The "Bad Man"

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#1 May 9 - 11PM

loveofmylife

The "Bad Man"

My N was in a legal battle about 2 years ago. An old business partner of his, that apparently went bad and wound up in a nasty, long legal fight. N always told me this man was "bad" and that N did the right thing from an integrity standpoint and fired the "bad man" from the business. Never used the "bad man"'s real name with me....this went on for about two years...whenever he said the "bad man" - I knew who he was talking about. Well, "bad man" won the legal battles. N said that he bought his way out of it.

Well, now the primary bank I am working with has "bad man" as a VP in the same office that I am working out of.

N got concerned about it. Called me... and said "i will do whatever it takes to make sure that bad man doesn't get anywhere near you or your company. I've seen him destroy a company before and I don't want him to do it to you too. Don't go anywhere near him...don't let him get involved with you. This is my (my-name)-protection-gene. I don't want anything to happen to you." He has many times told me he has a (my-name) protection gene that he was born with, and I always thought it was so sweet (before I learned about predators and controlling on this board!)

Anyway....of course I am so tempted now to talk to "bad man" and find out if the real reason N was keeping me away from him is that he is really a good guy that would trash N's character....

I might have my chance in the next two weeks to meet "bad man".

#2 May 10 - 9PM

Amazed

The "Bad Man" by the Who...Lyrics,,PROFOUND about Psychopaths

No one knows what it's like To be the bad man To be the sad man Behind blue eyes No one knows what it's like To be hated To be fated To telling only lies But my dreams They aren't as empty As my conscience seems to be I have hours, only lonely My love is vengeance That's never free No one knows what it's like To feel these feelings Like I do And I blame you No one bites back as hard On their anger None of my pain and woe Can show through But my dreams They aren't as empty As my conscience seems to be I have hours, only lonely My love is vengeance That's never free When my fist clenches, crack it open Before I use it and lose my cool When I smile, tell me some bad news Before I laugh and act like a fool If I swallow anything evil Put your finger down my throat If I shiver, please give me a blanket Keep me warm, let me wear your coat No one knows what it's like To be the bad man To be the sad man Behind blue eyes

#3 May 11 - 7AM (Reply to #22)

narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)

that one has always given me the chills..........

that one bothered me when i was a teenager...... and bothers me to this day...... i got the vibe of that one even in my innocent youth.... i think it's one of the most chilling songs ever written.... i'd wanted to do some kind of documentary about psychopaths for years......and that is the song that i wanted to use as the background....because it says it all.....

#4 May 10 - 10PM (Reply to #20)

Janet

Yep, every time I hear that

Yep, every time I hear that song - that's it. Peace. J

Peace. J

#5 May 10 - 11PM (Reply to #21)

Barbara (not verified)

Behind Blue Eyes

this song's been brought up on this board numerous times ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller

#6 May 10 - 1PM

TexN (not verified)

I would bet

The "bad man" is really a nice guy. How old is your ex??! "Bad man!" I thought we were going to be discussing a child calling someone a "bad man". Geez, sounds pretty childish!

#7 May 10 - 4PM (Reply to #13)

loveofmylife

texn

N is 50 years old. I have googled "Bad Man" and he is on the board of many nonprofits for the blind and other disadvantaged groups and on the board for the public schools....so at least "bad man" has that going for him.

#8 May 10 - 6PM (Reply to #14)

Barbara (not verified)

caution

careful - Ns love to hide behind that sort of stuff but still - If you meet him and get the chance - be sure to bring up exN... ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller

#9 May 10 - 6PM (Reply to #15)

loveofmylife

non profits

yes, i read that on one of the articles, so I will be cautious about that. And I can't wait to meet "bad man". N would flip.

#10 May 10 - 6PM (Reply to #16)

Barbara (not verified)

loveofmylife

one of the things they really HATE - is when you meet the "forbidden" people; the ones they tell you "don't talk to them" usually these people are a treasure trove of info! ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller

#11 May 10 - 9PM (Reply to #18)

better off

Yeah, but don't tell him

Yeah, but don't tell him anything until AFTER you meet this bad man. They could both be bad, that's possible, I agree with Barbara that the charity board stuff is no guarantee. In fact, I am now MORE suspicious of people in those positions, sad isn't it? But at least God gets the devil to pay for some good in the world somehow. I think the bad man will be very interesting! Now I'm thinking of you, loveofmylife, as the main character in the movie Angel and the Bad Man. Lol. That's all of us I guess. :)

#12 May 10 - 9PM (Reply to #17)

neveragain5

Definitely true, Barbara.

Definitely true, Barbara. Usually, the worse N thinks of them, the more they have figured the N out. Mine was always trying to split and keep me from talking to other people. The excuses that he would come up with were ridiculous. Keep us posted loveofmylife!

#13 May 10 - 6AM

narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)

bad people

oh yeah....the psycho had a long list of BAD PEOPLE..BAD people i was supposed to stay away from and not talk to.....they were are BAD.....yeah...BAD NEWS FOR HIM.....because they knew his dirty little secrets......

#14 May 10 - 6AM

Barbara (not verified)

loveofmylife

I sure would just casually ask 'bad man' if he knows N... if he says yes then ask him for a private opinion of N... its amazing what you will find out AFTER you figure them out ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller

#15 May 9 - 11PM

quietude (not verified)

loveof...

Oh, this is rich. More like his "oh sh**!" gene! He doesn't want anything to happen to HIM. His interest is only in protecting his own hide. It has nothing to do with you. Ugh, the transparency is glaring with this guy. Good for you to see the situation for what it is! Have fun if you get that meeting with 'bad man'..and whatever you do, don't tell the snake.

#16 May 10 - 10AM (Reply to #9)

hope4me

all BS

My story is a little different but same basic principal. My ex NH got involved with a "con man" several years ago and went into business with him, even after numerous people had told him not to, including myself. He stole money from my ex NH ruined his businesses and got him in all kinds of legal trouble. I had no idea of any of this because the ex hid it from me until my BIL let it slip one day. Once I started digging and uncovering the shit he was involved in, along with his cheating he told me he was leaving because he did not want me involved and he wanted to protect me. Here it is 4 years later and creditors are still calling me to try and get him to pay his debt. To this day he tells me it was all to protect me, total BS. No, he got caught, I uncovered the mask and stop putting up with his crap.

#17 May 10 - 1AM (Reply to #4)

loveofmylife

:)

The "oh sh**!" gene made me laugh, thanks. Whenever he talked about his (my name)-protection-gene in the past, it always made me feel so good and cared for (my vulnerability in my marriage since I never feel that way).... but this time it didn't have that impact. I've never sensed anything negative in N when I talk to him. He always seems like the most genuine, sincere, integrity-filled person with excellent character. But I've been swimming in him for years. Not able to see the forest through the trees. Stepping back a little bit with NC and then having this call out of the blue at home (another 1 hour phone call a couple weeks ago)....where even though the phone call was long and talked about alot of business things....it was clear that his concern about "bad man" was the main reason he called. I think it was the first time I was able to see through him to a possible ulterior motive. So hopefully this is a sign of more to come... my life and my sanity so badly needs this to get resolved and go away.

#18 May 10 - 12PM (Reply to #5)

better off

..and how friggin weird is

..and how friggin weird is it that he called him "bad man" and not by his name? Weird! Yeah, I can see how the "name-protection-gene" was a real effective thing to say. Weak in the knees, oh he loves me, kind of thing. So sad that they are soooo full of shit. And mind control tactics.

#19 May 10 - 5PM (Reply to #6)

loveofmylife

Protection Gene

Yep, one of those other things he always said to me to make me thing he loved me at the cellular level (like he was made for me), just like I loved him at the cellular level. Of course, my feelings were real, and it appears that his were fake.

#20 May 11 - 12AM (Reply to #7)

better off

Yes. They convince you that

Yes. They convince you that you're made for each other... and then they throw you away.

#21 May 11 - 6AM (Reply to #8)

Barbara (not verified)

loveofmylife

it appears that his were fake APPEARS?? ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller

#22 May 9 - 11PM

neveragain5

He's trying to keep you away

He's trying to keep you away from him so you guys won't talk about him and discuss the "truth". Definitely make an attempt to meet the, "bad man". They try to keep parts of their lives and people compartmentalized so that they can control what is said about them and also what others do.

#23 May 9 - 11PM

Susan32

Take it as praise

My ex-N said contemptible things about my friends... turns out they were THE REAL ONES. He had a low opinion of my friends, I defended them... and they were FOR REAL. If a Narc despises someone, it's usually because they're good.

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