Feel broken, please help :-(

They are cowards alright. Mine did not even have the balls to tell me goodbye. I laid down one day to take a nap cuz I had a horrible headache and when I got up after a couple of hours, him and his stuff was gone. Nice way to say goodbye after 6 years, huh ??

I have often wondered what happened to you. I remember your story very well. Seems a bad situation just got worse. Didn't seem possible. But, here we all are. This N -- this boss man. You cannot be friends with him. Ns always keep everything "vague" so they can keep on coming back when it suits them. You never know, your N may be busy elsewhere right now. Way back when . . . you wrote that you gave notice & had a new job away from N. Did that work out? Stay away from the N at all costs. The loss of your husband to a divorce & an identity crisis is way too much. And then the deaths in the family. Plus your illness. It's all so overwhelming. Please, leave the N alone. You have suffered so much loss, you are so vulnerable, the N will only exploit you. And will give nothing in return, only take & take & take. Far better to be alone with a cat than to be sucked dry by a vampire N. (I remember he's married & from another culture with tight & extended families. Dude's never gonna be there for you.)

Wow. You have been through ALOT. I am so sorry for the loss of your dad. Well, like everyone else said, this will pass. It just takes time. No quick fix, unfortunately. As far as feeling rejected. I know that feeling, we all do here. Please just remember that that has nothing to do with you. That is just what N's do. And your ex husband, like herlatestvictim said, was gay long before you came into the picture. 3 months no contact is something to be very proud of. But it is still a short period so try not to be hard on yourself. You are going to have these painful feelings for awhile. There will be bad days and better days. All i can say is just feel the pain, continue therapy, journalling, coming here and whatever else you find helpful. Thinking of you and sending positive vibes your way:) xoxo

However, I remember VIVIDLY that it doesn't feel that way when you are in the middle of feeling abandoned and rejected. Somethings I truly believe: - your husband was gay long before you. It is no reflection on you. - Your N is exhibiting CLASSIC N behavior and characteristics. Text book, just like mine! Please try to remember, it's not you. It's him and his NPD. They abandon, they disappear emotionally, they don't feel things like normal people. It is a mental illness and you cannot change it. It also really helped me to realize that you will never return to the initial phase that drew you in. That was not real.. it was a trick to lure you in. I feel for you and I wish you the best. It will hurt less but it takes a lot of time.

can feel your pain....i lost my father bon january,mother in july tear 2006.....heard i had diabrtes and high blood pressure,lost a lot of weight,met my ex N who told me i was a present sent from heaven withg my ability to cope and fight for what i want,then D&D set in..(please read my story)Plays mind games with me,emotionall abuse,tells me he is gay,then he is not...his 15 year old daughter goes to the police he had abused.....Like i said i can relate to you....I am 54 this all happenned a year and 8 moths ago....I think i have an idea how you feel...hughs....All things must pass...And like John Lennon says instant karma is gonna get you....That is all i want for all our ex N's

CCape, This is horrifying. You have been though a lot and its no wonder your broken inside. You have come to the right place. You have friends here that understand and support you. We all have storys but the bottom line is our common ground and that is we are victims of abuse. I really hope you stay with us and meet some good friends here that will help you through all of this. Feel free to get my email from Lisa if you wanna chat.....xoxoxo

Oh, my heart aches for you right now. You have been through so much. I'm so sorry for the loss of your father. Anyone would be reeling right now after going through what you have. Please don't call yourself stupid. That is the worst thing you can do right now. You must treat yourself with loving kindness and be patient. It is going to hurt for awhile. You are going to experience pain, but just remember, pain is temporary. Don't avoid the pain, work through the pain. If you avoid it, it will come up later. Grieve, mourn, hit a pillow, scream into a pillow, whatever you need to do, just stay away from him! I found this article interesting: Hurt - Bitterness - Injustice - Abused ­ Pain) We feel emotional pain when we do not get what we want, need, or expect. We might feel hurt, rejection, bitterness, abuse, injustice or simply emotional pain. In such cases, we have not received the behavior or outcomes we expected or believed we deserved. We feel this kind of feel pain in cases when * people * do not behave to us in the ways that we had expected as well as in situations where * life * does not give us what we feel we need or deserve. We believe, "I cannot feel happy unless I get that which I believe I need." We have associated our security, satisfaction, self-worth or freedom with something that we are not getting from persons, society, God, or life as a whole. Some examples might be when: 1. Others lie to or deceive us. 2. They do not support us when we need them. 3. They reject or criticize us. 4. We fail at some task, which we feel that we should have succeeded at. 5. We loose a loved one. 6. Our loved one shows preference to another. 7. People important to us do not show us the respect we expect. 8. Others do harm to us or our loved ones. 9. We are accused of doing or saying something we did not do. 10. When are falsely suspected of having ulterior motives. 11. "Friends" gossip about us behind our backs. 12. We are not given the raise of promotion we believe we deserve at work. 13. Others do not keep their agreements with us. 14. We are robbed. 15. We lose our fortune in some way. You can add many more situations in which we feel hurt because we have not received the respect, love, affection, loyalty, truth, kindness and justice that we were expecting. *** Positive Alternatives to Feeling Hurt *** Positive alternatives to feeling hurt, bitterness and injustice could be: 1. * We can have Faith * in divine wisdom and justice. We are all in a process of evolution and nothing can happen to us, which is not exactly what we need in order to learn our next lesson. So rather than be overwhelmed by negative feelings, we can seek to discover what we can learn through this experience. Our lessons usually have to do with discovering the strength, security and self-worth, which are within us. As souls in the process of evolution, we are constantly being directed to contact and bring to the surface our spiritual self. This means realizing that we are whole within and can feel safe, worthy and fulfilled regardless of what is happening around us. Thus, every event which might cause us to feel pain is also a great opportunity to contact our inner spiritual self and move on and beyond this pain. 2. We are the sole creators of our reality. We as souls create our reality through: a. Our past choices, thoughts, words and actions. b. Our present conscious and subconscious beliefs, feelings and needs. c. The lessons we have chosen to learn at this stage of our evolutionary process. d. How we subjectively interpret what is happening. Thus others are simply actors in the scenarios of our life the script of which we have written. We can create a happier reality by: a. Transforming our conscious and subconscious beliefs. b. Learning our life lessons. c. Interpreting events in a different way ­ as opportunities for growth rather than as injustices. http://www.shyunited.com/id57.html

Like Scoop, I read your post completely aghast by the terrible events in such a short time. I was overwhelmed by my situation and it pales in comparison to yours. I hope you have one genuine friend or family member you can lean on as I think you need that more than anything right now. Even if you have to dig one up from the past that was a 'real' friend you need someone in person that you can trust to help you start taking care of yourself. Being as damaged and vulnerable as we all are, dating is a terrible idea. It completely diverts attention away from focusing on taking care of ourselves and opens the door for being victimized again and again. You already have shown incredible strength in saying 'no' to the ex's offer and in coming here for help. Please start focusing on what is going to take care of you. With MS, exercise is very important and is good for the soul as well. You are not alone.

Welcome aboard honey, I must say...WOW, anybody would be feeling broken after that lot, especially in a short space of time. You poor thing, it must feel like the whole world just got dumped on your head. Firstly, stop calling yourself stupid. When life starts spinning out of control like yours has, it is perfectly ordinary to try to do everything possible to try to put the ship the right way up. Sometimes in retrospect it is easy to see the futility of it, but hindsight is a wonderful thing though does not serve us when we need it. As for bad choices as a way of escaping, that is so common too and it is so easy to want to escape. For me it was drinking. Though I never drank every day or even during the day, when I did it was total wipe out, and I actually enjoyed the hangover because it meant I didn't have to think.(Probably could do with a replacement liver if the truth be known) You need help to deal with all this trauma you have gone through, and make no mistake about it, it is intense trauma. You need care and attention, and you need that from professional help and from yourself. The first thing I would suggest is to not date at all for the time being, because you are in a fragile state, no good will come of it. You are not worthless, you have just been through a terrible ordeal and I understand how awful your pain is. Firstly you must start to look after YOU. The rest will come later. Are you in therapy? Keep posting to the board, there is usually someone not too far away to respond as we are from all over. Hang in there, you are not alone. Many ((HUGS))

Oh you poor thing , seriously read youre post open mouthed.. anyone would be flatterned with just one of theses event happening but all in a short space of time it is abosolutly no wonder you feel over whelmed . Firstly im so sorry for the loss of youre father , such a terrible shock for you . You totaly did the right thing by saying NO to youre narc , there is no such thing as "friends"with a narc . Youre husband ran off when you got sick , this happens sooo many times it is horrible way to react .. Keep checking in dueing the day as the girls will be on line as the day goes on and they will have some great advice for you ... i will write more but i have to go to work , i just thought i would write quickly to say you are not alone and you are at the right place xx Big Love to you ..Scoop x