I've graduated!
I've graduated!
So, let me set the stage...3 months NC (or LC, we work at the same place), 4 months since I've been in his presence outside of work, 6 months since he kicked me to the curb (2 days after the most intense expression of love - if you catch my drift), email and cell blocked, moved in April so old landline disconnected (landline couldn't block a cell phone), a solid hoover back in Dec. (With a plea to not tell the OW), a couple of possible hoovers at work (but could also have been coincidental).
I figured that if he ever wanted to start something up again, he'd have to make his move at work. Everything else was blocked. But really, like so many others, I never expected him to try. I would have bet money.
One of my job duties is to answer a line for people calling off. Last evening the phone rang, didn't recognize the number, it was him. Needed an emergency vacation day because of family matter. Asked me to be discrete with the info (he was gearing up for a night of drinking-the way any good alcoholic deals with stress). I had all the info I needed, but he begins to explain that it's his 13 year old daughter. I just said ok, no questions asked, and ended the call.
The call shook me up so bad that I could barely write. There was a rush of adrenaline. Not the excited type, but the fight-or-flight kind. It felt like dread. I made it home to my new peaceful place, went to check my email, and I had 2 messages from him. He's blocked, how did that happen?!?! Double checked on my computer, and sure enough, there he is in the blocked list. I guess that offers a false sense of security. 1st one apologizing for contacting me. (Interesting word choice) 2nd one letting me know that if I tried to call, he didn't have his phone. He'd left it at work. I spent about an hour spinning, trying to solve the mysteries. Whose phone did he use? Why tell me about his daughter if he's just calling off? Why the emails? I soon realized I was heading back to that state of perpetual chaos and questions. I didn't like it one bit, so I stopped. Slept like a baby. There was a time where I would have been up every 30 minutes waiting for another message.
I woke up this morning and said "I really like my new life". I don't want to go back to that, it sucks.
Another email this morning (asking me to forgive him for the messages last night, he just wanted to talk) and a phone call. I guess I let my block expire. (You have to redo it every few months). Didn't respond to any of it, and didn't spin.
I realized that if I wanted that again, he was offering it on a silver platter. But, I don't. I've felt for a while that I would make that choice, but you don't really know until you're tested. I feel like I made it through the fire safely (and happy). Thank you all for this safe haven. Read, read, read and stick to NC. It really does work.
By the way...he didn't make it to work this morning. Seems he's acquired some magical skills since we split. Only way I can explain how his phone went from "left at work" last night to "in his hands" this morning. Always good for a laugh. ;-)
I've flunked grad school...
Sometimes the lies are just
Thank you all, I have so much
This is a clear example of
Danski
Congratulations! To finally
Ditto to my sisters
spinning