by Steve Becker, LCSW
Research has suggested that some sociopaths may experience something like “sociopathic burnout,†characterized by a reduction in their antisocial behavioral output as they move through middle and older age. (This is a type of decline in production to be glad for.)
What this does not mean is that sociopaths “outgrow†their sociopathic orientation, anymore than a career thief outgrows his thief’s mentality.
“Sociopathic burn-out,†let me stress, is not to be mistaken for something as chimerical (and unrealistic) as the sociopath’s “personal growth.†One might be tempted to regard the aging sociopath’s “mellowing†as a signal of his perhaps, finally, “growing up;†of his acquiring perhaps, finally, a more mature grasp of his priorities; of his having learned, perhaps at long last, finally to appreciate and value his blessings (including you).
Don’t be deceived. The aging sociopath’s “mellowing†will have nothing to do with a maturation, genuine repentance or self-discovery process. In the end, it will be about “burnout,†and nothing more.
And “burnout†really isn’t so complicated. We all burn-out. All of us, as we age, lose energy, requiring, over time, that we grow more selective in the allocation of our decreasing energy reserves.
Accordingly, we might find ourselves, gradually, apportioning less of our energy to activities and behaviors that failed to tax us in our younger, indefatigable days.
And let’s not kid ourselves: The life of the exploiter is energy-draining. It may take a sociopath to chronically exploit others unconscionably, but it also takes a considerable toll of energy.
And so the sociopath, whose energy is as finite as yours, tires. As he moves past his prime, he finds that his shenanigans now come with a cost, a price, just as, at 40, or 50, you find that recovering from a bender isn’t as easy, as painless, as when you were 20, or 25.
Like the veteran Hollywood stunt man, the aging sociopath finds he can no longer pull off stunt after stunt without confronting an emerging reality: the satisfaction he gets from his outrageous stunts no longer necessarily (after all these years) supercedes the cost to himself, which grows bit by bit as he “ages†not out of his shallowness and lovelessness, but his energy.
The sociopath, in other words, hasn’t been humanized by age, merely depleted by age of the energy levels necessary to sustain his flagrant, sociopathic machinations.
And so, sadly, the aging sociopath will not, finally, come to love or genuinely respect you; he will not “evolve†a true, belated appreciation of everything you promised him that he foully besmirched in his previous immaturity.
Rather, increasingly fatigued and/or dependent, he will only value, as always and now perhaps more than ever, the convenience (if he’s lucky) that your companionship affords him in his now “mellower,†but really just more tired, incarnation.
(My use of “he†in this post and others is merely a convenience, and not meant to suggest that males have a patent on sociopathy.)
http://www.powercommunicating.com
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I just read the posting on memory and all of the different types of memory. this could explain why narcissists collapse at 60. they lose at everything, have only bad memories, and are at an age where they can't attract new victims easily. they can't sustain themselves because they can't get narcissistic supply and just emotionally starve.
I still like Governor Richards two expressions for male losers better: Big Hat No Cattle and That's just a Dog that Don't Hunt. Its funnier.
Narcissists lose ALL touch with reality.
There is no 'bad memories' for them - just their revisionist history.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com
Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals
http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
I just read an article about the late Governor of Texas Ms. Richards who was an ex-alcoholic and a tough politician. She had two expressions that she used to describe male losers and they are so funny I have been laughing all day:
1. big hat-no cattle
2. that's just a dog that don't hunt!
When you think about it it describes why narcissists fail.They are just full of baloney and nothing they do works. I think the victims of these losers take them too seriously and then get devastated by their problems creating a problem state for the victims.
I am 52 finallydone - and for me, it's the "why deal with anyone else's BULLCRAP" age. ;)
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com
Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals
http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
My recent ex N said he didn't want to live past 70 (he's now middle-aged). Couldn't bear getting old and feeble. He had no tolerance for his parents aging either. It disgusted him. Overweight people disgusted him (including my relatives...he literally wouldn't look at them unless absolutely forced). He also once told me he had to leave a retail store because a woman shopping there had a physical abnormality on her face. I think they can't stand aging because it implies being "imperfect" and contradicts their fantasy world and their own belief they are perfect beings.
Yes, narcissists don't want to admit that they will age. They dread it. Barbara mentioned the Picture of Dorian Gray, which is about about a narcissist's fear of aging. It scares them more than most people because, as Ghostbuster said, they have to acknowledge they will be imperfect and there's nothing they can do about it. Seeing other people age makes this more real to them. They don't want to face it or deal with it at all.
Ghost - my NH said the same thing! He is also middle-aged (barely at 36). I just don't understand that attitude... well, knowing he is an N puts in perspective for me...
Aging Out?
I just read the posting on
memory
Ann Richards
I just read an article about
I have seen this a lot but I
I'd like to know this too.
Heh
My recent ex N said he
Narcissists dread aging
Mine Too!