, that my emotional pain increased. When I was trying to work out what was wrong with him/me, I could barely breathe. Emotional pain is exactly the same as physical pain. You need to start listening to what it is telling you. If you put your hand on a hot stove, and get burnt, you don't go back two days later and try it again do you? You don't think to yourself "gee it might not hurt this time" It's the same with emotional pain. The lion that bit you last time is not going to suddenly turn into a soft widdle purring puddy tat. Listen to what your pain is TELLING you.

Nevergoback

#8 Jul 22 - 3PM

WellRed

My Dear - you are so young

My Dear - you are so young and lovely. Don't let him steal the best years of your life from you. Don't be like me and look up at 47 and realize everything has been a lie.

#9 Jul 22 - 4PM (Reply to #11)

hopefuljms

WellRed

WellRed, I am sure the best years of your life are ahead of you. You are only 47 and the years ahead of you will be filled with truthful relationships now that you know what to look out for.

#10 Jul 22 - 3PM

ClusterF

As long as he can communicate with you

he will manipulate you. Then he will use your reactions to manipulate you even more. Text "I love you" to yourself. Or write it down on something you will see every day. Tape it to the front of your bank card. Get creative. It's amazing what seeing those words can do for you and it will be from YOU, not him. Just try it.

#11 Jul 22 - 2PM

awayfromhim

Why is he still able to send

Why is he still able to send you a text? Why are you allowing this?

#12 Jul 22 - 3PM (Reply to #2)

rainbow1

Because I am still at the

Because I am still at the early stages of NC and go back and forth. The longest Ive gone without talking to him was a week. I even blocked him from text but then he would just call and I eventually answered and eventually unblocked him. I am still working at this. I know that this is my fault and that I am allowing this. I just thought I would feel a different reaction to him saying this :(

_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

#13 Jul 23 - 5AM (Reply to #6)

awayfromhim

I know how hard things can

I know how hard things can be. I've mentioned before getting to the "why" of things. Think about why you are leaving communication open with him. Why? It appears that you are looking for validation, in my opinion. This happens alot. I stayed with mine for a very long time because I just could not validate that he was an N. Why? Because he had so many people that thought he was great. That there was something wrong with me that I didn't see that greatness. I was waiting for him to change back into the person I met and fell in love with. How could I want to divorce someone who was supposedly so great? He couldn't be the crazy one then. It was this circular thinking that kept me with him for a very long time. I'm not like others here to say "it's ok" nor am I one to chastise for having this happen. I'm more the type to ask the person to think about what it is they're looking for when what they are doing is hurting themselves. Dependent on the "why" of it, you may end up waiting a very long time until you understand because with an N, there are many, many things you may never get.

#14 Jul 23 - 11AM (Reply to #7)

rainbow1

The why

I think that the why is because I felt like I lost a best friend when he left. We have so much in common, even if he is only pretending. We like the same activities, the same foods, we have the same friends, etc. So I guess I like talking to him and thats why I havent gone totally NC yet. When he says stuff like he loves me and misses me I quickly change the subject to one of our friends or something else. I am trying not to talk about "us" and just focus on a friendship.

_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

#15 Jul 23 - 1PM (Reply to #8)

Amy

remember rainbow

A true friend would not do what he did to you. Mine always said he felt like he lost his best friend when we broke up. I finally told him none of my friends ever hurt me like that!

#16 Jul 22 - 4PM (Reply to #3)

better off

Well perhaps the reaction

Well perhaps the reaction you are feeling is the truth. And yes, OUCH, the truth hurts. And at least other people reading can see that even GETTING them to say these words does NOT make you feel better. Nothing about them can make you feel better. Keeping them around does not make you feel better. Telling them off does not make you feel better. Having them profess love does not make you feel better. They are made of poison. There is no way to take poison and feel good. This guy is a total loser and a dangerous one too. The most important three words in the English language are NOT "I love you." They are Ignore, Ignore, Ignore.â„¢ When you really DO go NC, you will eventually find that you do not WANT this person to love you. You don't want anything from some sick jerk that is beneath you.

#17 Jul 22 - 4PM (Reply to #4)

rainbow1

betteroff

You are right. Even though I am still in contact with him I know what he is now. The blinders are off and there is no turning back.

_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

#18 Jul 22 - 9PM (Reply to #5)

tsuris2

rainbow

from what I understand to a Narcissit love is a word - nothing else - a word they use when they want something from you dont you deserve better

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