Sarah you need professional help and reality check
Sarah,
Right now you are confused because he played with you and knocked you way off balance. He played you. That's what they do. He needed supply and he got it and now he is off again.
He knows he is once again in control. If he wanted to be with you for the long haul, you wouldn't be going through this, would you? This is not love on any level. He IS a narc.
What he did was intentional. Where you "caved" was breaking no contact and agreeing to see him. Once in is presence, you didn't stand a chance. No one would without some pretty advance mental tools and even then, you would come away shaken.
It is how they keep others under their spell. That is why it is critical to maintain NO CONTACT. You've read what others have posted on this thread. It takes nothing for them to work their mindfu$%k and put you in a tailspin.
Get some professional help ASAP. You can do this!!
It is important for you to get some help ASAP. You are at peak PTSD and Cognitive Dissonance. Your brain chemistry is all over the place. It will pass but will take some time to subside.
Here are some suggestions - in no particular order. Ask yourself which one resonates:
1) Do you have someone you can call to actually come over and spend time with you that you trust? Who would that be?
2)Are you working with a therapist? If so, call ASAP to see if they can at least talk to you tonight and then get an appointment for tomorrow. If not, call around tomorrow until you find someone to meet with you.
3)There are plenty of hotlines you can call to speak with someone right away. Google it or check you phone book.
4)Take out a sheet of paper. List all the bad things that he has done to you. You need to end the confusion going on in your head. By focusing on the truth, you will be able to calm yourself down.
5)Focus on your breathing. Bring your attention to the area forms a triangle under your chest but before your stomach. You can go to Sandra Brown's website and download her e-book called maintaining mindfullness to get a description of the exercises that will help you combat the obsessive thinking you have swirling in your head and reduce your anxiety.
6)If you are on any meds, be sure to take them.
7) Watch something funny. It is impossible to feel anxious and laugh at the same time. This will also shift your perspective and give you some time to process. Then tomorrow you can come up with a longer term plan.
If none of the above works or meets your need, you will need to seek immediate attention and should not hesitate to do so.
Hang in there. You will get through this.
He sounds like a right typical shitty narc to me. He's making excuses for your relationship not to work, because he's avoiding intimacy and he can't make any relationship work because he isn't big enough to deal with his disorder and change. He's making up excuses saying we're bad for each other so he can be distant. He hasn't got the guts to be honest and say "I can't love, I can't be happy, I can't be human because I'm so disordered" He a nasty evil game playing, coward narc, end of. He can't have a relationship, he's not capable and NEVER will be.
Sarah....this seems to be happening a lot lately...
I don't think you are the only one who has been going through this in the last few weeks. It seems several of us have been. NC for many weeks or months and then sucked right back in, only to be D&D'd yet again, and at record speed. I wish I knew what was causing this pattern that so many of us are experiencing at this particular time.
Last weekend, I was ready to check myself into the hospital, too. I was all alone, in clinical shock at his grand and very unexpected "return" after 11 weeks of NC (which I imposed) and his very shocking news. I was practically catatonic last weekend and don't even remember much of the entire last week. I seriously, seriously considered checking into a hospital. I ended up going to my family doctor, who knows about my PTSD and "close encounter of a third kind" with a psychopath and my therapist I am seeing. He very kindly prescribed me a mild sedative of which I can take 1/4 (like at work and still function but be calm) or a whole tablet (which I have not yet attempted, not even at bedtime). So far they are keeping me calm and my thoughts and emotions under control. Thank God for my doctor.
Sarah...do what you have to do for YOU. I still question whether or not making the decision to NOT check myself into the hospital was the right one but I am functioning right now and, for now, I am okay thanks to the meds. It helps to have a therapist and family doctor know about the destructiveness of an N/P in someone's life.
Sarah...please keep posting and let us know how you are doing. You are NOT alone. Please believe me on that one. Others of us are in the exact same place. We must stick together and support one another and give each other encouragement and strength.
Sarah you need professional help and reality check
It's time to get serious help Sarah
He sounds like a right
Ending the dance
Sarah....this seems to be happening a lot lately...