starting Over.....

This feeling is never going to end....sadness, emptiness, anger, every feeling but happiness. I just want to feel whole...it is like I don't even want to get out of bed. I missed work yesterday and still not there again today. I now feel like everyone in my life treats me like a doormat. I hate who I am because I just let everyone use me. I have to let this stuff out, and I feel like this is a safe place. At least I hope it is. I have to force myself to work...my N is never coming back....he is with the love of his life....too bad he wasted 8 years with me and just snuck behind my back with her. They could have been so happy. I am hoping that if I just let it out here, things will start to make sense for me.