Psychic Connection To N

46 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 May 16 - 10AM
TygerTyger
TygerTyger's picture

Psychic Connection To N

Hi everyone...I just read a mention in one of the posts here that the idea of being "psychically connected" to an N has come up before in conversations..I wasn't around for this, so if it's okay, if others would like to retell their experiences and feelings, I'd love to hear them.

I am not prone to the supernatural, but I DO believe that people exude and can project energy. I don't think it's necessarily "magic" but a real biological phenomenon. Also I will serve up another possible answer.

My N was highly emotional. Mostly in a negative way, constantly calculating, trying to figure things out..sometimes selfishly, sometimes because of anxiety.. like he was always trying to evaluate what people thought of him, how to react, what to do, what was happening..very high nervous energy. He was very prone to stress and had OCD tendencies.

Probably because of the high emotions, I found myself becoming a "receiver" to it. Since I am very sensitive to people's change of moods, and can feel it in their body language, a slight shift in posture, even something I can't even see but can just feel...my N was like a very loud radio station constantly broadcasting his mood shifts. Of course it dominated whatever time we spent together.

I remember one time after I had told him I didn't want to see him as a friend anymore, I still had some work I was completing for him. We hadn't spoken for a week, and I was out hiking by myself. The whole afternoon I had this overwhelming feeling of..not sure how to describe it..anxiety about him. Unusually intense. When I got home there was an e-mail from him needing to talk about the project, and how he was suffering from "issues" and needed comfort. I didn't ask what the "issues" were. He mentioned us getting together, even though I had told him weeks before we were done. I found the timing of the e-mail odd.

Now, in May, I haven't spoken with him for over a month. These days, when I get feelings of longing or curiousity about him, I start to question if it's a connection or just the natural feelings you'd have, regardless of how stupid or rotten the situation was..feelings of yearning, maybe some jealousy, curiousity..and this may not be psychic, just normal feelings you experience when you disconnect from someone that you are still attracted to and, good or bad, left an intense psychological mark on you.

Also, I think one has to be careful not to cater to one's ego that each and every twang of pain and emotion you experience is not him "calling out to me."

The main thing is that I am certain though, that he was projecting his feelings very strongly all the time..dominating our time together, and I felt it constantly. Whether this can carry long distance I'd like to know opinions about. Any weird coincidences out there with anyone?

Thanx

May 17 - 4PM
herlatestvictim
herlatestvictim's picture

we are all groomed to respond

I also thought my N and I had a psychic connection of some sort. After I met my N's mother, I realized that our mothers were very similar! Self centered, overbearing, emotionally unavailable, abusive, critical...We were both groomed to be hypersensitive to others emotions, emotional needs, moods, etc... The only difference is she developed NPD. I have my own stuff.
May 17 - 2PM
sanctuary
sanctuary's picture

Every so often I would ask

Every so often I would ask my daughter if she's heard from her father....just trying to keep tabs on what he might be doing to her. Almost without fail, she'll get a text or call within 24 hours. She told me I had jinxed her with that question. She asked me not to bring it up anymore so he won't call or text. I believe we can have connections with people. Many times I'll pick up the phone to make a call and it'll ring. It'll be the person I was going to call. This happens a lot with my sister. Makes sense because we're very close. Maybe it can happen with any one we have strong emotional bonds with...good or bad. I'm willing to bet over the years the healthy hate I've developed for the ExN would classify as a strong emotional bond....a very bad one of course!!
May 16 - 6PM
Amazed
Amazed's picture

I have had a psychic connect with my exN,,,

Oftentimes in my writing, journaling, his voice would come through. He would try to communicate with me telepahically, as Barbara says, as a mind control. My exN had such a strong degree of mind control. When walking beside him, if I was on the outside of a sidewalk, on the traffic side,like while walking on the sidewalk together, I would feel this intense,,,I mean INTENSE energy and have to move quickly to the inside. We would "change places" so to speak. He said " can you feel that" then he said "my Mother always told me to walk on the outside of the sidewalk when you are walking next to a girl. If a car come crashing on the sidewalk, they will hit you (the guy) first and spare the lady." I would feel this same energy, for me to "leave the room" when select other co-workers would enter. It was like a hot, burning sensation I felt through my entire body. A magnetic force if you will, pushing me away. I could feel it. It was like I had to leave. It was him projecting this energy. He wanted to do whatever to them. He also told me he was Psychic, and telekentic. He would communicate with me telepathically about a number of things. I became open to this, and would write it. He would later confirm this with me. I am just a person trying to survive in this world. Make a living, get a long with people. Dont' know how all this crap with a psychopath happened to me.... Example, I would channel him in my writing. He would tell me things like "get your toenails done". Next time I saw him, with out a word, he would look at me, ask to take my boots off so he could see my toenails. In the office. All this sounds strange. It happened. I have no need to lie, but need to let you all know, and understand what the f'''ck has happend. It was creepy. Thought it was love. Not good. Also because I believe he caused certain events to happen in my life. Like a car crash. Like my computer screen being stepped on. The computer had pix he had sent me, that I could have sent to his ex and OW. It is like he psychically wanted these destroyed, and telepathically made a way for this to happen. When these things happened, I know it was him. It is very difficult to explain. It is like an invasion of your own mind, that they are able to get into. Sounds strange, I am not crazy. Just giving you the truth and some specifics, that it might help someone. I have had some premonition dreams about him. There were times also, in the beginning of our 'relationship' that I would be OUT OF MY MIND. I mean hyperaroused sexually. Very scary. I am so glad he is out of my life, and hope to God that his influences on me will cease so I can function and live fully in life.
May 16 - 6PM
narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

definite psychic connection with the psycho.........

no doubt about it.....sometimes i would suddenly feel his hatred of me......and i knew he was thinking about me.... in the weeks before he died i was constantly on edge...felt like i was about to lose my mind....i could feel that something bad was going to happen concerning him....like i was spinning in a tornado.....i'm certain i was feeling what he was feeling.....a feeling of being completely out of control........ there is no doubt in my mind that he had some kind of psychic connection with me.... “I do not bring forgiveness with me, nor forgetfulness. The only ones who can forgive are dead; the living have no right to forget." - Chaim Herzog
May 16 - 6PM (Reply to #41)
Amazed
Amazed's picture

How do we protect ourselves from this invasion

They pirate our souls!!! Emotional vampires, yes, that was the article and link, and it is like I just want to live my life, how did all this infultrate my psyche? It is so evil. I want to seal it off, so he has no more over me. What is the remedy to be free of them? Why can't they move on? What do they want? Go be a vampire someplace else!!!
May 17 - 8AM (Reply to #42)
Monica
Monica's picture

Amazed...they want/need your very lifeblood...

Exactly like a vampire...they need to keep you "available" any way they can in case they need you for supply again, now or in the future. A vampire would perish if it couldn't suck the blood out of it's victims. And you were a healthy, stable, reliable source of supply. Perhaps the vampire decides it wants "fresh" supply. It goes searching for another victim. Perhaps it doesn't find one, or it finds one and the victim gets away before she can be bitten. The vampire comes back to YOU because it knows you will give it lifeblood as you have in the past. Perhaps the vampire does find a new victim and starts sucking the lifeblood (soul) out of her, but she is not as "tasty" as you are, or perhaps not as healthy and fulfilling. Again, the vampire will seek you out because the past has proven that you were reliable and cooperative and giving and healthy. I think the remedy to be free of them is to stop allowing the vampire to find us again, cut off their lifeblood supply, make sure we are well hidden and uncooperative when they come looking for us again. A vampire feels nothing emotionally for its victims. It needs a healthy victim for one reason and one reason only....to feed it's very basic hunger without having to work too hard against a struggling, uncooperative victim to satisfy that hunger. A vampire doesn't "love" its victims except insofar as much as the victim allows the vampire to survive another dark night and make it to the next sundown (and the vampire is happy over this because it loves itself). A vampire needs your lifeblood, your soul, for it to survive. It doesn't need or want your love or affection or compassion. A vampire will move on when it is certain that you will no longer, under and circumstances and despite any charm or pleading or manipulation on their part, give him your lifeblood (soul). That forces them to find another victim, just so they can survive.
May 16 - 5PM
smileyfacepr
smileyfacepr's picture

psyc connection

well, we always had a telepathy type of thing going on throughout our whole relationship, we would be thinking the exact same thing at the same time, or we would call eachother w our thoughts and so many similar things like that, we new many times what the other was thinking! Kinda freaky! Now when I am sad or missing him I wonder if he is thinking about me? Or if he can feel me thinking about him? Dont know but the connection was very strong!!! Did it just disappear??

smileyfacepr

May 16 - 6PM (Reply to #28)
loveofmylife
loveofmylife's picture

smilyfacepr

I've wondered the same thing too...that if I am thinking about him too much or sad about what has happened...is he thinking/feeling the same thing at the same time also. Especially on a nice sunny day when we used to eat outside and how we both loved the outdoor beauty...I wonder when it is a nice day like this is he thinking the same thing and missing it...but I'm sure the answer is, sadly - no....they aren't thinking about it or missing it....because they can so quickly move on to new supply and never think about us again. No new supply is way to exciting to be clouding their brains with old supply. So the connection from their side didn't disappear - it never really existed.
May 16 - 8PM (Reply to #29)
smileyfacepr
smileyfacepr's picture

loveofmylife!!

Isnt it strange? I feel the same, when it is raining I wonder if he misses me bcause we used to love to cuddle on rainy days..on sunny days I wonder whats hes doing on this beautiful day? No I dont think they r thinking about us at all, I feel like I dont exsist and never did! Thats what hurts me the most! Maybe ur right..the connection never exsisted we did it all by our selves and they played along? I just dont understand how they can not miss us after so many yrs together...we were not a dramatic couple we were pretty calm but when somethings wrong, somethings wrong!! Im praying for all of us to heal very very soon so we can all move on!!

smileyfacepr

May 16 - 11PM (Reply to #30)
loveofmylife
loveofmylife's picture

what hurts the most

yep what hurts the most is the realization that i/ you never existed. We were fun to play with and then put back on the shelf when it was time to move on to the next toy. And I do agree with you, that alot of it was self-generated and they played along, because it was fun. One day, when I realized I didn't really exist to him (at a deep, real level) - that I was just an object to play with... I asked him many questions over and over again to determine if something was really there. And sadly, the more I asked, the more I realized there truly was NOTHING THERE! I was dumbfounded. How could we be so close (from my perspective the closest relationship in my life)...how could we spend so many amazing hours together...share so much of life...with him communicating to me probably on average 10 - 20 times a day for years - and for him to sum things up as "you are ONE of my closest and dearest friends, but every time I try to get close to you, you read more into it" and for him never to FEEL anything about it. He claims he felt NOTHING...that it was all me. After he told me many time I was beautiful, intelligent, modest, fun to be with - that he wished I had of talked him out of his engagement, that he missed me, that he wished things were different, that he was attracted to me to the Nth degree, that we had a rare relationship, that I was incredibly special to him, that if timing was different he would see us together, that we have a special bond and comfort level that is very rare, that he wanted to stay in a villa with me in Portofino and drink rare wines, and on and on and on.... 20 years of on and on. But according to him. He FELT NOTHING and therefore, does FEEL NOTHING. It made me want to ask "just how many of these Closest and Dearest friends do you have???" I'm sure the answer was dozens...that I was no more special than the next one. Just part of his harem. I lost an arm or a heart and feel like I'm not going to live. He lost a toenail; and it didn't really hurt. We need alot of praying. My friends keep reminding me to pray, alot! Just to have peace and move on.
Jun 5 - 4PM (Reply to #38)
smileyfacepr
smileyfacepr's picture

loveofmylife!!

Sorry didnt c ur post till now!!! They r crazy we r not..we r romantics...how can they make us feel so close 1 min. and so distant the next?? They r really screwed up..I am no longer trying to figure him out..Im working on figuring myself out..I already wasted to much time trying to figure his ass out..thats no longer my problem..I need to figure out what I want for me..that where my energy is going!!! Vampire sums them up so perfectly!! hugs

smileyfacepr

Jun 6 - 10AM (Reply to #39)
narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

i'm no 'romantic'......

i'm not a 'romantic' in any sense of the word....... and i was predatorized by a psychopath..... “I do not bring forgiveness with me, nor forgetfulness. The only ones who can forgive are dead; the living have no right to forget." - Chaim Herzog
May 17 - 6AM (Reply to #31)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

loveofmylife

he was mirroring you... mirroring back your affections because he's incapable of any... essentially we are in a 'relationship' with a mirror of ourselves -- THAT'S WHY WE MISTAKENLY THINK IT'S A SOULMATE THING... time to change your nickname ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
May 17 - 11AM (Reply to #32)
broken23
broken23's picture

wow. that makes so much

wow. that makes so much sense. i always thought he was my soulmate. but i am starting to see that what i liked was really things i just like about myself and he would mimic them back when he was being nice...and made me feel like no one else understands me like him. everyone else has a mind of their own!
May 17 - 1PM (Reply to #33)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

izzy23

Mirroring Definition: Mirroring - Mirroring is a term which describes imitating or copying another person's characteristics, behaviors or traits. Description: Mirroring occurs when people who suffer from personality disorders have a vacant, or distorted self image which can manifest itself as an imitation of the other person's speech, mannerisms, behaviors, dress style, purchase preferences, daily habits etc. Sometimes the person doing the mirroring can begin to believe they actually are the other person to the extent that they might call themselves by their name, claim to be them or have elements of the other person's life such as relationships, past experiences, career or family history attributed to them. In some cases they may even claim to be the other person. Mirroring is often a manifestation of a form of Dissociation, where a person's strong feelings create "facts" which are less than true. A dramatic case of mirroring is portrayed in the movie Single White Female, in which the character Hedra Carlson (played by Jennifer Jason Leigh) begins to imitate her new room-mate Allie in the way she looks, dresses and behaves, imitating her haircut, wearing her clothes and ultimately seducing Allie's boyfriend. Some examples of Mirroring * A man switches to mimic the accent of a colleague. * A woman wears identical clothing as a friend. * A mother secretly wears her daughter's clothing when she is out. * A teenager makes phone calls in which she pretends to be her sibling. * A secretary wears her bosses wife's perfume in an attempt to seduce him. * A man writes letters in which he forges his boss's signature. What it Feels Like There is an old saying that "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery" A little mirroring can sometimes be taken as a compliment at first. You may feel honored or flattered when someone begins to mimic your fashion sense, your behaviors or traits. However, when this becomes pervasive, it can start to feel a bit "creepy". It can become quite unsettling to realize that someone who isn't behaving in a normal or healthy reciprocal relationship kind of way is paying so much attention to you. IF tehy begin to see you as a representation of themselves you may find youself in a campaign of Engulfment where there is great pressure to stay in the Relationship. If that person begins to pretend they are you, it can become downright frightening. You may fear that other people will mistake them for you, that they will behave in ways that will embarrass you, get you into trouble or make you unpopular. Coping With Mirroring There are no laws against imitation and people who are unfamiliar with personality disorders will often struggle to take accusations of mirroring or complaints about mimicry seriously. It is often best to detach as much as possible from a person who is mirroring you. Sometimes, when you try to cut off contact with a person who is being "super-nice" you will be Split from Good to Evil and you might see some of their "not so nice" side come to the surface via False accusations, Fear of Abandonment, Emotional Blackmail, Threats or Stalking. What NOT To Do * Don't allow yourself to be emotionally blackmailed into spending time with someone who you feel threatened by. * Don't allow yourself to be isolated into just one relationship at the cost of others with someone who is mirroring you. * Don't give up things you love to do or healthy behaviors to try to navigate any kind of dysfunctional engulfment. What TO Do * Surround yourself with supportive friends who will understand and validate you in a healthy way. * Put some distance between you and a person who is mirroring you. * If you must spend time with someone who is mirroring you, take along a supportive friend. * Call the police at the first incident of violence or threat of violence. http://www.outofthefog.net/CommonBehaviors/Mirroring.html ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
May 17 - 7PM (Reply to #34)
loveofmylife
loveofmylife's picture

Mirroring Examples

Here are some things I noticed after I pulled myself out of the trees and was able to see the forest! - for years, he, like a gentleman always had me order first. Whatever I ordered as a drink - water or ice tea or whatever, he ALWAYS ordered the same drink. 100% of the time. After I caught on to this I switched it up a bit and he still ordered the same thing. It was only after he DD'd me that he would order something else. It made me wonder 1) was he that bonded to me that subconsciously he always ordered what I did? or 2) freaky..it was conscious and he was doing it to lure me and have me bond. Same with food alot of the time...but drinks were 100% the same. - One day, I tossed my PC and bought a mac. The very next day, he tossed his PC, bought a mac and started talking about "our macs". - He asked me where I wanted to live, where I wanted to go on vacation and it was always the same for him. I said I wanted to live in Charleston...he said he would love to live in Charleston and we talked about it alot....how much fun it would be to live there and what we would do there (another one of the things that made me believe I was THE ONE) Right before DD, we were at lunch one day and a friend asked us where we would want to retire. I said Charleston, and N turned to me and said "i'm not so sure I would want to retire in Charleston - too many tourists". It was then I knew that I was on the out!
May 17 - 7PM (Reply to #35)
better off
better off's picture

F**king A

That's sooo what it's like. I remember when I was the one who had objections my N was saying we could live ANYWHERE and be happy.. we could live in Cleveland Ohio and be happy!! As long as we were together nothing else mattered...and besides, we would be traveling the world anyway, what did it matter where we lived? Would send me listings for houses nearly 2 million dollars where I live. I knew I would have to stay in my city because of my children, for ten years. Then we would be free to live anywhere else on the globe. He was ALL ABOUT THAT, and us growing old together. I was open to living in his home country after my kids grew up, etc. Then, when the D&D was beginning, suddenly my city was just oh so boring, and well, maybe it wasn't SO bad, but it was just the idea that, well it was that or nothing. And he'd been so spoiled living in other places, and it was hard to imagine living here. F**khead. That's when I "knew" it too. I was like...look out, he's done. He suddenly was very "blah" about everything HE had been pushing for. F**khead!! Did I already say that? ;P Yep, just like me saying, look, how can this work, I have kids, and him saying how MUCH he wanted to be a stepdad to my boys (he has girls) and be part of their lives and part of all their sports and boy stuff, and how much he understood what my oldest son was going thru in life, and how much his girls needed someone understanding and accepting like me in their lives (because supposedly his wife is a selfish, dysfunctional, selfish monster). Then, it was, gee, I don't think I want the responsibility of someone else's KIDS for God's sake! Uh, it isn't like they just appeared out of a fairy mound five minutes ago, asshole. AND there was the big spirituality issue... he lured me in from the VERY BEGINNING with his spiritual searching and that God had delivered him this angel in his time of need...blah blah, puke puke, and he wrote me out his PRAYER that he said every day about thank you Jesus for better off, my angel...etc etc... buuuut, then my city was boring, and I had kids, and I was a Christian, he just didn't see how it could work. It wasn't long after that, that I got the "I'm just so confused" and the "it's not you, it's me" speech. One thing that's definitely true. It's definitely HIM. Funny how NOT confused he was when he was seducing me. Slime. Ball.
May 17 - 8PM (Reply to #36)
loveofmylife
loveofmylife's picture

The kid thing and God

Same here. When N saw the first picture of my daughter - he went nuts! "she is ridiculously cute - just like her mom - with those beautiful eyes and smile. She is an incredible tribute to you! It makes me want to have another one so that she could be just as cute!" (of course, implying with me!) And then at lunch one day (when I told him I was contemplating moving to his side of the country) he asks out of the blue "do you want to have another one??? Look at you (I was gazing at a toddler) - you KNOW you want to have another one....and I would like to have another one in a relationship that is RIGHT!" (all the while locking eyes with me and smiling at me - implying that he wants one with me) Oh wait - that's right - wake up - I was reading WAY too much into that. He really meant nothing by it. This was a standard everyday conversation that a friend has with a friend - i am reading WAY too much into it! (yeh right) He loved to hear stories about my daughter as he doesn't have one...always said he wanted a little girl. One that looked just like mine! (hmmmm....how exactly does DNA work again?) And then, again, right before DD.... I was telling him a funny story about my daughter (related to her freaking out about her weight) and he said "I am so glad that I only have boys. Girls are too much trouble!" Ah yes, and God. he has known for 20 years I am a Christian. And played the game with me the whole time. And then it wasn't until he realized I was still sleeping with my husband, that 10 minutes later, he disclosed to me that he was actually a hard core atheist! Imagine my shock! He led me to believe that he at least believed in the presence of a higher being that created the earth. Ummmm... that's kind of a big topic that he should have brought up, say 20 years ago! One of N's chemistry.com dates didn't go well when he dated someone who said she was a strong believer on her profile. He dated her anyway and questioned (pretty brutally I suppose) her beliefs in the first date. And then apologized afterwards "sorry I wasn't the Christian you were looking for....I guess I shouldn't have brought that up so strongly on the first date. but I really like you and would like to see you again!" ughhhh..... why does he even bother luring a Christian for a date if he is going to flat out reject those beliefs and not even agree to disagree??? He flat out tells me that I believe in fantasy and wishful thinking of which there is no factual support of - he will not even accept them. I have never judged him on his beliefs or lack thereof. Same old DD. It would never work out because.... we don't want to retire in the same place, he doesn't want a girl, and I am a Christian....and that just won't work! (oh yeah, and I weigh 40 pounds more than him and am not a marathon runner)
May 17 - 9PM (Reply to #37)
better off
better off's picture

Right, loveof, you must be

Right, loveof, you must be CRAZY reading something into THAT! LoL... just like me, when I was looking at private schools for my sons and my N told me I really needed a rich husband, wink wink. But you know, he wasn't making any PROMISES or anything. He doesn't think he led me ON or anything, how UNFAIR of me!!! Oh well, they're right, it would never work! The difference is really staggering. They are lying pondscum assholes and we aren't.
May 16 - 4PM
wallaby (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

I experience psychic connection with N

Usually through dreams - but also through sudden feelings of "missing', "longing" or feeling "inadequate" vis a vis the N. At first, and being a psychologist, I thought they all emanated from me and my own issues or being caught up in him. But the timing is frequently too "coincidental" for this to be the only thing. I will not have him on my mind at all for a while (weeks now the "spell" is broken) and he will appear in a VERY vivid dream. That same day he calls. Or else I will find myself preoccupied as I mentioned above and he will contact me. I think the thread previosuly might have been called "emotional vampires" - I realized through this thread I was not the only one with the same kinds of experiences.I know many have expereinced this. Looking back I can often see how what happened in the dream, then happens in a way that same day too- the same theme or predicament is played out.
May 16 - 11AM
MsVulcan500
MsVulcan500's picture

Psychic Connection

Hi Tyger, I know there are people on here who have had experiences like that and I believe the N's do have some "connection" to us. I personally have not had any where the N has contacted me, but I have had those anxious feelings like you had and they made me wonder if he was lurking near by. I've only had them twice in 8 months or so. A couple of weeks ago I went to the grocery store that is 1/2 mile from my house. It is "my" grocery store where I always shop. It is 18 miles from N's house. But when I pulled into the parking lot I suddenly started looking around the lot for his car, and I wouldn't have been surprised to see it there. I was nervous the entire time I was shopping and ended up leaving forgetting a bunch of stuff I wanted to buy. He is blocked from contacting me except by phone, which I don't think he has the balls to do, but it was the weirdest feeling thinking that every time I turned into an aisle at the store I would see him.
May 16 - 11AM
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

tyger

I believe what you're describing is more the effects of the brainwashing. They go to great lengths to make sure they've always got you on the hook to cater to their every beck and call...even after the relationship ends it still remains. It's like playing whack-a-mole to deprogramming from it all, but it does fade for the most part over time...
May 16 - 11AM (Reply to #2)
TygerTyger
TygerTyger's picture

That makes sense

Quietute..I don't feel like I am being stalked or that I'll run into him, it's more that feeling of anticipating being called on to run and help him out..like you said, it's brainwashing..an emotional habit, routine..whatever. Chronic anticipation.
May 16 - 11AM (Reply to #24)
Scoop
Scoop's picture

I have chronic anticipation

I have chronic anticipation but not unfounded i think , i know the contact from him is just around the corner and as the weeks go on i get more and more on edge . I know when he has contacted me , there is like a shift in energy , a strange feeling but i get it with most people i know . I have had countless times that this happens , i live with it . Scoop x
May 16 - 11AM (Reply to #3)
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

yes

I do feel like it's habit, how much time have we spent worrying about anything that has to do with them? My ex made sure he was always in my thoughts...no matter if we were being very chatty, or he was giving me the silent treatment and devaluing me. There was no 'brain rest' when it came to him, hence, why it's all so exhausting. He's thousands of miles away, yet I still have enough hypervigilance going on to look over my shoulder to see if he's coming at me. Unreasonable, probably...but lasting effects...like a gross residue left from the N. The bastard still tries it, I've noticed a pattern of him sending me short/vague e-mails every few months. I'm sure his thinking is, 'there', she's thinking about me again. I do think about him, but not in the way he's hoping!
May 16 - 4PM (Reply to #4)
loveofmylife
loveofmylife's picture

quietude and others

Yes, I can usually sense when he is about to call me. Probably 90% of the time I have this feeling, i'll go to check my email or phone and there will be a message from him. It really does freak me out. I sleep through the night without waking up about 99.9% of the time. In the last two weeks, I woke up twice in the middle of the night - which never happens- went to my computer and N had just emailed me a few minutes earlier. This has happened to me for years. And I always chalk it up to the fact that we have an intense emotional connection/bond. So in the last few weeks when I woke up and found an email from him just minutes earlier...both times I asked why he wasn't sleeping....he would email me back, but never answer that question. Quietude...you mention yours sends you short/vague emails....what are they like? Mine always does that and it drives me crazy...its like you can interpret the email 1,000 different ways... and it likes he likes it that way. I always attributed it to the fact that I was married, and so he can't be specific about certain things with me.... his emails to others who are available are more direct and clear. It always made me year to be in a "real" relationship so that I would get clear communication!
May 16 - 11PM (Reply to #23)
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

loveof..

The first e-mail came after 6 whole months of NC, dead silence on both our parts. It appeared to be him wiring me money (which he did a couple of times when we were living apart). The money never came (snap!:)..) so I thought, wow...he's just shoving it in my face, what he's 'done' for me! The next contact out of the blue was for my birthday earlier this month. He was a few days late..heh...but it was a very short note. WHY he would think that I'd be interested in B-day wishes from him, especially after me basically ignoring him completely for over a year now is beyond me. They just feel like the can fly in and out of our lives like it's nothing...they don't care the effect it has. Barbara has said it well...we are objects that they own. It could be 30 years later, if they get a whim to play with that 'object' again, they will. Sick. Yes, we can interpret their word-salad 1000 different ways, part of keeping us brainwashed and in control is wearing us down, exhausting us. It's easier that way. I threw my N secret decoder ring out a long time ago...I no longer give a sh**.
May 16 - 6PM (Reply to #17)
better off
better off's picture

I've had that happen to me

I've had that happen to me many times... but I think (and this is JMO of course) that they have a pattern that our subconscious is aware of, even if we aren't. I think they have cycles (as have been discussed here before) and our brains are primed for it. Or maybe it really is psychic, but I think we are biologically predicting their behavior from past behavior that seems "random" but really isn't. Of course if you're no contact, then you shouldn't be answering emails you get in the middle of the night. ;) I remember yearning for that real relationship also, when everything would be clear and straightforward and perfect. Which everyone will tell you they never got, even if they married them. Mine once said, about communicating with people...if he hadn't been ambiguous, then he'd failed. Nice goal to have. Can you imagine spending all your time trying to be ambiguous to the world? Worse than that was when he just simply contradicted himself. As far as psychic connections go... I do think there is something to it. But I think it's mostly brainwashing. Although, my weird story is that one day, even tho I'd been NC for months I just found his presence weighing so heavily on me, thoughts of him, that I must contact him.... but I didn't actually want to. Then (this sounds weird) I gradually became aware of the fact that this "feeling" was coming from outside of me... that it wasn't really my feelings. It was "other." And I, uh, talked back to it sort of. I said no. I said you contact me. And it disappeared in that instant. And I felt light again. "Resist the devil and he will flee..."
May 16 - 6PM (Reply to #18)
loveofmylife
loveofmylife's picture

ambiguity and a VERY freaky psychic thing

It's funny - he is ambiguous in personal relationship - I think to keep his options open at all times to move in any direction depending on his mood and how things are shaping up. But professionally, he is the most clear and direct person. And a good reminder that even when people are married or in an "exclusive relationship" with an N, things are still never clear. Interesting psychic story. Here's probably my most freaky one. About 12 years ago, out of the blue (we had not talked in about two years....I stopped contact with him because he was married and felt I needed to move on and forget about him) I had these vivid dreams that I was very upset about something, called N, we talked about whatever it was and I had this overwhelming inner peace. Had this dream every night for about two weeks. It was very intense. It was just me picking up the phone and calling him, talking and feeling incredible peace. Or him asking me to call him because he had something important he wanted to talk to me about - I called and was very, very happy. Wrote this in my journal as it was so intense. Thought VERY hard about whether I should call him to see what this was all about, but decided not to since he was married and it would just upset me that he wasn't available and I was still so in love with him. I told him about this a few years ago, and got the shock of my life. It turns out that I was having these dreams three weeks after his divorce was final (which I had no idea about since we had stopped talking about one month before the divorce process started - for several years) and he said (I have to take this with a grain of salt now) that he was really thinking about me alot at that time and wanted to contact me, but didn't because I was married. We were both a little freaked about it.
May 16 - 7PM (Reply to #21)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

loveofmylife

he wasn't freaked out you are STILL making him out to be human and capable of feelings!!! he was rubbing his slimy predator hands together with delight HOW WAS THERAPY ON FRIDAY? You haven't said a thing... did you GO? (or did you say it to get me off your back? :P) ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller