To A Narc, Image IS Reality

The narcissist is a gifted image maker. He/she has practiced his craft since childhood, learning how to present the perfect impression that will move others to hold him in awe. If he is very bright, he startles others with his extraordinary intellectual powers. If he/she is handsome or stunningly beautiful, these external gifts are used to attract maximum attention and draw others to him. Eventually, this attractive outer appearance will be used to control and manipulate others.

"Image is not reality. Yet today it appears to project great power...People are judged more than ever by the external package that they create and how it is received by others."

Even those who are not narcissistic often get caught up in the aesthetic fever of external perfection. There are endless commercials and ads, demonstrating how a person can appear to become twenty years younger in minutes by applying a cream or injecting a fluid. Instantaneous youthfulness is the promise of beauty industries that are making billions of dollars each year.

Narcissists take the perfection of image to the extreme. The narcissist is ever vigilant of the impression he is making, especially when he planning to dazzle someone who will assist his climb to the highest rungs of professional and social status. Narcissists are constantly perfecting their elaborate facades. This includes personal appearance, luxurious possessions, elegant homes, highly attractive spouses and partners.

For many individuals their sense of value is measured by their achievements in the world. For the narcissist, it is the perception of their excellence that matters. There is no greater cheer leader or public relations representative, touting these accomplishments (often embellished or fabricated) than the narcissist himself.

Most narcissists skim the surface of life, choosing the glitter of public adulation and a bow at center stage over the development of deeper inner awareness and compassion. There are many individuals who enjoy great success in the world and at the same time, grow in consciousness and extend their generosity to the well being of others. The narcissist, for all his worldly achievements, is ultimately alone: unable to contribute to or participate in the miraculous web of life that binds us to one another.

Linda Martinez-Lewi holds a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and is a licensed marriage family therapist. She has extensive clinical training in narcissistic and borderline disorders. Dr. Linda Martinez-Lewi is the author of the book "Freeing Yourself From the Narcissist in Your Life."