THE PINNACLE OF BLAME THE VICTIM..........

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#1 May 15 - 7AM

Anonymous (not verified)

THE PINNACLE OF BLAME THE VICTIM..........

this has got to be it..the very peak of the Mount Everest of BLAME THE VICTIM MENTALITY....

Rache had a reading from the psychic who over two years ago located my stolen car and the psycho who stole it from me.....

something has happened in the last two years...the psychic herself has fallen victim to the CULT OF SERIAL FORGIVENESS...and now of course...EVERYTHING hinges on FORGIVING EVERYONE for EVERYTHING....it's CRUCIAL to our spiritual growth......

so.....Rache made the mistake of asking her if she thought my life would improve with the death of that drunken orange pile of steaming shit.......

and.......she said.......'she will never prosper until she lets go of her ANGER and HATRED of mike....until she FORGIVES him, she will never prosper'.....not only THAT...she went on to say that I AM KEEPING THE PSYCHOPATH'S SPIRT EARTHBOUND!!...yep!!..i'm RESPONSIBLE for THAT too!...I AM KEEPING HIM A GHOST BY NOT RELEASING HIM TO THE LIGHT BY FORGIVING HIM!!...i was foaming at the mouth!!

that ALL crawled my ass like cheap underwear!!...THIS IS BULLSHIT....so i fired her off an email...CHALLENGING her MAGICAL THINKING and fairy dust PSYCHOSIS......

and said....'really?...if that's true...then just how is it that for YEARS i had a BOOMING BUSINESS...made LOTS OF MONEY...had a BEAUTIFUL COUNTRY HOME...nice cars...good credit...and tons of other stuff...ALL WHILE HATING HIS GUTS AN WISHING HIM DEAD?...AND...if my anger and hatred is keeping that piece of shit from going to the light...GREAT...although i believe it just might have been his LIFE OF UNREPENTANT DEBAUCHERY that is keeping him from the light...ya think?.......

she responded with.....'FORGIVENESS of others is the key to happiness'......to which i responded with something along the lines of 'pound Fairy dust up your ass'......

this is INSANITY........
so......I'M TO BLAME....it's not because HE destroyed MY life...nope......I'M TO BLAME...for not FORGIVING him for destroying my life....i guess if i'd just FORGIVE HIM..all of a sudden i'd be sitting in my old life.....like in BEWITCHED...twitch of the nose..wave of the wand...a little serial FORGIVENESS and i'd be GOOD TO GO!!...

and i HOPE i have something to do with that bastard dragging his chains for all eternity!......i WISH......

oh...before the 'pound fairy dust up you ass' email...i also told her that he had appeared to several people...some of whom barely knew him...and she had a quick pat bullshit answer for THAT too......
he's been drawn to them for their 'energy' most likely NEGATIVE energy...which well all need to rid ourselves of...in order to PROSPER........BULLSHIT...so i said...'then how come he's not lingering around the DURACELL BATTERY KIOSK AT WALMART?'.....

i'm gonna SNAP....and when i do.....i'm heading for a renaissance fair........

#2 May 17 - 7AM

narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)

FAKING FORGIVENESS, SUSAN32?

"There's nothing like fake forgiveness to make the heart feel good. It was nice to let off the steam... to give a piece of my mind... and not care about how he felt." FAKING forgiveness makes you feel good????... â€œI do not bring forgiveness with me, nor forgetfulness. The only ones who can forgive are dead; the living have no right to forget." - Chaim Herzog

#3 May 17 - 10AM (Reply to #23)

Susan32

His feelings were fake...

My ex-N's "niceness" was all an act. He couldn't appreciate honesty and REAL feelings. If I REALLY had wanted to forgive him, I would've done it to his face. Usually, when I forgive people, they apologize to me IN PERSON. Faking forgiveness to a Narc FEELS GOOD... they have NO FEELINGS... stop humanizing Narcs!

#4 May 17 - 1PM (Reply to #24)

Barbara (not verified)

Susan32

I have been holding back telling you this but now I have had so many complaints I have to... Susan - YOU JUST GOT HERE... please stop ADVISING others. You are in NO POSITION TO DO SO. From what I see of your story - you liked a Narc, he didn't like you back, he was engaged... is that right? Did he do ANYTHING to lead you on? you are not SHARING YOUR PAIN - you are speaking with authority you simply do not have. You are parroting me, and parroting others... as if you have some sort of superior knowledge here. You keep talking 'out of the sides of your mouth' and it's more than annoying... it's triggering. you don't... you haven't been on this board or in the healing cycle long enough. You clearly haven't learned enough. You seem to have a deep need to be an "expert", to feel important, to feel needed. And not in a healthy way. Support is one thing, proclamations are another. STOP IT. ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller

#5 May 17 - 7PM (Reply to #34)

Susan32

I'm sorry

Again, I'm sorry I've been sanctimonious. I didn't intend to be triggering. I'll spend more time on this board reading than posting. I'm not superior to everyone here; there are people who have suffered worse. As for the "leading on",well, my experience with my ex-N culminated in the D&D... and with public humiliation. Not the way a NORMAL HUMAN would've handled it. Totally vacant, emotionless eyes. No remorse. I felt degraded;I told a friend that I felt used. I'm sorry I've been "triggering." That's unfair of me, and I cannot justify that. I won't make excuses for my actions. I've been wrong, and I apologize.

#6 May 17 - 3PM (Reply to #25)

Jessika (not verified)

Susan32

I must say- I am in full support of Barbara with her post to you. I also find it highly inappropriate to see an individual new to an environment (this board) and repeatedly read the sophomoric and often contradictory advice you give to the members. I am not sure if you are aware of the significant intelligence level of the ladies of this board-- however it is quite high!! I'm not necessarily talking about their careers-- these are smart women in general. When you offer advice it is almost always divulging your lack of knowledge in the area of NPD. It's ok not to have knowledge in this area. However, when a person is ignorant of a subject, they have to be OPEN to learn... not the one who is talking the MOST about it. Right!?!?!?! Not to mention... when a person is new to an environment it is inappropriate to jump in a leadership position... as in, the main one to respond to everyone's post 'giving advice.' To discuss and share pain is one thing... offer advice telling people how to fell, etc is not ok-- particularly with next to no expertise to back it up. Ok? I'll let you in on something-- I'm a neuropsychologist (not saying that to try to pull rank/ be arrogant ... just telling you bc it will help you know the audience you are 'informing' and offering advice to)- but anyway, EVEN as a neuropsychologist i NEVER gave advice to a single member on this board until only perhaps about 4 mths ago and I have been on this board since July 2009. For 5 months these ladies were my support... I listened... I formed relationships here. I didn't tell anyone what I thought they should do.... I almost ALWAYS asked them about the intense feelings I was going through.. heck I still do! I respect their knowledge, bc I know they have the best knowledge around. Some of them have been with narcs for years and hence know the pain... know the disorder. You are severely underestimating your audience, here. So- even though I have a Ph.D --- I didn't give advice, bc 1) it's not appropriate to come someplace and take up an advising position- it's not socially appropriate, 2) I was in a LOT of pain and knew I could LEARN from the ladies here.... I knew they had a lot to teach me and I wanted to know what they knew and 3) luckily I never had a need to be in control or get attention for being a know it all. Hope you get it... we welcome you here. But you obviously have a lot to learn about NPD--- it is clear in most of your posts. It is either significantly far below what we already know OR just plain wrong. I tried to say that to you very gently last night in a post, however rather than 'get it' you simply changed your position to the opposite. So all I could do was shake my head. I'm not trying to be harsh with you-- it's just that when you are moving through the healing process, you don't want to "feel" one of the members is totally out in left field and not really in tune with the rest. It's distracting. Susan- this is a great place to learn :o). If you truly are in pain... then this place will be wonderful and we'll be sure you get what you need.... whatever you ask of us. HOWEVER- If you are trying to get some kind of attention fix-- well expect to be called on it, bc we don't have time for that! I know I don't and that behavior certainly will annoy me.

#7 May 17 - 7PM (Reply to #27)

Susan32

I'm here to learn

I'll be doing more reading than posting here in the future. I've found Barbara's blog helpful. It wasn't simply a case of "I liked a guy, he didn't reciprocate, he was engaged"---it was the whole D&D process. There was also emotional abuse throughout the "relationship." The red flags were all there. My friends saw them. It was a traumatizing experience. The game-playing, the deception... a NORMAL HUMAN would've mentioned he already had a girlfriend if he were with a woman who seemed interested. I still I can't believe I put up with the emotional abusiveness for 4 years. It wasn't the nightmare that some of the people here are trying to survive. I'm still trying to process it. While I have found a friendly older man, I'm trying to "feel him out" (we're at the "just friends" stage),I don't want to go through that Hell again. I don't want to waste my time- and my tears- on a man who doesn't respect me.

#8 May 17 - 8PM (Reply to #28)

better off

Can you explain what

Can you explain what happened before the D&D? How did he lure you, and how did he lead you on? What did he do to make you feel like you were special, even if it wasn't in so many words? What things did he do to get you to finally profess feelings that he then acted like he didn't want? Mine was on full-court press to get me in love with him and then when I finally gave in to the last of my reservations he was done with me.

#9 May 17 - 8PM (Reply to #29)

Susan32

Okay, let me explain...

How it all began... my ex-N was incredibly handsome guy, and he lured me by telling me something he didn't tell anyone else:he was writing a book about Wittgenstein and Augustine. I decided to tell my friends. He got mad, interrogated my friends, and badmouthed me as crazy. Turned out it was "crazy-making." An early red flag. He and I went to concerts together, lectures together, out to lunch (OK, I'd get my own lunch, but he'd critique my portions and food choices, also was VERY PROUD of his vegetarianism,and mocked meat-eaters who'd come down with mad cow disease) He DID make me feel special. He'd flatter my writing. He'd act as if he were in awe of my intellect. He said I "baffled him constantly." He said things I wanted to hear. He'd pour out his feelings to me. He talked about his sense of inferiority A LOT. I'd always be there to encourage him, to tell him he was smart, etc. In my junior year, I suspected something was bothering him;he denied it (the body language said otherwise) I asked him (in subtle ways) if he had a girlfriend. He'd get evasive. I almost stopped having lunch with him, spending time with him--I wasn't going to spend time with a guy with whom I was smitten who was already taken. He said YES,he wanted to have lunch with me, and when it came to my papers, I didn't have to go anyone else but him. He attempted the isolation trick--he couldn't stand my friends, but he didn't provide a viable alternative. It's not like he had a circle of friends to introduce me to. But yes, he did try Isolation. Then senior year came... I declared my feelings, and I got the major D&D. He'd lecture me, berate me, reduce me to tears in front of my friends (your post about "treating women like children like Mommy's Little Man"--so spot on) And then 3 months later... I meet the OW from LA. The utter humiliation. It wasn't enough to reduce me to tears, it wasn't enough to leave me feeling rejected and disappointed--no,he had to show me the OW--who looked like a taller, older version of me with glasses. My friends' perspective: They didn't like him. They thought he had me brainwashed. They didn't like how I'd go from being cheerful with them to being "serious" with him. One of my friends (recently wed) called him the Devil,and that he was "punishing me for being human." Another friend said that my ex-N was "using me to LOOK HUMAN." My friends were the ones looking out for me.

#10 May 18 - 1AM (Reply to #30)

wallaby (not verified)

While it seems your N was an N

it doesn't appear you were a primary target for him - or else your feelings were so strong for him, that he didn't need to do much to get some additional easy but not primary supply from you. My N has a similar, but more professionally successful background (an arrogant academic but published extensively), and while I very much admired his body of work - and hired him as speaker for an event (which was how I met him) - He then ACTIVELY and RELENTLESSLY pursued a romantic relationship with me. I think that is a qualitative difference many of us sense in your experience. Being in love with an N, versus being TARGETED by an N - it is different. In some sense ANYONE who gets close to an N will be damaged, but it feels like you had a little more choice and less brainwashing than a lot of us had. Mine took many weeks on the phone with me, calling me daily, reading his poetry and "buttering me up" about his attraction to me, my body, my mind, my intelligence, how I "understood" him etc to the point where finally I would engage in the phone sex HE initiated. After many, many hours of this and his proclamations that we were perfect soulmates and IF ONLY he wasn't married to his cold, rejecting wife of 30 years we WOULD BE TOGETHER. Such obvious luring an brainwashing. When, out of guilt I stopped the phone sex, told him I wouldn't "go there" anymore and i only wanted to have a friendship - he still kept up the pursuit (and still does). He asked me to and paid for me to fly across country to see him. He D and D'd me the first time there - once he knew he had me - something about my flying there to see him was what he needed to know he had emotionally "sealed the deal" even though I refused to be sexual with him until he was available - all the time thinking he might love me enough that it would "work out" (ha!). This was when he he took the lid off his cruelty and began with the scathing comments and arguments, putting me down, laughing at my stupidity, telling me I was "misunderstanding" him - Yet he asked/asks me on dates all the time - concerts, lectures, romantic dinners, sunset hikes etc - Every time he is in town (he lives across the country)I am the first and often the only person he sees. I say this as it seems that while your N enjoyed your supply and playing D and D games to get his jollies as it was convenient - you were on campus and so was he - and you were "smitten" - he never put you through the full N Lure and brainwash. I was reduced to tears in public (and private) often - as many of us are. But he never laid a finger one me (yes N "accidents" like ripping some hair out "by mistake", slamming hand in doors "by accident", tripping me on stairs which he found so amusing...). But I compare my situation to most women here and I feel so grateful it wasn't worse. It COULD HAVE been and MIGHT HAVE been if I didn't read and read and read here and come to understand who and what he is. It is clear you have been messed up by this relationship, but the degree to which he targeted and went after you is unclear. Through all my time with N, like you, I felt painfully in love - but they were feelings which he ACTIVELY created - me wanting to be with him, and being led to believe that he could and might leave his wife etc. He went so far as to tell me he suspected she would die soon (as she had fought breast cancer adn he "knew" it would be back) and it would afford us the freedom to finally act on our love. I was TARGETED in a big way and it really f'd me up. I was not a present mother for my children for two years and I ended up on med's to control my crying and anxiety. It took me a long time, MANY therapy sessions (which I still am in) and finally being on this board to sort it out. And my experience in NOTHING next to many women on this board - if not most. Mine did not destroy my life. I THANK God I didn't sleep with him now. I THANK GOD he is married and lives so far away as I only deal with him on a writing project we are in together. Dealing with mild abuse, criticism and being rejected by an N is painful - and I don't mean to minimize that you have been hurt, but take a while to wrap your mind around the living hell most of these women suffer through by being the predators' main prey. I was the target mouse and got scuffed up, a little bloody, and scared by his toying with me, but I managed to get away. Most of these women have been and are being eviscerated. .

#11 May 18 - 9AM (Reply to #31)

Susan32

Thanks for explaining that

As I've said before, I didn't go through some of the horrific abuse that people have gone through here. My ex-N didn't try to ruin me financially, he didn't abuse me physically, he didn't kill a pet... and I'm thankful I didn't get physically involved (I often had to tell my friends that my ex-N and I were NOT having sex) A friend noted that my ex-N ENJOYED it that I was in love with him... provided that I wasn't honest with him. When I found out about the OW from LA, he did still act "interested" in me (like sitting at the computer right next to me at the library when there were PLENTY of available ones).... so I ignored him. I think if I had gone further with my ex-N,it could've been A LOT worse. I read that Narcs get WORSE with marrying and having kids--and he did both with my lookalike. What I went through was bad, but there are truly horrific stories here. Ns can really mess people up... and that they don't care... that's the chilling part...

#12 May 18 - 10AM (Reply to #32)

wallaby (not verified)

It's not that

they just "don't care" about ruining someone's life... in as far as they notice what they've done....they ENJOY it.

#13 May 18 - 3PM (Reply to #33)

Susan32

That's the truly sick part

It was my friend Chris (recently married, send him positive vibes his way) who observed from the get-go that my ex-N ENJOYED hurting my feelings (that was in response to the Wittgenstein incident) and called him the Devil. It was Chris who wisely said,"He's punishing you for being human." And as others have observed on this board (and rightly so),my ex-N was a psychopath. Not the murderer/criminal/San Quentin type... but still psycho. There's something diabolical and sick about that.

#14 May 17 - 7PM (Reply to #26)

Susan32

Again, I'm sorry

That is all I have to say.

#15 May 16 - 11PM

helldweller

Blaming you for his ghost

All I can say is, OMG.With my N ex-husband I used to think, "I'd kill him, but he'll haunt me because he won't be able to get his ghostly claws out of me." What a b*tch to blame you for what a pr*ick he is.

#16 May 16 - 6PM

Susan32

Blaming the victim

I was looking in a Catholic book about sexuality,marriage,etc,and in the section on "spiritual virginity" and its loss,they basically discuss the Narcissistic "relationship" without calling it that. Of course, the victim is blamed for giving their hearts, for the loss of their "spiritual virginity",for giving themselves emotionally... and the predator who takes advantage emotionally is off the hook. I was appalled.

#17 May 15 - 12PM

narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)

YES SHE IS, BARBARA!!

she told me she was currently 'working with' a woman whose husband had died..and is telling this woman that she is keeping her husband from 'going to the light' by continuing to LOVE him and DWELL ON HIM!!... DAMNED IF YOU HATE...DAMNED IF YOU LOVE!!..... we just have to 'let go' and 'move forward'......sounds more like DRIVING SCHOOL than life coaching...TOTAL UTTER BULLSHIT.......

#18 May 15 - 1PM (Reply to #19)

Susan32

Psychopathic psychics...

You're right with the "damned if you hate, damned if you love." That's why I DON'T go to psychics. Total waste of $$$ and time. They're psychopaths in how they toy with people's emotions for cash.

#19 May 15 - 10AM

narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)

nhtmf............

i'll add your laptop to my ever expanding list.!!... i'm sure i'm a lot more responsible for you spewing tea onto your laptop than i am for the GHOST OF BINGE DRUNKS PAST being unable to achieve liftoff from life's runway....

#20 May 15 - 10AM (Reply to #17)

nhtmf

Maybe its harder to get into

Maybe its harder to get into hell than it is heaven? Wonder what the criteria is........he does sound like a prime candidate but satan may be afraid of the competition !!!

#21 May 15 - 9AM

nhtmf

Narcnarc

Woman you are a hoot !!!!! I know you've been and are still going through hell because of the earthbound orange pile of poop and hate to ask you this but I think you owe me a new laptop. Reading your post I spit out a whole mouthful of my tea on my computer...................not "orange pekoe" either................See now you're to blame for something else, huh? You are wonderful narcnarc and don't you ever forget it !!!!!! (HUGS)

#22 May 15 - 9AM

missyjade

Take This However You Like

I was always taught forgiveness is to set you free of the bondage that offense has caused you. It is not for the other person because sometimes they may not even be around to know you have forgiven them. However, when we are truly broken in the spirit, we are not able to soar like we did before the offense took place. When we forgive, what we are really saying is, "I am not going to allow the offense to control the rest of my life, thoughts, and moods'. Yes, we were wronged but we refuse to give them anymore power in our lives. As for forgiven him for his enternal rest; bullshit. His fate has already been determined, there is nothing else you or anyone else can do regarding his enternity.

#23 May 15 - 8AM

Amazed

She seemed helpful

Narcnarc this psychic who helped you before seemed like was very accurate and for real..I don't know about forgiveness, it is an injustice, it is like letting someone off the hook for murder. Oh,,,okay, I forgive you. I don't think it really works that way with a psychopath. They hurt you intentionally. Like you describe it, with a venemous poisoning of you body, spirit, mind, and emotions. They taunt their victims for years. It takes months, years of waking up to the realization, and stuggling through the healing of their extreme mental damage. I don't think Forgiveness is appropriate reaction to a brushing with a psychopath. It is not a "relationship" it is an encounter. Forgiveness to me implies ignorance, I understand it is a "letting go" but this is not just a volitional thing. You can let go of any hurt from someone that they have commited against you, in what I call the "normal state of affairs"..from a "normal" relationship. There is a two way communication there. With a psychopath, it is like forgiving the terrorists for bombing the U.S. It is not appropriate response to the situation. I have included an article from a Dr. at the Mayo Clinic who speaks about forgiveness. I am trying to heal more, from gratitiude, centered within myself. I think of what I am grateful for. I am grateful I was strong enough to expose him. I am grateful I am strong enough to do the right and stay away from him. I am grateful there are resources to help me. I still have a lot of anger at the exN, because in looking back I realize all his hurt on me was intentional, and he had no respect for my life, while taking all of it. If he didn't respect my life, why did he want to be with me all the time? Piece of crap. Evil. Here is the article, I don't think Forgiveness quite is the ticket,,if you think otherwise, let me know Narcnarc. Forgiveness: Letting go of grudges and bitterness When someone you care about hurts you, you can hold on to anger, resentment and thoughts of revenge â€” or embrace forgiveness and move forward. By Mayo Clinic staff Katherine Piderman, Ph.D. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Nearly everyone has been hurt by the actions or words of another. Perhaps your mother criticized your parenting skills or your partner had an affair. These wounds can leave you with lasting feelings of anger, bitterness and even vengeance â€” but if you don't practice forgiveness, you may be the one who pays most dearly. By embracing forgiveness, you embrace peace, hope, gratitude and joy. Here, Katherine Piderman, Ph.D., staff chaplain at Mayo Clinic, Rochester, Minn., discusses forgiveness and how it can lead you down the path of physical, emotional and spiritual well-being. What is forgiveness? Generally, forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge. The act that hurt or offended you may always remain a part of your life, but forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on other, positive parts of your life. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you. Forgiveness doesn't mean that you deny the other person's responsibility for hurting you, and it doesn't minimize or justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing the act. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life. What are the benefits of forgiving someone? Letting go of grudges and bitterness makes way for compassion, kindness and peace. Forgiveness can lead to: Healthier relationships Greater spiritual and psychological well-being Less stress and hostility Lower blood pressure Fewer symptoms of depression, anxiety and chronic pain Lower risk of alcohol and substance abuse Why is it so easy to hold a grudge? When you're hurt by someone you love and trust, you may become angry, sad or confused. If you dwell on hurtful events or situations, grudges filled with resentment, vengeance and hostility may take root. If you allow negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you may find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice. What are the effects of holding a grudge? If you're unforgiving, you may pay the price repeatedly by bringing anger and bitterness into every relationship and new experience. Your life may become so wrapped up in the wrong that you can't enjoy the present. You may become depressed or anxious. You may feel that your life lacks meaning or purpose, or that you're at odds with your spiritual beliefs. You may lose valuable and enriching connectedness with others. How do I reach a state of forgiveness? Forgiveness is a commitment to a process of change. A way to begin is by recognizing the value of forgiveness and its importance in your life at a given time. Then reflect on the facts of the situation, how you've reacted, and how this combination has affected your life, health and well-being. When you're ready, actively choose to forgive the person who's offended you. Move away from your role as victim and release the control and power the offending person and situation have had in your life. As you let go of grudges, you'll no longer define your life by how you've been hurt. You may even find compassion and understanding.

#24 May 15 - 9AM (Reply to #11)

narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)

the psychic..........

here's the RUB....she was married to a PSYCHOPATH too.....sort of....some asshole who went completely bonkers after a not so near drowning....bastard never even stopped breathing i guess...but was somehow 'transformed' in the process.....just an good EXCUSE to let the real him come out would be MY bet....... anyway....he's a MONSTER....and this is just a piss poor coping mechanism she's dredged up.....which is fine for her.....but now she's PEDDLING it like sno cones!!...no...now she's forcing it down the throats of other people MAFIA ENFORCER STYLE......and that's where i draw my line....... i have no intention of letting go of anger toward the psychopath....if he's in Hell...and i can follow him there...and sit beside him.with an open bottle of Vodka i can wave under his nose.....and kick him in the nuts for all eternity......sounds like NIRVANA to me.........

#25 May 15 - 9AM (Reply to #12)

quietude (not verified)

strangers and other people

Sorry, but I've had my fill of what the UNEDUCATED think and their opinions. I agree, forgiveness is for those who truly deserve it. There is no way I will ever forgive exN for what he's done to me. And I'm just FINE by doing that...I'm not 'stuck', and it's not 'unhealthy' for me. Now, if someone feels better for forgiving their ex, that's their business, and they have to do what feels right for them. It makes me feel good about myself, and the confidence I have regained (no thanks to him), that I'm able to stand up and speak the truth about it. What he did was not right, moral, and it was highly destructive to my very core. If I gave him the chance, guess what...HE'D DO IT AGAIN. I am actually in control of it not happening again through NC. Leave it to him, and he'd hurt me without a second thought. All the I'm Sorry's coming out of his mouth do not mean anything.

#26 May 15 - 10AM (Reply to #13)

narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)

i agree, quietude.......

he was laying there dying....and never confessed to anything..never asked forgiveness.....and it's just as well...because if he had, it would have been total bullshit and for his own benefit....and i would have pinched off his Ativan drip and spit in his orange face......

#27 May 15 - 7AM

whitemagic

Love it

I agree whole heartedly. Your blog tickled my funnybone. Love it.

whitemagic

#28 May 16 - 7PM (Reply to #9)

Barbara (not verified)

funnybone

too bad it's all the darn truth and NN's life ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller

#29 May 15 - 12PM (Reply to #2)

Barbara (not verified)

forgiveness

you know how I feel about this forgiveness orgy... Mike? going to the LIGHT? what LIGHT would that be? the big blinking VODKA WORLD neon light in hell? he had no soul... he's not going anywhere but a dark void... the hateful one was HIM, not you! wonder if she tells the victims who's family or friends were murdered she works with to forgive the murderer? Amazed You can forgive the person without excusing the act. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life. What are the benefits of forgiving someone? Letting go of grudges and bitterness makes way for compassion, kindness and peace. THIS IS COMPLETE AND UTTER BULLSH*T!!!! I'm not interested in forgiveness for these predators. I have plenty of peace in my life now that I have embraced my rage and allowed it to help me move forward! http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/199907/must-you-forgive I'm not forgiving anyone of my psychos anytime soon... tomorrow ain't looking good either. ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller

#30 May 16 - 7PM (Reply to #8)

Amazed

I didn't write that about forgiveness, a Dr from Mayo did

I am not up for forgiveness of the Predators either, it is wrong to excuse evil!!!

#31 May 16 - 7PM (Reply to #3)

better off

Not to mention that psychos

Not to mention that psychos don't even WANT our forgiveness!! So what's the fucking point of it anyway? If you told a N/P that you forgive him, he'd spit in your face! How dare you offer forgiveness to perfection? He never did anything wrong, YOU DID! I see forgiveness to be a moot point. Why the hell should I forgive him? It makes no sense. Today I was listening to Christian radio and they were talking about forgiveness, and they discussed Jesus' parable about the rich man who forgave this guy's huge debts, and the same guy (who got forgiven) went out and refused to forgive another man his small debts to him. When the rich man found out, he got really angry and had the guy thrown in prison for his hypocrisy. Both men in the story begged for forgiveness. The "bad" man in the story sounds like a classic f'ing narc. Wants his huge debt to be forgotten and then beats someone up over owing him a little bit. And he was CONDEMNED and imprisoned in that parable! He WAS NOT forgiven after his true nature was discovered.

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