lasting effects.........

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#1 May 12 - 12PM

Anonymous (not verified)

lasting effects.........

he never wanted me to have anything..ever...nothing that i wanted...from a pair of shoes...to a home....and anything i ever had DESPITE him...he sought to ruin it for me....my business was making six figures...but if i bought a pair of shoes...he'd say....'you know...there's only so much to go around!..do you really think you need or deserve those shoes???...you've just taken food out of the mouths of your dogs by buying those shoes'.....no matter what it was....he made me feel selfish and petty...for wanting it...for having it....
yesterday i was in the grocery....they had packages of strawberries on sale.....1.99.....they were big beautiful strawberries...and i stood there....and stared at them...
i picked up a package....then put it down....then i picked it up again....and i could hear him....just like he was standing beside me....'there's only so much to go aorund you know....do you REALLY think you need or DESERVE those strawberries?..'.......and i put them back down....and walked away..

i went back two more times......and watched other people picking up packages of strawberries......unencumbered by guilt....and i really did try...but i couldn't bring myself to do it.....to buy a 1.99 cent box of strawberries.....
he trained me well over 17 years.....
and i don't think i can ever be untrained......
no matter how hard i try....
he's dead.....but he's still yanking my chain.........

#2 May 14 - 9PM

narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)

berries and ice cream.........

i'm eating berries and ice cream....they're so good....i feel like he's gonna show up at any second and tell me how i don't deserve them....... wonder if they serve Vodka in Hell?.....he sure thought he deserved a lot of Vodka........

#3 May 14 - 10PM (Reply to #27)

quietude (not verified)

narcnarc

I hope you are enjoying your snack, sounds delish! My wish is you get to do more and more of this kind of thing...spoiling yourself when you can, without feeling like a-hole's going to show up one day. I don't think they serve vodka in hell, but God did tell me that psycho-N is planted in front of this to watch over and over again, for eternity... ;) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NaCCG7QkM_c&feature=related

#4 May 15 - 6AM (Reply to #29)

narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)

the Brady Bunch in Hell........

while that would certainly be MY version of Hell.....i think his would be to spend all enternity standing in front of a lquor store called VODKA WORLD...with a sign saying... EVERYTHING FREE TOMORROW....but with tomorrow never coming....

#5 May 14 - 11PM (Reply to #28)

Barbara (not verified)

quietude

ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! @ that video ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller

#6 May 14 - 10PM (Reply to #25)

neveragain5

NarcNarc, Why don't you set

NarcNarc, Why don't you set up a new project for yourself? Get a calendar and on every day write something that he HATED you doing. Then go day by day and do whatever you know he would disapprove of! Eat those berries nice and slow! You deserve a truckload!

#7 May 15 - 12PM (Reply to #26)

Susan32

Funny, I actually DID that!

After the D&D (and moving to another state), I DID things I'd know he'd disapprove of- 1)Eat strange foods 2)Eat whatever I want 3)Hang out with "weird" people 4)Be happy 5)Eat meat 6)Smile, smile, smile-have a bonus skip in my step 7)Be happy about my own "weirdness" 8)Spend time with friends

#8 May 14 - 4PM

narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)

i did it!!

bought some strawberries......and a one dollar package of blackberries too....it was insanely difficult to bring myself to do it........but i did it.....AND..i bought a one dollar pint of ice cream to eat them on top of...... that's the most i've spent on myself since i can remember.... i'm feeling guilty about it already.......

#9 May 14 - 11PM (Reply to #23)

wallaby (not verified)

WOOOOHOOOOO!

SO f'in happy you did that.!! Not only for you - but I'm also imagining your PsychoN in hell looking for vodka and finding only that Brady Bunch episode Quietude posted over and over -no Vodka but "Sunny day" by the Brady Family for eternity - while you eat your damn berries!!!

#10 May 14 - 9PM (Reply to #22)

Amazed

We need to get you some boxing gloves!!!

To punch the dead evil bastard out!!!!!! Everytime you hear his "TRAINING YOU" call it what it is.. "This is pscyhoNarc trying to train me, and I know better" and do the opposite. Keep holding your ground, enlarge your life, little by litte, get comfortable with starting to feel good in your own skin, and look to a life of abundance. It is okay, it is healthy, it is good to have a life rich with abundance. Positive feelings...the real you.. The psychopath lives to devoid you of these feelings, these EXPERIENCES narcnarc,,begin to let yourself have these positive feelings, and experiences, and let life shine back on you...and begin to feel love,,,again,,begin to feel love,,and humanity,,again...

#11 May 14 - 8PM (Reply to #21)

sanctuary

Oh...please, please, don't

Oh...please, please, don't feel guilty. You deserve the strawberries, blueberries, ice cream, and so much more!! If you're like most moms, even of the four legged kind, you always feel the money should've gone to them. I'm going to remind you that you need to take care of yourself too, even if it's a little treat once in while. Let it bring you some joy for the step you took and then share that feeling with your pets. I hope there are many more positive steps coming for you!!!

#12 May 14 - 6PM (Reply to #16)

Janet

Guilty schmilty. ENJOY

Guilty schmilty. ENJOY THEM! Peace. J

Peace. J

#13 May 14 - 9PM (Reply to #17)

Amazed

This reminds me of how the psychopath tries to 'train us'

And almost depend on them for their reaction, or their guidance. We became so brainwashed by them (we thought it was love, devotion, caring, commitment) and they want us as their "SUBORDINATE" most the time, right! That we become trained to become dependent on them, they cultivate this dependence in their relationships. The psychopath reaches this dependence from their victims in different ways,,I think it is in the form of the NLP (which I don't know much about) and mind games..they position you, treat you in such a way that creates this,,be it through them spending hords of money on you,,whatever their tactic, they want you dependent.

#14 May 14 - 10PM (Reply to #18)

Susan32

Declaration of independence

I think the last straw for my ex-N was when I congratulated him on his betrothal, saying, "Better HAPPY with her, than UNHAPPY with me." I told him I respected his choices, and that I was treating him as an adult, with a mind,free will,feelings,and choices of his own. I was treating him like a person. I told him it wasn't my job to tell him how to think or feel (after all, he had been telling me what to think and feel about him) He thought that as a professor it was his perogative to command others what to think and feel... and that's DEFINITELY overstepping any boundaries with any adult. As a friend of mine said,his narcissistic rage/"injuries" were fueled by the feelings of his loss of a sense of control. He couldn't control me. In a sense, by telling him I loved him (and later,when I found out he was engaged, congratulating him), I was declaring my independence. I was asserting my thoughts and feelings. As Edith Piaf famously sang, "Je ne regret rien." The last thing a Narc wants is someone who thinks independently.

#15 May 14 - 10PM (Reply to #19)

Amazed

Exactly,, they despise people who think independently

Yet these are the prey they target. They can pick you out from a crowd like a needle in a haystack from 2000 Feet. They see your strength, abilities. Dismantle, 1 2 3. They do it again and again and again. I think some of these guys started young in life, doing it in whatever environment. They envy people who think independently, and will stop at none less than destroying them. DESTROYING. Like, no return, destroying. Stay away from them. They are dangerous, they know it, they laugh about it. I am for real.

#16 May 14 - 10PM (Reply to #20)

Susan32

Scorched Earth Policy

That's how one of my friends explained my ex-N. When I met the OW... his girlfriend from LA... she was a financially independent woman,worked in museums, and pretty much thought for herself... she did end up marrying him. Whatever became of it, I don't know. My friend Chris said that my soon to be ex-N targeted me because I was a creative thinker, HUMAN, and smarter than him too (my ex-N fancies himself a philosopher, and he's mentally constipated, since he can't think an original thought) Chris also called him the Devil. My ex-N nearly destroyed me. I'm happier now... I've been writing for the past 7 years (and continually published in that time) I think my ex-N was a Daddy's Boy, so much in awe of his father he did EVERYTHING to impress him. He went to the same university where his father was a professor, he pals around with his father's colleagues. He was so much in awe of his authority figures/teachers he didn't see them as human. My devastating experience with my ex-N has helped me value free thought THAT much more. I'm here for the freethinkers! For the REAL philosophers! As it was said in The Prisoner,"I am not a number. I am a free man!" God blessed us with minds. Let us use them.

#17 May 13 - 8AM

narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)

been thinking about this....

and this is BULLSHIT..it was BULLSHIT then..... the business was MINE....the money was MINE....and yet through imtimidation and threats he controlled me spending MY OWN MONEY.. FUCK HIM with a two by four.... today i am getting myself some stawberries.......

#18 May 13 - 12PM (Reply to #14)

better off

AND, get a can of whipped

AND, get a can of whipped cream to go with the strawberries. And eat it in bed. Just spray the whipped cream in your mouth. Be decadent. :)

#19 May 13 - 9AM (Reply to #13)

enoughalready

narcnarc

You go girl!!!! You deserve everything life has to offer you!

#20 May 12 - 11PM

enoughalready

Lol about the skidmarks,

Lol about the skidmarks, narcnarc!! And damn bastard about the strawberries. If I were there w/ u, we would go together, shop and buy some shoes and strawberries! Luckily, when it came to money-my XN had no say as to what I bought. But he made jealous comments about my spending habits and my expensive taste in clothes and food. He may have controlled my emotions and feelings but when it came to money-no way in hell would he ever get that from me. Everything I earn and have belong to my children.

#21 May 12 - 1PM

gullablegull (not verified)

I can relate to this!! MIne

I can relate to this!! MIne threw me crumbs for allowance. Often, not enough for groceries, much less my medicines. He had the money.......I just think he liked having the control and torturing me. Then he would go buy four wheelers, golf carts, boats, just whatever he was compelled to buy! Total emotional abuse......through financial humiliation. I can see he didn't care much about he dressed...... but it would have been nice if I could have shopped somewhere other than goodwill. After all, he's worth millions! Wish I could remember what I saw in him???

#22 May 12 - 1PM

Scoop

Sorry for the swearing , its just a stage .

Yes yes and yes mine did that , he viewed shopping as the past time of the devil , He use to mock everything i brought , from my car right down to what kind of cheese i would buy . We didnt share finanses because he didnt have any so he couldnt get me on price of things so he go me on the fact that i liked to shop and my choise . It was that slow chipping away , to mock someone choise in such a way as to implie his choise was superior , he was superior . Fucking twat . I went shopping a lot since the last d&d and i had to stop myself thinking "what would wank stain narc think of this " it was automatic . I had to make myself stop and ask "what do I think of this " I brought him a small present from a shop and he said he didnt want it because the shop uses sweat shops in china to make their things (all of our clothes are made in sweat shops even if something is expensive the worker only gets a dollar a day )it was the way he dismissed it and didnt even look at what i brough him , he turned his nose up at it BUT IT WAS A PRESENT ...God remembering that moment makes me want to crawl into bed or smash his smugg fucking face in , i cant decide . No one would believe what arrogence i had to put up with . Scoop x

#23 May 12 - 4PM (Reply to #9)

helldweller

Money weirdness

Yes, my multimillionaire Narc would go away on vacation for a week without me and then come home and make fun of a dent in my car, saying, "You're a mess." Buy a new $300 bike for his foster child and then laugh because my daughters had outgrown theirs and I couldn't afford new ones. He was always pissed that I still owned a business with my ex husband because I couldn't buy him out. It would have cost about thirty grand to do it. Do you think after four years of my serving him night and day--cooking for him, buying him gifts, planting his garden, turfing his lawn, taking him out to dinner, etc. etc.-- on one paltry income he could have given me even a six-month loan at interest? No, because he loved saying, "I really can't trust you or commit to you because you still own a business with your ex." The best thing was that he said he would never give a woman anything because his brother had given his ex-wife his mom's engagement ring when they proposed and, after the divorce, she kept it. The wacko thing was that he used to say his granddaughters were going to get the rest of his mom's jewelry. WTF? Where are the granddaughters going to come from?

#24 May 12 - 1PM (Reply to #2)

Scoop

AND he had no problem

AND he had no problem shoving cocaine up his nose on a Friday night , where did he think that came from ? a nice little farm filled of happy adults workers all earning plenty of money and all whistling a merry tune while the tilled the land ........ARRRGGGGGGG !!!!!

#25 May 12 - 1PM (Reply to #3)

narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)

EXACTLY!...

the psycho would be standing there...wearing a 200 dollar tommy bahama shirt..100 dollar ralph lauren shorts...30 dollar ralph lauren underpants full of skid marks...an antique gold wristwatch and 200 hundred dollars shoes...RAGGING on me for buying a pair of sneakers...or two sweatshirts from walmart........ he had to have the best of everything...and expected me to have nothing......i KNOW it's not true....somewhere deep inside i KNEW there was nothing wrong with me having those strawberries......but he's beaten it into for so long...how i'm not worthy of ANYTHING....that i just couldn't let myself buy them.......... it makes me so depressed...i feel like i'll never really be free again......ever........

#26 May 14 - 5PM (Reply to #8)

rochkevin

Damm. I put up with my N b/f

Damm. I put up with my N b/f for 7 monthes but i sure didnt have to put up with all the s... all of you going thru. Wish you all luck. NC is sure the way to go.

#27 May 12 - 2PM (Reply to #7)

Barbara (not verified)

objects don't need things

When I was still well and working... every 3 months a couple of my girlfriends and I would get in our car and go, on a weekend, to one of the outlet centers nearby. If I bought any clothes or shoes or makeup, I would leave them at our neighbor's condo. I'd walk in with one SMALL bag, which exNH would berate me about - but he'd be THRILLED if I bought HIM something! When he was out to one of his fraternal club meetings - I'd slip over to my friend's condo, grab the bags there... clip off ALL the tags there... get rid of all of the evidence there and bring everything back, hang it up or put it away before he got back. I remember thinking - I am an ADULT with a salary - WTF am I doing?!?!?! Now I get a PALTRY amount from the government once a month... and if I so much as get a new shirt and he sees it - he rants on about how he pays my rent & utilities. Summer's coming and I will get DAILY rants about the air conditioning (he doesn't have any...) which my DOCTOR has told him I MUST have. Objects don't need shoes, food, A/C in their minds ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller

#28 May 12 - 2PM (Reply to #4)

gullablegull (not verified)

Buy the strawberries!!!

If not, I will come to Kansas and kick your butt! But the strawberries! Some blueberries too while you're at it!

#29 May 12 - 11PM (Reply to #5)

wallaby (not verified)

LOL

I love this. We WILL ALL come to Kansas City and kick your butt. Your mission, should you choose to accept, it is buy a basket of strawberries and report back to us. We are the anti-Christ rehabilitation squad.

#30 May 13 - 5PM (Reply to #6)

Susan32

Strawberries in California

If you have the chance, come here to California, enjoy the vineyards, olive trees and come get some strawberries! Nothing like handpicked strawberries (from here to Kansas City, or you comin' here) You DESERVE THEM.

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