thoughts please

I actually find reviewing his old emails very helpful. When I am thinking of our relationship and wanting to romanticize it, I only need to pull out an old email to see how full of sh*t he was. I can read an email where he is professing his love and telling me how sincere he is and how wrong I was to think he was lying and then think about the next day when he went away with someone else or told me the complete opposite. The emails keep me sane. I see the pattern and the manipulation and they help me erase any positive memories I have. Your mind can play tricks on you, but what's in black and white cannot.

if it was shorter, it could have been written by the psychonarc...Quietude is right...it STINKS of entitlement..how DARE you bother him!...he's BUSY!...he doesn't have time for this!...and then he plays victim...he's hardly getting any sleep...and that's YOUR FAULT...you're inconveniencing him with your thoughts!...how DARE you... what a piece of crap....

So this is an old e-mail I take it? To me, this is so typical of them, especially during D&D. The whole thing stinks of ENTITLEMENT. How DARE you interfere with his schedule! I have kept e-mails similar to this for times I was sad and missing him to help demonstrate the sheer nastiness of an N. So you're asking if he's purposely trying to wind you up or if he's genuinely annoyed? Who knows? And it doesn't matter. Either way, this screams A-HOLE. These kind of e-mails helped keep me far, far away from the N. And the part about, "Not that I’m getting a lot of sleep", that sounds JUST like mine. He was such a martyr...poor him, he always made sure I was feeling sorry for him. The reminding you he has a problem...GUILT TRIP. Back then, I'm sure he accomplished what he wanted to, which is 'do not disturb the KING', unless something is requested of you. Boy, can I relate to this! Be glad this nasty creature is out of your life, and you don't have to deal with this immature tantrum BS.

...was to erase all "signs" of him in my life, both personal and professional, and to block all possible ways of him contacting me (or at least all the ways I could considering my professional ties with him and I'm working on that area). Erase all his texts, emails, voice mails, throw away all letters and gifts, ignore all his attempts to contact you if he does end-runs around your NC. White out his name on everything you have his name written. Erase all "signs" of him from your life. Educate yourself. Reading has done me so much good. My latest books were "Without Conscience" and "Snakes in Suits." And I have read many others, too, in the last month. This has helped me tremendously to see just how dangerous and evil these creatures are and I know I don't want anything to do with dangerous and evil creatures! I personally have found that erasing him from my past was a great way to give me strength to keep him out of my present and future. Mine also acknowledged that he had "problems." Yeah, mine had ED, too, but I never brought that up to him (I'm way too nice and that is my biggest problem). But mine knew he had serious personality problems and told me several times he was "working on that." News flash bud....you are way too old to be able to change now, you can "work on that" all you want and it won't get you anywhere because you cannot change. In your post you wrote that you went back through his emails from the past and saw stuff in them that was meant to "get" to you. So...your N has much bigger "problems" than ED. He is disordered and sick. He is trying to keep contact with you to keep you on the hook so he can reel you back in when he needs the supply you give. Cut that line!! Set yourself free. Don't let him torture you more than he already has, and is still doing. Block. Erase. Ignore. Read. Talk with a therapist (I do). He isn't worth your time, trouble and all the good things you have to offer a normal, caring, loving man - things he can never, ever be.