Today marks 1 Month NC for me. Even though have seen N out and about.....we've never spoken. The thought of N literally sickens me. N will remain a negative entity with no name or attractive characteristics. N is scum.
Yesterday (Monday) made it a full 8 days without contact. The only thing that I find difficult is when I go back into those "evil thoughts." When I look at the situation in my mind and all those angry, jealous, and vindictive feelings against him come back. This morning I woke up for the first time in a week thinking about the things we did together and how it all seemed so real and innocent. I wondered if I would ever find a man that could be THAT affectionate and THAT real with me. But the guy is a fake. None of it was real. That is still so hard to believe, so hard to swallow. I want to get to a point that he is completely erased from my life. I want to get to a point that even if I do see him and I'm alone, I can handle it with class, no emotion, and grace. And truly...have no aftershock. I wish, I hope, I pray. :)
Tomorrow will be one full week of NC. It's been alright as I've kept myself extremely busy. Last night I played Whirlyball and met a lot of guys from my church. I felt very comfortable and was completely myself. I noticed that I was a little more distant and aloof which worked well. I also sucked at Whirlyball which got me a lot of teasing but it was playful, not hurtful. I plan on meeting more people and fine-tuning the way I am in social situations (or perceived anyway). There was a guy there with his girlfriend and he totally reminded me of the N. He was also from the same city and had this kind of bad-boy image that often attracts me. I noticed also that I get attracted when a guy does not give me attention. This is something that I completely have to work on. I don't know why I feel like I need any guy's attention unless I am insecure with myself. And I think that is something that needs to change.
I had some thoughts about him and his GF. Just kind of ran the whole situation through my head on fast forward. It was a huge waste of time for me to be involved in that hot mess is what I realized. Just totally not worth it. Still feel anger but not as strong as before when I was looking at his/her facebook. It really helps to not look or see anything associated with the N. I'm looking forward to a busy weekend and meeting new people! The N-radar will totally be on and discerning! :)
I am strong in enforcing NC...but thinking that I might see him about town brings knots to my stomach. It's like running into your rapist at the supermarket..
It's like running into your rapist at the supermarket..
NC on my part too, today I started a big project making a room divider picture screen, whew what a job, I love doing crafts took my mind off him all day. Its the truth michvegas and thats exactly what it is running into your sexual predator rapist I mean what would you say "Oh hi nice to see you again you F---ing psychopath, rape anyone lately?" "Destroyed anyones life lately?They just parade around in their everyday life looking at everyone with a skirt on or pants, some are anything sexual you know, I would say, have you urinated on anyone lately? THey are just freaks of nature, someday if I ever saw him I would think ISH what a deformed individual, but I guess they even have to eat and run errands I dont know why they arent human because they just feed off of people.
Today I had a few thoughts about him. Mostly about us holding hands, him holding me, and kissing. Then I thought about if he was normal and cared, he wouldn't have used me. I hope these thoughts become more and more scarce as time passes on...fleeting is good! Had dinner with some good friends and that made me happy.
Overall not a bad day. Looking forward to the weekend.
Way to go!!!!!!!!!! You will feel so much better. I began to have symptoms of fibromyalgia while I with my a$$clown. Once he left and there was no contact, the improvement in my energy and pain levels was astounding. The asthma, which I've had all of my life, was worse with him around too. I can get by now with only one medication for it, instead of the 3 expensive prescriptions I needed before. Contact with them is poison. Don't expose yourself.
That's so crazy how detrimental they are physically to the victim's health. I'm glad you are doing better Dysenchanted. And I love this new word - a$$clown. I might be using it. I have one that I kind of made up also - douchelord. Variation is nice, and so is no contact!! :)
start planning now for what to do with your weekend so you won't be tempted. Dinner with yourself? movie alone? rearrange the furniture? new sheets? new curtains? visit friends?
Make plans now so you don't sit around and mop or fantasize.
~~~~~~~~~
The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein
Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims
Thanks Barbara!
I have planned out my weekend and hope to stay busy enough to not even think about the N or situation. Friday night is a birthday party, Saturday afternoon is an auto show, Saturday night is a networking social, Sunday is cleaning, returning stuff to TJMaxx, studying, and family. Hopefully this will keep me busy and time to relax. :)
That's been my response for alot of my posts lately! Consider him dead!!! They really are as good as dead since "the light is on but no one's home!" Them silly mother fuckers! They think they are such prized men! Hell, they can't even FEEL LOVE, how can they be men??? Yep, consider them dead...Takin' a dirt nap!!!
I am going strong today ladies. De-cluttered my laptop from any trace of him and completely have been focusing on myself. Got up at 6am this morning and worked out, took a shower, and read some inspirational quotes. Just want to thank you all for your great support and kindness a.k.a. tough love. Barbara, if you could please, provide the link to an article I saw previously about what entails contact (including looking at N's facebook, etc.). I want to make sure that I am not indirectly stalling my road to recovery by doing any of those things. Thanks Barbara and all you strong wonderful ladies! Have a great day!!!
http://www.lisaescott.com/2009/12/22/what-no-contact-means
~~~~~~~~~
The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein
Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims
Barbara, you have to be the most organized person I know. I'm amazed at the vast library of good and relevant links you have and can provide at the drop of a hat.
if you saw my house you'd know that's all an illusion... really - its a sty here!
I just happen to have a razor sharp memory.
~~~~~~~~~
The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein
Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims
I'll take a razor sharp memory over an organized house anyday! In fact, that's one thing I'm really struggling with is remembering things. Gotta work on that.
Well done for feeling strong - and don't feel bad when you feel down at times.
I have only been NC for about 3 weeks but i find each day it just gets a little bit better. Okay some days I don't feel as good - but overall it does get easier.
I have found one of the best things that has helped is exactly what you are doing - getting up and getting on with things - doing exercise, yoga - which actually help release the good feelings in us.
Also the more busy you are, it gives your brain less time to think about the N - whether your feelings for him are still of love or simply anger.
You can do it - and you will come out the other side a better person too!
Congratulations! You're on your way to recovery. You're right, your life was wonderful before the N and it will be wonderful again.
Stick to NC, it's the only way out.
You can do this if you stay focused on YOU. What do YOU want? What do YOU want to do? Eat? Watch on TV?
Cleaning out closets and drawers is a great way to stay focused on the things that matter now. It's your life and you're taking it back!
Hooray for YOU!!
neveragain
Thanks! I hate that it's always harder than it sounds. But it has to be done. I hate that he gets to me. It's been 10 months since I've met this man and we only had a handful of meetings. This shows the power of the N. But mostly it's the power of him ignoring me. It really gets to me. I'm thinking if I completely shut him off then that will really help me move on and leave him wondering what happened. I rather not have contact from him but it would be nice to ignore him if he ever does!
Day 10
Day 9
1 Month NC
Day 8
Its hard
Day 5,6,7
Congrats on a week! It
Day 4
I am strong in enforcing
It's like running into your rapist at the supermarket..
Day 3
Day 2
Day 2
Wow
moving on
Great Advice
He's dead I tell ya!!!
takin a dirt nap!!
Day 1
moving on
Barbara, you have to be the
LOL
I'll take a razor sharp
Moving on - good luck!
Stay Strong Stay Focused
Neveragain