Keeping up the NC

I'm keeping the NC up and it's been a week now but it doesn't stop the obsessive thoughts I have of him. I hate that he still takes up so much space in my mind, even though I keep reminding myself of all the hurtful cruel manipulating and controlling things he did to me. At least Christmas Day was spent as arranged with my children and two gorgeous grandchildren. Isn't it bizarre I still find it hard to accept that when I make arrangements and plans now they actually happen. Normality to me has come to mean any plans I made with N would not happen more often than not, or if they did there was always a drama of some kind and the result was always let down and/or hurt.
I try so hard not to think about him or what he's doing, but I struggle not to. As the days of NC go on I find myself going over more situations from the past, that I knew were unacceptable and wrong, but I still hung on to his scraps like a pathetic little puppy. As well as hurting I also get so angry with myself for allowing the manipulation and cruelty to continue. Is it wrong to wish him suffering and some kind of pain... please let there be some kind of karma. I know I should be focussing my energy into getting myself stronger but with such lack of sleep and self worth I'm finding it really hard. I seem to be ok then my emotions and thoughts take over like a tidal wave.
As we all know it's hard to explain or talk to people outside of the world of being abused by an N. That's why I'm so glad I found this site and the support from the people who DO understand the pain and effects these N's are responsible for causing us.