How to say this

(Long) First, I want to say that I am fortunate to have a lot of trained/experienced resources and the greatest resource -Christian faith, but looking for insight from any other healthy resources I can find. Also, I believe narcissism is a spectrum and most all of us exhibit some narcissistic traits -it's not a pass/fail. And not sure how comfortable I am posting a lot of personal details even in an "anonymous" forum. But would like input about her, as well as myself, to the degree I can get it while not telling all of her or my "stuff".

I am pretty knowledgeable now about sex/love addiction and am particularly curious about the overlap/divergence between that and narcissism.

How to say this...a 10 on the NPD scale is beyond help in the psych realm probably, but SLAs can manage their addiction and have healthy relationships. I have witnessed, what I believe is, genuine remorse. As well as change in behavior. Only when prematurely placed back in triggering environment with conspiring influences did I witness her slip and relapse. I am familiar with SLAs that are sober, manage their addictions. And with God, all things are possible.

Yet during conflicts, esp over unfaithfulness and dishonesty, NPD-like behaviors such as rage, manipulation and projection often come front-and-center and are both heart-breaking and frightening to bear. However, I have also witnessed a good heart making great efforts to change, while hauling tremendous childhood and adult shame baggage -real strength, effort and bravery.

I am working on me and believe that is the key with either NPD or SLA. (All I control.) And it is helping a lot, despite struggles and slips.

So I guess my question is how can one distinguish if one is dealing with an addict that behaves like a narc when active in addiction vs. a full-out narc who has addiction as one of their traits? (Not sure a Max Narc will ever work on themselves, but an addict can react narcissistically when they're trying to protect the relapse into addiction.)

Thank you