Having a moment.....

I don't know about a kick in the ass :P I'm thinking more that you are remembering with PTSD like razor sharp memory a SERIOUS trauma. A legitimately horrible loss of control, and an overwhelming betrayal by someone you thought was supposed to love you. And the damned mindf*ck of it all :( You may have lost control of yourself. It is a crushing experience, humiliating. But don't add his bullshit onto it. He's a narc. He's a disturbed human being. He couldn't find his butt with both hands and a flashlight. He's nuttier than a Port a Potty at a peanut festival (that's what my gramma would say). He's the LAST PERSON on planet Earth with the right or privilege to lay blame on YOU. For anything. You were traumatized terribly that night hon. Talk to yourself about it. Imagine walking in that room with the two of you that day and telling your exN "The real sheriff is back in town!" and giving yourself a hug, leading yourself out to a safer day, like you would for a friend :)

What an ASS!! You know, logically, that you didn't do anything wrong. It really sucks when our emotions take over, doesn't it? He's poison, and he poisoned you. I don't really know what to tell you, because you're strong and you know the truth and don't need any advice from me, but think of the story you'll be able to tell your grandkids or some other bunch of people when you get older about what a jerk he was. Although, really, I'd just try and get over it. He is such a dumbass. I'm adding him to my "list."

Stayingstrong78, I think that at times, we all act a little hypocritical. The recovery is such a roller coaster, when we are up, there is someone else that is down and vice-versa. It's hard to stay on track, especially when healing is so complicated. Calling the cops?!! Talk about overreacting! If someone called the cops on me for NOTHING and it was supposed to be the person that I loved, I know that I would be feeling like you. Especially if you have always been a person that had integrity. It's almost like he is dragging your good name through mud. What a wuss! You provide so much encouragment and solid advice. You deserve a good cry. :)

Oh, I'm so sorry you're having a rough day. Everyone is right. He only did this to manipulate the situation to protect himself - his ass, nothing more. You see, they don't think beyond themselves. They're incapable of doing this so they do whatever they think it takes to protect themself, regardless of who it hurts. He would do this to anyone. I'm sorry you had to endure it though. Like everyone said, cry it out, feel the pain, channel your anger, release guilt and let go. You can do this!!!!

I have always asked myself what *I* did wrong, and if I pushed him away. I had had that creep up on me over the last 2 weeks. It is a horrible feeling. What helped me is that I made a list of what would be positive and what would be negative about staying with him. I came up with 8 positives, and 55 negatives!!! The positives were things like his dad, financially stable, etc. Try making a list like that - you will see you did nothing wrong! Hugs!

youre words are always inspiring to me so i feel so bad that you are crying. first i get. my n called the police on me too and other people thought it was funny because nothing happened BUT that wasnt the point nothing happened. i was humiliated. And i could not believe someone i loved call the police on me. you know why because i checked his email?!? he said it was a invasion of privacy!!! i WAS so pissed at this point, that i called him again, even though i was scared b/c hes so arrogant and at this point i risked getting a stalking charge. but im was too pissed to care i wanted to know what he was thinking so i called at work where he couldnt avoid me and had to be normal. when i heard him he said exactly that "i was trying to protect myself". honestly then i was so infuriated b/c i was like protect himself from what?!? he thought i would send emails out or humiliate him...here i was crying over he cheated. they honestly think everyone thinks like them. he thought i was out to get him or some crap. with you too. he was just concerned about himself. he thought ohh if shes hysterical and tells someone i can get in trouble. why not call the cops myself so im protected. thats all it was!! it wasnt about you...it was about him!! we have had the privelege to have extra coward and absurd narcs, staying strong cry it out and then let it go. he is extremely retarded. you know it. and you know you arent crazy. and thats all that matters.

Yeah, I get like this too but it's not near as bas as it was. I've said to my therapist "WHEN am I gonna stop crying?" and she says "when you're done." I ask "how LONG is this stupid recovery gonna take?" and she says "it will last until you're ready to finish". I feel like my therapist took lessons from Yoda. Ns put some big hurt on us normal people. I don't think a kick in the ass is the remedy though. I think you just have to cry it out…until you're done. :-)

He got in there first with the angry thing, and was SO manipulative that he called the police so it looked like you were angry because he KNOWS it's him, he's trying to protect himself, he's acting out the next step ahead of you. He knows the next step ahead of you because this is how he lives, he's done this before with other women. It's all a cunning manipulative game to him, he's sly, vindictive, manipulative, dangerous....... well, he's a narcissist abuser.

even if it wasn't your fault. I have crying jags myself still! Feel what you're feeling and, when you can, move on. I give myself a limited amount of time to cry and then force myself to fight it. Looking back, which I really hate to do, there were times when I was crying so hard and NEEDED to be comforted but my N did nothing. If anything, I was made to feel crazy and Fatal Attraction psychotic. Remembering those times is what keeps me going. I would never want to spend my life with someone who couldn't comfort me, especially when their mistakes were the cause of my grief. Hang in there.

That's what my friends said to me for MONTHS after my ExN called the cops on me... You know I feel your pain on this one. I was trying to have an adult conversation with my ExN and he was cold, distant & full of arrogance when he called the cops on me. I was heartbroken, in tears & humiliated. I know your heart is feeling pain right now, but your gut must be telling you that it was absolutely ludicrous for him to call the cops on you. Your heart will catch up... its going to take time. In the meantime, feel the pain! Shed those tears. You must go THROUGH those emotions and do not apologize for feeling badly. Every tear is a reminder that you are human and not an emotionless robot.