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Talk v actions

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#1 Apr 12 - 4AM
Scoop
Scoop's picture

Talk v actions

I get that you never listern to what a Narc says you watch what they do and there you will understand whats going on with him but i have mostly encountered with talking to you guys that the "talk " was all "i love you , your the only one for me blah blah " and then he is off screwing another woman right . Well my narc it was the other way around .He would tell me "i dont love you and i never had " but he was always by my side .
take this one time i refused to answer his calls for a week and i come home and he is sitting at my door step ( its a long bus ride for him ) so i think excellent he has seen the error of his ways and here he is how romantic if only it had been raining the sceen would have been compleat .This is what any girl would have thought if they where dealing with a normal guy right ? so he hugs me as if his life depended on it he stays the afternoon all hugs and love , he then leaves i call him and he says "i dont love you , i never have "
Its stuff like this that keeps me awake at night.
Scoop x

Apr 12 - 2PM
seancunningham
seancunningham's picture

The Fun is Over

Once you figure them out, the fun and sport is gone for them. They thrive on the sport of driving you crazy.
Apr 12 - 4PM (Reply to #9)
loveofmylife
loveofmylife's picture

The sport is gone

omg....you are so right. I can see that now. He thrives on just holding out what I want. And that is what he is doing with the other women as well. Stops every relationship just short of what the women want. fake girlfriend wants to get married. He can do everything but get married. girl "friend" wants to have sex. They go on dates, he tells her how much he loves her body and would love to see her naked, and they talk about sex, but don't have sex. emotional lover wants to be in a relationship with him. he will be in a verbal love relationship, but never be in a relationship. He begs the emotional lover to visit him and he will be "safe". She declines. So this one is still a fun game for him. Me (the other emotional lover) also wanted the relationship. But he has gotten everything from me that he wants (i moved here and we went into business together and he knows he could have a relationshp with me anytime he wants - so where is the fun in that anymore). So I'm no fun anymore. He has already had his fun and sport with me...he knows he can win and has....and he knows he can drive my crazy. So now that I figured him out - he needs to go have his fun and sport with someone else and drive them crazy over him for awhile. Yep, it all makes sense.
Apr 12 - 8PM (Reply to #10)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

accountability

and once you call them out and demand accountability they run for the hills leaving a smear campaign against you behind them... ~~~~~~~~~ Repetition does not transform a lie into the truth. - Franklin D. Roosevelt Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals
Apr 12 - 11PM (Reply to #11)
loveofmylife
loveofmylife's picture

you are right barbara

the smear started the day after I asked him to go on a one hour walk with me and I guess as you say "demanded accountability" "why did you imply you wanted a relationship with me by saying x,y,z over 22 years, if you didn't really mean it" "why did you pursue me to work with you and spend all of our time together, knowing that I was in love with you if you didn't really care about me?" "you told me you were in a commitment relationship, but I walked into a date with someone else you were having...what is going on?" And I asked these questions in a very calm, gentle way - non accusatory, more inquiring for my own understanding, and he seemed nervous but ok with the conversation. And then yes, the very next day is when I was smeared to everyone on email.
Apr 12 - 11PM (Reply to #12)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

where it belongs

Yup. Psycho-Boy? the minute he heard from me asking why he lied, why he looked me up after 37 years just to use me for sex, why he lied about his intentions, why he lied about his marriage, why he was hitting on all my friends, etc? The smear started and Narc #1 mentioned here (http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2010/04/06/stunned) Yup the minute I told him the devastation just KNOWING him and dating him for a nano-second visited on my life and even my parents - I never got even an "I am sorry" - I got a letter from him & another mutual friend telling me never to contact them again, and the woman he's now married to sent me an email saying to never contact HER again... then I heard I was "still in love with him" and "stalking him" Now I hear to 'get over it' and 'move on' - there's no moving on from character assassination and psychological rape. My life has gone forward, I am trying to help others and I have wonderful children... but no, when someone shreds your soul and then tosses you away like a dirty sock... where's the accountability? Personally, I think we have every right to demand accountability. We need to stand up to the smear and say what I do to their proxies & sychophants "And you believed N? Gosh I'd think you'd know me better than that!" or "I wonder what N has to hide telling a whopper about me like that?" -- toss it back in their court. Where it belongs. ~~~~~~~~~ Repetition does not transform a lie into the truth. - Franklin D. Roosevelt Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals
Apr 12 - 12PM
herlatestvictim
herlatestvictim's picture

a little of both

My N was all love talk, gifts, attention... until I realized that she was lying, cheating, etc... As long as I PRETEND that she is great and that I believe what she says, despite the fact that I have caught her red handed in lies, she is all love talk. If I expect anything in return, refer to lies that were told, or my favorite, call her on a lie before it actually happens ("sure you're going to take a nap on your lunch break and that's why you won't be calling me... you could just tell me that you are going to lunch with HER")that is when I am told things like "I don't care about you anyway" or "That's why I can't stand you." or my favorite "You are just like my mother, you can't let things go." They are sick and twisted master manipulators... yet once you have their number they are so simple to figure out! Their behavior becomes so predictable!
Apr 12 - 1PM (Reply to #7)
woundedsoul36
woundedsoul36's picture

once you figure them out is

once you figure them out is when they put you away like a broken toy to play with again on the next rainy day
Apr 12 - 11AM
loveofmylife
loveofmylife's picture

Scoop

I'm so glad you posted this....something about mine seemed different too, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. For years, he praised me constantly...you are beautiful, amazing, soulmate, I am attracted to you in the Nth degree, blah, blah, blah....but then when I told him I'd love a relationship with him, it was "I don't feel 'that way' about you because of the circumstances". Which I read to mean "married and live far away". So I fixed the far away thing, was working on the married thing....and then it was "I can't think about you in that manner" (which I thought was him just being virtuous and "doing the right thing" which he said he was doing) He always acted like he wanted us to be together (just like yours), he called 10 times/day, texted 5 times/day, and was with me constantly - always making sure I knew he was "available" even recently...but still denied it. My confusion this whole time was 1. was he denying it because it was "the right thing to do". And once I became available it would be different. 2. was he denying it because he really didn't feel that way. But then why all of the doting and in my life constantly stuff. (from this site I learned about supply) But I do think it boils down to what Barbara said...they need us, but they don't want to admit it because it is a "weakness". I truly think that mine needs me because we are so close, I understand him, and we do relate to eachother so well. BTW your comment about the "i don't really fancy you" after some intimate moments made me laugh. I can't even imagine how crazy that must have felt when he said that. If a guy said that to me, I guess I'd interpret it as this is one guy that is very, very afraid of commitment and having to rely on or need anybody.
Apr 12 - 9AM
Nothanx
Nothanx's picture

Yep

Mine was just the same! He would talk about how hot other women were constantly. If we were at the grocery store he would pick out women that he fancied, if we watched tv he pointed out other women he wanted, he talked about his ex GF (his dream girl) all the time, but he was always right with me. He was completely reliable and generous with both his time and money. He spoiled me with gifts. He complemented me just as often as he criticized, so I was completely off balance and confused (which of course is what he wanted).
Apr 12 - 9AM
narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

i don't love you, i never have.....

been there, heard that......i've lost count of how many times.... 'i don't care ANYTHING about you...i never have'..... it's all a game of one up....they need us DESPERATELY...we are their source of supply....they NEED us...and hate us for it....they need us...so we're one up...in order to get one up on us, they have to make us believe that we are totally insignifigant to them... the problem is, that for a long long time, they are the only ones who know that we are playing a game of evil narc table tennis.......
Apr 12 - 9AM (Reply to #3)
Nothanx
Nothanx's picture

Narc table tennis

I love that! I did feel like he sucked me into an evil game. I was constantly trying to figure out how to one up him. It just felt like if I could get the upper hand I could gain some control of the situation and not seem so weak, and then he would be more attracted to me. In the end I realized I just can't because he has such an advantage. He can't be hurt by what I say or do. He could play forever, but I couldn't.
Apr 12 - 6AM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Scoop

you are wrong... I heard and have posted some nasty crap I heard from exNH, Psycho-Boy and others. You need to read NARCSPEAK at left. Saying that stuff TRAUMA BONDS you to them - also makes you feel guilty and that you have to PROVE that you are loveable. he should have said "I don't love anyone but myself. I am incapable of loving anything because I am a non-human monster." but of course hurting us gives these pricks a "high" ~~~~~~~~~ Repetition does not transform a lie into the truth. - Franklin D. Roosevelt Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals