I am pretty sure there is no speeding up the process.
But: NC; reading everything I can about Narcs and Psychos, not to mention substance abuse; remembering, and writing down the awful behavior I put up with; Yoga; running; a Buddhist retreat, weekends with my sister and mom and dad; enjoying my job (I teach Drama and Direct HS kids); reconnecting with my professional side of work (will be directing a play in SF this summer/fall); being more patient with myself than usual; going to bed earlier; going to Al Anon; doing only what I am proud of (doing the next right thing - personal integrity)...you get the idea.
Lonely at times - yes. But, I need to be comfortable with that, and create a full life alone first. After 4 years with him it will take some time. I also had some pretty traumatic events in my life prior to him so kind of a lot of unraveling. I am just glad to be free again and living my own life, which is pretty great, and getting better.
It is going to happen. Wishing you a really great day!
Peace. J
Thank u again...and Im so glad u r doing so much better..yayyy! I am still waiting to just feel energetic again and yes I get ur point..doing all positive things and things u enjoy!! I just dont seem to enjoy anything yet. 11 mnths NC and I dont know y I still cant imagine going the rest of my life w/o seeing him?? I was so inlove! I cant even get over how destroyed he left me...this is the hardes thing iv ever been thru anf I have been thru alot in my life!
It IS devastating to be disposed of, to not be treated like a human being... but like a plaything that was tossed away. I told one of my friends that I felt prostituted, I had been used for someone's amusement, not actually cared for/about. I wanted the NORMAL closure... which I never got.
My ex-N told me he wanted me to FORGET him (once he saw I no longer idolized him, no longer provided supply)--but to remember how he "taught me to relate to other people." My ex-N was clearly psycho in the eyes of everyone else (including his colleagues)--and he thought he was teaching me valuable life lessons through verbal abuse and repeated public humiliation? Once I was no longer supply, I was NOTHING to him. Since I had exposed him in the process of his D&D, he erased me...
he has all these other ex-girlfriends that he is friends with, has dinner with, hangs around with, likes to be with (allegedly) and for some reason we're just not one of them. I used to tell my N that I was going to break up with him so I could spend some time with him! It's messed up, and I don't know why except to hope that maybe they know we are too good for their BS anymore. Or maybe these other women haven't found new boyfriends and still suck up their crap.
You hit the nail on the head! "...maybe they know we are too good for their BS anymore."
You are no longer supply because you DO know they are BS. It does suck, but you're way better than them and don't need that crap anymore. Time and NC does help....a lot!
Usually, NORMAL relationships end with "We weren't right for each other, but I want you to be happy." I got yelled for saying something to that effect. I wanted the closure of "I want you to be happy" (as well as an apology)--didn't even get that. The ex-N,whom I spent 3 years with... D&D'd me like some toy he wasn't interested in anymore. At least when my friend Matt got engaged-and even though that ended badly-we're still friends. He wasn't romantically interested in me, BUT WE'RE FRIENDS.
When you expose the N,,,and he never contacts you again,,,
After I exposed my exN after 3 years of a "growing and intimate relationship" he devoided of contact,,,couple statments,,,"do you want to talk,,,seems like you don't want to talk",,,,,was it,,,,I did not call, text, email,,nothing,,total NC,,,and he has not contacted me in over 6 months,,,tried to get my attention in the hall one day (WTF!) after that,,,nothing,,,still fear he will,,it is a fear,,,,
My stepsisters tease me because I really am still friends with just about every boyfriend I've ever had since high school. Some of them in regular contact.
That's what makes this experience so frickin' weird.
Even with the ex's that are friends, there was a NC period.
I think that is normal.
I will post another story at some point because I now realize my last big love affair(even though this one I've been writing about is SO MUCH WORSE) was a N-spath situation. I just had no resources to find out what the hell happened to me at the time. It was 13 years ago.
My newest ex N-spath was different, but how I feel afterwards is similar. Except this time it is amplified...much worse.
Guess I feel my "perfect love" when I am in fantasy-land. This is something that must change.
My ex-N threw a tantrum when I confronted him about him not telling me about his LA girlfriend (I met her, by chance, at a concert--of course the pair made a quick retreat, with him waaay ahead of her) He said that I put him in an "awkward position." Had he mentioned in JUNIOR year that he had a girlfriend in LA,yes,I wouldn't have gone out to lunch with him anymore, but I wouldn't have carried a torch for him, I would've moved on, respected him, been a little disappointed, wouldn't have declared my love, wouldn't have gotten publicly humiliated.
I congratulated him on his engagement,and he called it a "violation." This engagement was supposed to be "private" (I intuited it,it's not like I asked his friends) He acted wounded. When I told him "Better HAPPY with her, than UNHAPPY with me"--he raged again.
Wanting him to be happy somehow offended him deeply. Whenever I tell this story, people say that he was acting weird... and insane... well,I do live in a beautiful part of the Bay Area,and the asylum is down the street from me.
I am pretty sure there is no
Peace. J
Janet
smileyfacepr
Feeling like trash...
Oh, yes, its that
You hit the nail on the
How NORMAL relationships end
When you expose the N,,,and he never contacts you again,,,
I hear you Susan32
Bad wedding juju?