Learned Behavior

There have been many comments lately on the forum about being stuck in some stage of misery, and the frustration of feeling that time is moving on but you (the poster) are not. We all learn differently, and learn at different rates, and a method that may work for me may not work for you. However, the point is your behavior is learned. If you want to change, you have to try something new -- think about trying the following technique.

If you think about the logical progression of development, you realize that every aspect of your behavior was learned thru observation or specific teaching from your family of origin and the society you grew up in. I have come to believe that you have to go back to the beginning to understand why you have ended up where you are. I also think you have to examine your beliefs, specifically why you believe as you do, and either accept or reject the beliefs as being a part of your personality you want to keep or a part you want to change. This will allow you to set your own boundaries, as an adult, and at least strive to become the person you want to be, instead of the stuck and miserable person you are.

Going thru this exercise serves at least two purposes. One is that it is time consuming and will distract you from obsessive thinking about whatever you are stuck on. The second is that it will kick start you into a reappraisal of who you are, and why.

Think of your current problem as if it were a medical problem you have to cope with. If, for instance, you broke a bone, would you sit there and say "It hurts, it hurts, it hurts", tell everyone you know "it hurts, it hurts, it hurts," and refuse to seek medical attention and get the bone set so that it would heal properly? If so, it's going to hurt a long, long time and will heal improperly, and may cause you other problems in the future. Not a good plan.

However, if you ask for help, and follow thru, you will end up with a healed fracture, and it should stop hurting, eventually. If you broke your bone by participating in some dangerous activity, or you were careless, or thought that you were "special" and that your bones would never break -- examine that activity, or figure out how to be more careful, or realize that no one is that special. Examine the cause for the break in the first place, and you will be less likely to break that bone again.

I do not know if this will help you or not, but I do know that if you are hurting, sitting around wondering what other people are doing, or making yourself even more miserable by comparing yourself to them, or what your over active imagination thinks they are doing is NOT EVER going to help you in any way. You have to focus on what you want, and what you can do for yourself, on where you want to be next week, month, year!!! Good luck on your journey!

"An unexamined life is not worth living" -- Socrates