Waves

These feelings seem to come in surges.

Sometimes I almost feel ok, and am more accepting to what's happened, and who she really is. Other times, like right now, I'm overcome with anger and sadness about how I was taken advantage of, and the lies I believed.

I thought at first that I'd be feeling better in six months or so, but I guess there is no timeline here. Better when you're better and anything can knock you back into it again. I see that from the folks posting here who have been out for years and get triggered. Long term trauma.

Liking my new life for the most part, just keep agonizing over how much time I wasted for no good reason, reliving the horror. Gotta let go, not so easy to do.

Every day I'm cursing her over and over, "F-ing *this*", "F-ing *that*". She's still dominating my mind, which pisses me off all the more.

Are there any decent human beings out there in the world? Seems that "douche-baggery" is running rampant in society. So many totally selfish people, taking, taking, and taking - and can't wait a minute to get it. Nobody wants to work, they just want to get.

*argh*