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Don't understand

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#1 Apr 18 - 10PM
enoughalready
enoughalready's picture

Don't understand

My XN was sooo into his friends, always chose to spend time with them rather than w/me, loved going out drinking with them and checking out the women, played poker twice a week, rarely made time to be with me. If he is looking or already with new supply, why is he still txting me and seeking me out few times a week? He says he loves me yet I know he knows nothing of love. But why use me for sex when there's plenty of other willing women? I've rejected him so much, you'd think he would disappear altogether. We had not been intimate for 10 weeks, and it didn't feel like it normally felt. In fact, he touched me differently and I had a gut feeling he had been with someone else just by the way he kissed and touched me. I would think he'd leave me alone for good after my 5 weeks of NC. It's a few days NC now and this June I'll be out of town for the summer. Perfect season for my XN-bikinis and women everywhere for him to feast on. I hate everything about him.

Apr 19 - 6AM
narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

old supply

the will toss a crumb here and there to old supply....IF they think there is a chance they might someday get to use you again....they'll try to keep you on the line...they're lazy, and it's always easier to recycle than go out there and drag down fresh meat........
Apr 19 - 9AM (Reply to #10)
woundedsoul36
woundedsoul36's picture

the F@!CKING bread crumb

the F@!CKING bread crumb thing is sooooooooooooo subtle! After the lovebombing and the withdrawals..they come back and then go again only to pop up like once a week. You KNOW that is a different behavior pattern from what they are usually but the withdrawing for long amounts of time confuses you and you convince yourself "They still must love me/be interested in me..they continue to call/text/see me" but in reality, it's just they don't want to burn bridges to potential NS (the recycling of NS).. I hate this shit.
Apr 19 - 10AM (Reply to #11)
woundedsoul36
woundedsoul36's picture

Ohh and the how they

Ohh and the how they constantly make you feel like you are "disposable"... the feeling that you have been "demoted" to them...
Apr 19 - 11AM (Reply to #12)
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

to add...

...the threats of being abandoned if I didn't constantly agree with him. If I complained about behavior, it was, "well, maybe I'm not the man for you then..."...no working ANYTHING out behavior-wise, just THREATS. Funny how he was actually right about that line though!
Apr 19 - 1AM
woundedsoul36
woundedsoul36's picture

Good One

http://planetjan.wordpress.com/2008/07/05/close-encounter-with-a-narcissist-part-1/
Apr 19 - 9AM (Reply to #8)
Scoop
Scoop's picture

This is a must read . I had

This is a must read . I had a cry when it mentioned doing a favor to a narc and they can never return it as they dont need the help of an insignificant like you so they have to D&D you . I did a favor to mine out of the goodness of my heart( and much brain washing over a period of a year lol) i drove him two countys away to a day school i had no intrest in attending . I was there for the day bored out of my skull , on the way back i thought the least he could do was buy me a coke but he didnt have any money (he stole one in the end from a garage )I was so tired and had a bad back and i was moody on the way home , he stuck his head in a game on his phone and when i complained he said "i didnt make you come , i didnt make you drive , you wanted to do it " ARRRGGGGGGG the only way that stupid man could have got to this place is if i took him , he knew that but not a word of thanks and just a stolen diet coke for my effots and a good putting down ... WANKER ..... Scoop x
Apr 18 - 10PM
neveragain5
neveragain5's picture

Who knows? Being with their

Who knows? Being with their friends is easy. Mine always placed his as a priority over me too. I guess it depends on what he was "considering" you for. They will take anything they can get from you. Even if it's just texting. It doesn't matter where the attention comes from. It also doesn't matter who he's seeing. They will keep trying to get back with you no matter what. I have insulted my ex SOOOO much and he doesn't care. That's the way they are.
Apr 18 - 10PM (Reply to #6)
enoughalready
enoughalready's picture

neveragain5

yeah, you're right-who knows? The narcs are really from another planet. Sometimes I feel he was only with me in hopes to provide HIM a good lifestyle. He always asked me to marry him, even when we were breaking up. I'm sure he has used me for sex as well, but hopefully he'll find someone else to replace me.
Apr 18 - 10PM
Introspection
Introspection's picture

He sees you as his property...

I've asked this same question on this site and was told that it was because they see us as their property. There thought process is not like ours so what would offend you like someone telling you to get lost, does not offend them. With them is about controlling and brainwashing...chasing after you then is in line with what they do best. He has nothing to loose and your continued "ugly" treatment does not hurt him, in fact, you in essence become a challenge. They go to extremes, I moved 2000 miles to get away from my xN and he followed me here...that's extreme. AND by the way, he did not follow me here to be with me, he is dating other women. Don't try to understand them, it doesn't make sense. This is something I keep having to repeat to myself because a lot of what he does totally frustrates me! Hope this helped.
Apr 18 - 10PM (Reply to #2)
enoughalready
enoughalready's picture

introspection

Yes-thanks every comment helps me try to understand someone who's not normal. I don't care what he does with his life, I just hope one day he'll be out of my life for good. I never had to deal with this type of pathology.
Apr 18 - 10PM (Reply to #3)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

they like to keep their

they like to keep their options open who cares, though - really? NO CONTACT. No TEXTS, NO calls NOTHING. What does your therapist say about this? ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
Apr 18 - 11PM (Reply to #4)
loveofmylife
loveofmylife's picture

Opens Open

Good lord, they like to keep their options open. Just like mine who knew I was in love with him and wanted to be in a relationship with him, tracking me down and begging me to go into business with him, promptly taking me to a romantic restaurant on the ocean and telling me that he was proposed to but turned it down asking himself "what the hell am I doing" and then a few months later, telling me that he was not interested in a relationship with me and that I was reading too much into what he did. They love the adoration, he wanted me as an option. He didn't MEAN anything by it.