I find your observation about the mean notes after you'd experienced something positive quite pertinent. My ex-N would constantly ask me,"Why are you always happy?" He'd give me the serpent stare if I DARED to be happy. My friends hated how I'd be cheerful with them, then become solemn and glum around him just to please him.
If I every confronted my N on anything:
"I don't think we should have sex anymore...it's not working..I'm not happy"
or "people love me"
If he thought he was going to get away with it:
"I know I'm a c***... but I do love you"
If he was supposed to give me money for anything(we didn't live together but he was at mine alot)
"I'll give you that money tomorrow (it was always jam tomorrow, never jam today)
The list goes on and on and the more I journel and read other peoples experiences the more I realize how lucky(if not a bit lonely) I am to get rid of the using creep.
My xN would say "I am god" when I complimented him. When I had no motivation at the gym, he's say "well, look at me, that should be motivation enough", " I am who I am today because of you, please don't leave me", "all women cheat", "you'll find there's no one like me" and I said, I know-cause they're all in jail. " I live for u"-and I would reply, please as if, it's for thyself. "I don't care what my friends say about me". Another lie-he refused to do squats for 7 yrs cause a woman told him he had a booty butt. "I didn't lie, I just didn't tell u" "am I the best in bed u've ever been with", "did u cum". "Send me pics of your tits and ass"- and I thought never mind the rest of me. "I am nothing without u". I asked him what things he thought he could improve within himself, and he replied " I can improve my eating habits but other than that, nothing-look at me, I'm a model of perfection".
he had many....but none that revealed him for what he was....some of his most repeated ones were....
'i've thrown away many a fortune'.......true..but none of the fortunes was HIS....
another one that will go down in history was one he put in WRITING when he had to rescind a false police report he filed against me.....'it was true when i said it, but it's not true now'.......
and then there was the one that i intend to use as the piece of shit's epitaph.....
'i'm quite pleased with myself'.....
no matter what he did....lay drunk...lie, cheat, steal, con...beat me or murder my dog..and no matter what anyone else thought of him or said to him...he would sneer and say......'i'm quite pleased with myself'....
"I love when people talk about me behind my back. It means I am important."
"I have people in there (meaning my company) who will do whatever I tell them to do."
"You will never see me angry." (He controlled it, but you could see it boiling up in his eyes when he talked about something or someone that made him very angry...like his father or his mother.)
"I don't need 'it'" (Meaning sex with a woman, which might be true since I have been reading so much about N/Ps being just fine with masturbation, online sex, porn, etc.
"I will put fear into them!"
"I have to separate emotions from sex."
"I guess this means I don't get a hand job?" He would say this every time I tried to end it with him.
Geez, how shallow and superficial and empty they are. And they must be terribly unhappy and unfulfilled inside.
THese are the ones I got:
1.) You are so lucky to have me, any woman would love to have me.
2.) Do you know how many women hit on me every day? A lot. But I chose you.
3.) During sex he would always say "Do you love me? I wish you loved me as much as I love you."
4.) After he didn't come home all day into the night and I finally got in touch with him asking if he was coming home he said "I want you to go to bed tonight and think about what you have and what you have done." Then he hung up leaving me in tears.
5.) In a restaurant after the young waitress took our order casually flirting with him in front of me and ignoring my sitting there my 5 year old said "She's pretty." My XNH says "Yeah, can daddy take her home?" I felt sick and had to go to the bathroom, I coldn't eat. Looking back and being as strong as I am now, I would have thrown my food at him.
6.) After a disagreement at the lake on the way home in front of the kids he says "You're an excellent mother but not a very good wife." Again, I was brought to tears.
7.) "You're the one who screwed up our life, if you would have given me more attention I would have helped you around the house and with the kids."
8.) When I lost weight during the divorce, actually too much weight, I was thin to begin with he said "You should have done that a long time ago, it would have improved your self esteem." No you jerk, you ruined my self esteem.
I can go on and on. Funny how I really had forgotten so many until I joined this forum. It does help to keep remembering that crap, helps with NC.
One of my AH HA moments....
"I'm happy with my life. There isn't anything I need to work on."
Coming from the alcoholic, lying, cheating, abusing, thief.
Most normal people I know are always trying to improve themselves.
And yes Barbara, I know they are not normal and not even HUMAN!:) I didn't used to believe that but after learning so much on this site, I make an exception for the N/S/P's in the world, and there are many!
Favorite quote of his:
"All women are whores until proven otherwise" and yes he is teaching this to his sons.
and what he said to me over and over again
"I guess my demons are too great"
"I just don't feel any emotion, I wish I did, but I don't"
OH GOD. mine said the same thing about american psycho. he ADORED that movie and christian bale's character. sicko.
some other gems...
"I require nothing of this pitiful planet." ... a dr. manhattan quote. he loves watchmen and constantly quotes that character, who in the movie is portrayed as some sort of superhuman, godlike creature who can see the future and knows all. He compared himself to him constantly.
"I don't need some depressed girl in my life, I'm way too smart, successful, young for your depressive shit." .. gee, wonder why I was depressed.
"Are you really surprised? I'm 24, make tons of money, and work out. Why wouldnt I have a bunch of girls?" .. in reference to me informing him that dating 3 women at once when none had any idea of the other was disgusting.
"Theres nothing wrong with what I said. I just wish you were more like your sister. She's thin and outgoing, you just sit at home getting fatter and being depressed" ... when i confronted him about hitting on my younger sister and sending her a host of perverted texts and come-ons, much to her horror and disgust.
"You're lucky I'm so nice. I'm sure I should have left the airport the moment I found you." ... when I confronted him for cheating on me, he decided to go the route of calling me worthless and fat.
"I'm sure that'll get you over new years. How I talked to that red head all night rather than you. But unfortunately I did have to courtesy kiss you when the ball dropped" .. when I pointed out his hypocrisy and how he couldnt keep his hands off me the moment he picked me up from the airport.
More D&D gems:
"You act like no ones fucked a fat girl. Wes fucked you and he can bang tons of girls." (Wes, my ex prior to N)
"Ok stop the inspirational ugly girl speech I wanna tell you congratulations on blowing chance number 5 phrynia" (phrynia is the bizarre name he applies to what he claims is my 'bitchy' alter ego.. aka when i actually would call him on his shit and refuse to take it.)
"You'll never lose weight, you'll never finish school, you'll never get a good job like me. you'll never be able to do anything."
"Lawls get over yourself. You're nothing special girls wit self esteem issues are a dime a dozen"
.... yea, i could go on for days here.
He said "i did LSD and i felt all my feelings at once and then i put them in a walnut and that is where they still are "
also " im trying to help you with things but you wont let me"
also " people are not better than me they are just on a diffrent level "
also " did you come ?"
oh i could go on all day !
Scoop x
"did you come"?
wow..mine used to say that to me too. It's like..."uhhhh, could you not tell by listening to me and uh, feeling me..er contract.."
seriously, they are so immature emotionally. I just dont know how I could of been so blind. I do...but, damn.
Mine would say that too! Well....when we had sex that is...before we married. "did you come"...
I always wanted to say........
DUH....of course not, I faked it as always dummy..........
I had to laugh when i read this because maybe this is some new red flag indicator:) in the beginning mine would ask 'did you come?' later he began saying 'i know you came at least 3 times' Mostly i never had and when i did i had to work really really hard to get there. Most of the time i had to go home and finish myself off. I used to tell him that if i was a man i'd have 'blue balls' LOL.
I hate to lower the tone on a friday evening but i never came , i faked it every time , he really thought that 30 seconds of penetration was enough for a woman to come , i guess it proves the fact that he couldnt see anyone as separate from him .. 30 seconds was enough for him so it must be enough for every one .. so he asked "did you come ?" and i would say "sure ... why not " he still didnt get it lol ...pillock ...
When he went off with this other girl while we where in our "friends" stage , we got back together and i tried to bring up the issue of his ED he said "other women didnt complaine " meaning her i said "women are kind". He had worked such a quick brain wash on her in 2 weeks she was a basket case turning up at his room in the middle of the night "stalking him " so he said . I knew what he had done to her he picked her up and then dropped her like a stone , she was only 21 ..Poor girl .
God i hate that arse hole .
Scoop x
makes me shudder....the psychonarc had a goatee..i think a lot of them do...so they more closely resemble their master..LUCIFER.......
mine never once hinted that he was demonic...he just let me find out the hard way.....
My Ex N also has a goatee...He did LSD too in his twenties...he also told me he felt he had 2 people within him...a really old man and a kid....believe me or not he has a very deep voice,you look at him he was relax,calm,cool and wise....but other times,his voice just changed the twinkle in his eyes....he was really like a 4 ,5 years old...and he told me,when he felt like that kid is when he didn't think much about consequences.....is just creepy....Because before he told me that i had sensed that already....That i was dealing with 2 different people....He also had a thing with angels....he adored the movie The Prophecy....And yes,sometimes he used phrases that also were used in movies...like I never paid vor pussy....This is from Thunderbolt and Lightfoot....those guys are all alike,they morph into anything....
For my ex-N,he WANTED to be hated. After all the cr@p he pulled, he was shocked-SHOCKED-that I wasn't following his script and despising him. He went into some bizarre Oedipal shat and said that I was supposed to hate him. He defined the teacher/student relationship as fundamentally antagonistic (I had had him for one class freshman year) Okay, how you are supposed to admire/respect/hate one's teacher AT THE SAME TIME? It didn't make any sense.
He couldn't stand it that I didn't hate him--but that I did dislike his actions and consider them pitiful and pathetic.
As far as the 'evil' quotes, mine would say things about his 'dark voice'.
It actually scares the crap out of me NOW more than it did then, because I didn't even know he was an N until after he left.
He would say, "I try not to listen to the dark voices in me, but under these circumstances, that's how I'm leaning.."
It would be mostly be if I wasn't 'cooperating' with him, so to speak. It was part of his D&D repertoire, his intimidation and manipulation. Really sick.
He always said these things playfully while laughing. Probably because I said them in the same way. Looking back, I did this a lot and didn't recognize that I as calling it as I saw it. After he would leave, these things would run through my head over and over. The other thoughts that ran through my head were "Sleeping with the enemy" and one time he said, "Everythings a negotiation, isn't it?". I looked that up because it was so ominous....that's right, folks, "The Devil's Advocate", straight from Pacino's mouth.
I rarely use his name when referencing him to others anymore. Simply say "The Devil." When D&D was started, I asked him if the numbers 666 were inscibed into his scalp neath his hair. He gave me a puzzled look. Ha!
A friend and I refer to the ex-N as "He Who Must Not Be Named." We know what role he played in the Harry Potter series... and it wasn't a good one...
My friend wrote a literary essay based on what happened between the ex-N and I using John Fowles' "The Collector" as its basis. "The Collector" is about a sociopathic serial killer.
Narcs hate happiness
Same tune different word
quotes
his most famous lines..
What my N/P would say....
infamous quotes
One of my AH HA
Quotes
OH GOD. mine said the same
american psycho
Aceonelady
He said "i did LSD and i
"did you come"? wow..mine
Mine would say that too!
Mine would say that too!
almostlydia
Woundedsoul
mine would do this too. it
mine NEVER CAME..he could
the goatee.........
Mine was obsessed with
facial hair...yes i do think we have the same...
Aceonelady
goatee and drugs....
Aceonelady
He got off on being hated
quotes
He always said these things
quotes
People notice
Call mine The Devil
Good one, Ghostbuster! :) It
He Who Must Not Be Named
That movie, "The Collector"