First night alone

Tonight will mark the first night I'm home alone after kicking the Narc out 3 weeks ago. It's tough he is in the media today and I can't help but look. Oh so he went back to the ex he had a baby with while we together. She seems so happy. I'm super sad tonight for two reasons 1 i know how happy she is right now I know he is being Mr Amazing I miss him being Mr amazing with me. 2 if he truly is a narc he is going to kill this poor girls soul. She lives 6 hours from him she will never know what he is really up to. We spent 18 hours a day together for 2 years. I would go to work with him after I got off my 5 hr shift. I'm by myself and have no one .. No one understands I don't even understand . I have no friends anymore I used to have so many friends I spent all my time with him for 2 years so they have all moved on and have busy lives. The part I don't understand about my story that is different than everyone else's is my narc worshiped the ground I walked on. Anything I asked he would do. He was sweet kind and extremely loving. He was a cheater though. When I read the description of a narc it's him to a T except my was super loving all the time. We had our own language. I know it was not his game because I started doing it and from there it grew. But we never had sex . Maybe 2 times a month but cuddled massaged very affectionate every I by . Damn I miss that. He would always ALWAYS tell me how he couldn't be with out me. Then that last night he was different I was ending the relationship and he was going from fuck you bitch I don't care to please I love you. When he realized I was serious he left .. His stuff is in my garage still haven't heard from him at all . He walked away from his belongings like those are replaceable too. I haven't contacted him and it's probably a blessing he is leaving me alone .. He knows me well enough that I will never call or make contact in life because of my pride. But him did he ever feel anything ? And now I guess I know what a Narc feels like? Sorry for the long drawn out blog but tonight has been the toughest so far. Thanks for reading